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A pound for a poo: should you bribe your kids to do the basics?

bribe children money - Getty Images
bribe children money - Getty Images

Getting ready for a day out, as well as reminding my children to brush their teeth and find their shoes, I also call out: “pound a poo”. Immediately, they scurry to the nearest toilet in order to earn the much-coveted coin.

Yes, that’s right, I pay my two children, aged seven and 10, to go to the toilet. It is a controversial tactic to say the least, but any parent who has had to deal with last-minute requests for the toilet in the middle of nowhere or on a motorway may be impressed with my initiative.

My mother was incredulous when I first started paying my kids for a timely bowel movement, declaring they couldn’t possibly go to the toilet on demand. But as I’ve discovered, children will pretty much do anything for money (or a sticker if they’re a bit younger).

While this sounds extreme, plenty of parents don’t think twice about giving their children pocket money for loading the dishwasher, tidying their rooms or cleaning the car. But should we expect our children to help out around the house for free or are we doing our kids damage by bribing them to carry out basic human functions or contributing to the running of a household?

Alison McClymont, a leading child psychologist with over a decade’s experience in children’s mental health and development, believes there is a distinct difference between a planned reward and a stressed response to bad behaviour.

bribing children - Getty Images
bribing children - Getty Images

“It’s one thing if you decide to pay your child for carrying out a chore or doing an agreed task, but it’s very different if it’s to stop negative behaviour, such as buying your child an ice-cream in order to get them to behave in a restaurant,” she says.

In short, says McClymont, we shouldn’t be paying out when we need to discipline instead.

“It might not seem a big deal when your children are younger, but it could have a big impact when they are adolescents,” she warns.

When it comes to paying children to help around the house McClymont takes a fairly relaxed view towards parents who insist their children earn their pocket money.

“Of course, it depends on each family’s budget, but it is completely common to encourage behaviours using rewards such as money,” she says. “Keep in mind that children should also learn that it feels nice to help someone or do things for other people without being paid. You will be helping your children build empathy and learning that not everything they do needs a reward.”

Danielle Lovell, a mum of three from London, is not above bribing her kids to get ready for bed at night.

parneting strategy - Getty Images
parneting strategy - Getty Images

“When I’ve been at work all day and I'm exhausted, I can’t deal with having to ask my kids to put their pyjamas on five times, so paying out £3 for an easy bedtime just seems worth it. Once I’d mentioned money they were ready for bed like a shot - I wonder why I don’t use it more often.”

Meanwhile, Lucy Moore, mum of three from Cheshire, uses bribery to combat her reluctant readers. “My daughters, aged 12 and 13, just don't like reading,” says Moore. “They do their school work with minimal fuss, but I just can't get them into reading books for pleasure. I know how beneficial reading is to all round learning so I told them I'd pay them £5 for every novel they read. It worked. Each morning they delight in telling me how many chapters they've read and then when I'm happy they've finished the book, I hand over the money. I don't ask them for a review, but perhaps I should. I'm not sure how long we'll continue, but it seems to be working.”

But will these short-term bribes backfire on us in the long run?

Parenting expert, Liat Hughes Joshi, author of 5-Minute Parenting Fixes, says: “Often these things work as short-term fixes and if you use them occasionally, no real harm is done. But be careful they don’t become part of your parenting strategy.”

“You could find that you end up with children who won’t do anything to help around the house without being paid.”

“If they are doing an extra job, such as washing the car that you might pay someone else to do, then paying them to do it could enhance their work ethic, but if it’s a normal everyday task, they really should expect to do it for free.”

While I don’t expect to be paying my kids for their toilet trips forever, I’ll stick to putting my hand in my pocket if it means I can get through long car journeys without any emergency stops.

Do you find bribing always works when it comes to your own children? Tell us in the comments section below...