Pregnancy, fights and divorce: The most ridiculous Harry and Meghan headlines

Careless whispers? [Photo: PA]
Careless whispers? [Photo: PA]

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry will be married in two days, and royal fever has reached an all-time high.

From the first moments that the pair were spotted together, media outlets all over the world have struggled to contain themselves.

Besides finding out absolutely everything there was to know about Prince Harry’s new beau (guilty), some outlets were so set on getting all of the gossip on the former ‘Suits’ actress that they started… imagining things.

A secret pregnancy, controversial hidden ex-partner or theatrical divorce would be oh-so convenient for many publications, but something makes us think that not all of these headlines were created particularly scrupulously.

“Moving to Malibu!”

Why hang around stuffy Kensington Palace when you could be partying it up in Malibu? Last week, gossip magazine Star reported that Prince Harry and Markle are due to move into their a new $80m (£59m) palace in July and live there for four months each year thereafter.

If this were true, it might scupper Markle’s plans to become a British citizen; to become one, she can’t spend more than 270 days outside the UK over a three-year period.

Four months each year for the next three years would drum up a few more than that.

“What would happen if Meghan and Harry were to divorce?”

The royal couple haven’t even tied the knot yet, but a number of publications have already speculated as to what will happen, exactly, if Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were to divorce.

In Touch Weekly laid the couple’s finances out on the table in a bid to figure out how much Markle would get if the worst was to happen, concluding that “a divorce could be a huge payday for Meghan”.

Give them a chance, guys.

At least plates can’t lie to us [Photo: PA]
At least plates can’t lie to us [Photo: PA]

“Harry and Meghan will ‘SPLIT’ before wedding says psychic who even knows WHEN”

Wouldn’t want to judge someone else’s relationship considering you’re not actually in it? There’s always a psychic waiting in the wings to do it for you.

The Daily Star enlisted the help of Lyndsay Edwards, who claimed that a spirit “channels the future through to her” and that Harry and Markle’s “honeymoon phase” would come crashing down in March or April.

Those stakes aren’t looking so high any more.

“Queen Elizabeth suspends wedding after Meghan Markle calls herself ‘liberal activist’”

According to YourNewsWire.com, upon hearing that Markle was an “activist” and a hater of the President of the United States, the Queen told her that unless she signed a prenuptial agreement with Prince Harry, the wedding was off.

We didn’t know the Queen was such a Trump fan.

Meghan and Harry are ordered to tone down PDA by the Queen

The Queen was reportedly at it again – this time, telling Markle and Prince Harry to get a room. According to MSN, Australian tabloid Women’s Day reported that Her Majesty couldn’t take the new royal couple’s PDA levels any longer.

A source apparently said that the pair’s affectionate behaviour was “totally against royal protocol,” that the Queen “isn’t thrilled about it at all” and even summoned Harry to the palace for a stern talking to.

Prince Harry and the Duke of Cambridge at the London Marathon last year [Photo: PA]
Prince Harry and the Duke of Cambridge at the London Marathon last year [Photo: PA]

“Meghan and Harry due to upstage Wills in royal diary clash”

Before Prince Harry had asked the Duke of Cambridge to be his best man, rumours flew of tensions mounting between the brothers.

Mail Online reported that William would be “furious” that Prince Harry and Markle were to make their first joint visit to Wales when he already had engagements scheduled on the same day.

An insider apparently suggested that the media attention around Markle would distract from the Duke of Cambridge’s cause.

Considering all of that apparent fury, the brothers seem to be getting along just fine.

“Lavish details of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wild festival-themed wedding after-party revealed”

Now, there’s no actual proof that Prince Harry doesn’t want to party it up like a fresher at a university sports society initiation, but something suggests to us that Harry’s begone partying days are still catching up with him in the media.

The Mirror reported that Harry “has requested a Tiki-themed bar at the couple’s wild carnival and festival-themed wedding ‘afterparty’ in a throwback to his favourite London nightclub Mahiki”.

If we’re wrong, can we be invited?

These won’t be the last questionable headlines we read about this trio [Photo: PA]
These won’t be the last questionable headlines we read about this trio [Photo: PA]

“Meghan pregnant!”

It would be too much of a perfect storm, wouldn’t it? Last year, gossip magazine In Touch announced this “palace bombshell”, suggesting that Markle’s unexpected pregnancy was what led the royal couple to get engaged in the first place.

Either Markle is masterfully hiding her bump at five months pregnant, or – could it be – this didn’t happen.

“Princess Diana ‘will be there at Prince Harry’s royal wedding – as a ghost’, say psychics”

Even through death, Princess Diana still can’t escape the absurd headlines as not one, but a pair of psychic twins stepped to the fore for the Mirror this time.

Terry and Linda Jamison said Markle and Prince Harry can expect a visit from the late Princess Diana on their wedding day, as the mother of the groom wouldn’t miss Harry’s big day “for the world”.

Diana’s ghost clearly didn’t want to leave any ambiguity regarding this, apparently telling the twins: “I will most definitely be present for Harry and Meghan’s wedding.”

“Meghan Markle has a secret first husband”

No, not that one; Markle’s first marriage to movie producer Trevor Engleson and their subsequent divorce is pretty common knowledge.

The National Enquirer, however, suggested there was a second – unnamed – ex-man in Markle’s life and that the whole thing had been kept very hush hush, for some reason.

Given that details on Markle’s first marriage have all been pretty out in the open, it’s hard to know what Markle’s motivation for hiding them would be. The article appears to have been taken down since.

Though if it does turn out she was once married to oh, a Trump, for example – or any of these articles end up having an ounce of truth to them – we hope you’ll tell us first.

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