How the Rolls-Royce of gyms is combating cruising's sky-high calorie count
A six pack and an ab rack? A little optimistic perhaps, even for someone who exercises fairly regularly, but as I read the workout menu on board Oceania Insignia I realised I would have my work cut out. Boot Camp, Awesome Legs (strength training using body weight and dumbbells), detox with seaweed, Total Tubes…
“What the hell are tubes?” I muttered to no-one in particular – before signing up for a class.
Most cruise lines offer light and healthy meal alternatives and many ships have jogging tracks and gyms to counteract overeating. Wellness – and all of the specialist menus, salubrious spas, thermal areas and state-of-the-art gym equipment the concept entails – are fairly standard on new cruise ships. Some ships have “spa suites” located within a fluffy robe’s throw of the massage couch; others offer dedicated yoga cruises. Fitness at sea is big business.
I had joined Insignia part of the way through her world cruise itinerary. Shoehorned into my 48-hour Rome to Barcelona leg were “healthy-living” dining commitments (including a four-course vegan menu) and “awesome abs” training with fitness director Leandro Petraglia.
I had chosen Insignia for a couple of reasons. Known for its culinary expertise and multiple fine-dining options, Oceania is dubbed the “foodie line”. In the spring it rolled out an expanded vegan menu (available at breakfast, lunch and dinner) and introduced cold-pressed raw juice and vegan smoothie bars.
I went on board in May just as Oceania announced it was rolling out free instructor-led training for more than two dozen specialist gym classes across its six ships. Gym instruction for free! From sunrise stretch to core-conditioning, there is no excuse not to get your Spandex on.
At 2pm I returned to the gym to find several passengers manipulating what looked like giant rubber bands. Had I signed up for an elastic-band workout? The penny dropped: resistance bands. These, however, were the Gucci of resistance bands in the Rolls-Royce of gyms – spanking new, with grab handles at each end and with several colour-coded resistance levels. We worked out with yellow (easy), red (harder) and green (heart attack).
Being 20-30 years younger than my fellow tubers gave me an unfair advantage and I soon graduated from yellow to red. I got my just deserts at the afternoon spin class where I was joined by two male passengers, one a septuagenarian. Their stamina was extraordinary. While my thighs slowly shredded, theirs seemed to wind up, like bath toys. I felt sick for two hours, recovering just in time for (one) pre-dinner prosecco.
The irony of being on a ship that serves T-bones the size of hubcaps and offers menus dedicated to award-winning olive oils and balsamics was not lost on me. The “full vegan” was scheduled for the following night and I worked up to it on my first evening with dishes from the healthy-living menu.
While my companions tucked into milk-fed veal and mopped up aged balsamics with artisan bread, I ate chicken consommé bellini with semolina diamonds, tamarind-braised fish with sweet ginger sauce and a no-sugar-added coffee-flavoured ice cream.
In the morning I warmed up on deck with Walk a Mile (13 laps) and savoured a view I don’t often see – an early-morning port approach. With 15 minutes to spare before the 8am stretch class, I ducked into the Terrace Café, ignoring the come-hither wafts of the pancake and waffle station and choosing instead the (vegan) tortilla espanola with onions and tofu, a low-fat yoghurt over fresh figs and raspberries and a spicy vitamin-hit smoothie. I washed this down on the terrace with a couple of coffees and a side order of blue-sky Barcelona.
At 8am I wondered up to Wake Up and Stretch to find 12 people limbering up. “This is the most popular class,” said Leandro. “It’s essential to book.” These were good stretches – with some I’d not done before. Leandro’s instructions were clear and never intimidating: “Always at your own level...” he would say.
But it was with some trepidation that I approached Total Abs. After 30 reps of the Swiss ball plank, 15 minutes of core-strengthening floor exercises and 30 horizontal-bar knee raises, I wanted to die.
All abs are not created equal.
At lunch I skipped the vegan menu of truffle-flavoured parsnip soup, Thai red curry with jasmine rice and chocolate ricotta pie, to try out a room-service Cobb salad. An attack of FOMO (fear of missing out) vanished as soon as I saw the protein-packed plate of lettuce, chicken, tomatoes, blue cheese, avocado, egg and bacon.
Vegan and raw dishes are served alongside vegetarian, gluten-free and kosher meals on board. “Everyone is treated equally regardless of diet,” said the head chef that evening as four of us tucked into steamed Brittany artichokes with baby greens and forest-mushroom vinaigrette; borlotti bean salad and a main of buffalo mozzarella in baked eggplant rolls with tomato sauce.
“Our kitchen stocks vegan flour, soya milk and vegan butter,” the chef added when I asked how it was possible for a savarin pastry cream and fresh fruit tart to taste like, well, dessert.
The clean-living ethos permeates all aspects of the cruise holiday. Alongside regular excursions are new healthy-living tours – a restorative afternoon at the Terme dei Papi (Pope’s thermal baths) in Viterbo, near Civitavecchia and vinyasa yoga at the Monte-Carlo Bay hotel in Monaco are examples.
The tour that appealed most was a laughter session at a farmhouse hotel on the Costa Brava, but on my mini-cruise it wasn’t an option. Besides, I doubt my abs could have taken the strain.
The verdict
How was it for you?
*****
Hardcore. Few opportunities to cheat.
Could you survive a week?
*****
Yes. The vegan menu changes daily and there are 24 classes.
Going vegan?
Committed carnivore.
Details
A 12-day Western Europe Escapade cruise on Oceania Nautica from Civitavecchia (Rome) to Southampton, departing on May 27, 2018, costs from £3,829pp including one-way flight to Rome (0345 505 1920; oceaniacruises.com).
