Are you restaurant phobic? 12 reasons we get anxious when we're eating out
Sometimes, just walking into a restaurant can trigger a whole host of anxieties. They are meant to be relaxing, convivial places, but that is not always the way things unfold:
1. The reservation conundrum
There are tables available at 6pm or 10pm… Will anyone else agree that 6.15pm is the dream? It’s not elegant. And therefore people don’t like to do it. But 10pm is a nightmare. What are we, Spanish?
2. Where-are-you-going-to-sit stress
Facing the room = will they notice that I am just staring at the other diners trying to work out what their relationships are and perving over their food? Facing the wall = martyr. But then banquette = CLAUSTROPHOBIA. As for round table? Exposed, exposed, exposed. I think I’d better just go and sit in the loo.
3. Seating-plan pain
This dinner is costing me energy, money and calories. Please don’t put me next to Judgemental Piers… Oh, please don’t let me be next to Judgemental Piers. Hi, Piers.
4. Listening-to-the-waiter-read-out-the-specials disorder
Do I need to look interested? Does my hair look nice? Should I get a fringe? Wait, did he say skate or steak? Should I be nodding? Do I look too keen? I always look too keen. I wish I looked cool. I am beginning to look harried. Harrowed. Is that a word? Argh, what did he say? Why capers? Always sodding capers.
5. ‘Two glasses or a bottle?’ affliction
It’s Wednesday. Is it two glasses? This is a bit like Tube versus taxi. We might as well get a bottle. Or two. Oh-my-god-he-has-ordered-an-£80-bottle-of-wine horror And he’s doing the sniffy/swirly thing. I die. But before I die I bet I’ll end up paying for a quarter of that silly wine.
7. Starters/mains/pudding strain
Are we going to share starters, then do mains, then pudding? Or just have mains and pudding? Or starters and mains? Maybe I’ll have two starters and a pudding and we can all share cheese? Should we listen to the specials again?
8. The Chips crisis
I am not going to share my chips. Do I need to explain that everyone should have their own chips if they want one because I am not going to share? How clear do I have to be?
9. Too-hot/too-cold/ too-loud hell
Oh I’m just a bit shvitzy, that was a dash from the train, and have I got neck sweat? Wow, the air con is a bit full-on. Feel rather shivery now. Coming down with something? Glands feel swollen. WHY IS THE MUSIC SO LOUD?
10. Walking-into-the-kitchen-instead-of-the-bathroom malfunction
Why am I so uncool? Hot chef though…
11. ‘Why is it all taking so long?’ panic
I am never going to get home to bed, and if I ever get home I am going to be too full to sleep. Too hungover to live. Or work. It’s all taking too long. Suddenly I feel so, so sad.
12. Splitting-the-bill torture
Ugh, this is complicated. Where’s Brian Cox when you need him? Do I mention the £80 wine?
