People Who Got A “Gray Divorce” Are Sharing Why And What Happened After
In case you've missed it, there is currently a rise in "gray divorces," aka a divorce at age 50 or older. According to a recent study, gray divorces have doubled from 1990 to 2019 and tripled for adults over age 65.
So recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community about their experiences going through a gray divorce. Here are some of their stories (as well as some from users on Reddit):
1."We were not yet empty nesters, but one evening both kids were out and I glanced around and realized 'this was it'...TV on, spouse stretched on sofa half asleep with remote in hand. No conversation between the two of us, no 'let's go do something.' And that was how it was going to continue to be. We tried counseling, but I honestly believe it was too late even for that. I still consider them to be one of the most wonderful people in the world, but we just really outgrew each other."
—58, Canada
2."Three of my friends — all over the age of 50 — got divorced in the past two to three years. All of them had been married for over 20 years, with kids and with many ups and downs. As someone who knew them before and after their divorces, they all seem much happier. It’s been hard FOR SURE, but they knew it was for the best."
3."I’m a 64-year-old woman and have been divorced for 14 years. I love living alone and don’t want any relationships either. A wise woman once told me, that after a certain age men either want a nurse or a purse. I don’t care to be either."
4."My parents are both in their 60s and just divorced after 32 years of mostly happy marriage. Everyone else seems to be taking it harder than the two of them, who seem happy…which is what it’s all about!"
5."B and I divorced after 35 years. We marked the moment with a divorce ceremony. Both of us are happier these last four years, living as our true selves with friends (mostly separate) and our adult kids (who we still gather with every week, as a family). I sacrificed some financial security, but this emotional freedom and the joy of living in a community, not coupledom, is worth so much more. Solo after 60 is awesome."
6."Divorced after 25 years and three kids. He behaved like a fourth child and I was exhausted. It's been eight years since it was finalized and I have downshifted my career, own my home, and travel whenever I want. I have a great relationship with our kids and they also maintain a relationship with him. 10/10 would do it again."
7."I’m 65. All single women my age are loving life. We do what we want when we want. I’m so tired of cooking and cleaning for a man who totally just expects it. Nope. No more."
8."Life has gotten better. 38 years married and four years separated. Lonely, but still way, way better. Why? Chaos is gone."
9."I got divorced at age 54 as my husband left my daughter and me after he survived a health crisis. His reason was that since he got a second chance at life he wanted to experience dating lots of women and enjoying himself. Once my daughter was older, I met a lovely man who treats me well and I married him a few years ago."
—63, Washington D.C.
10."My life is so much fucking better. Except I've missed being around my kids 24/7 for the last couple of years."
11."Divorced ten years ago when I was 50 and ending it was one of the best decisions I’ve made, for the kids and myself. I went on to have another long-term relationship that was much better than my marriage. That ended on good terms and also led to a lot of healing following the bad marriage. Staying married 'for the kids' is so counterproductive. Kids see when their parents don’t get along and generally don’t like living in a toxic home any more than the adults do."
12."My ex-husband of 20 years was having an affair with a co-worker. My life has changed for the better. I did not realize what a narcissist he was."
—50-ish, California
13."My ex-wife called it after 35 years together. We both had our issues but for the most part, functioned ‘okay.' That was almost two years ago. Over those two years, the first few months were listless, and then my life became more of a journey of personal discovery. Now after a few missteps along the way, I’m far more optimistic than I have been in a very long time."
14."Now no one is micromanaging me, criticizing me, controlling me, accusing me, or projecting their bad behavior my way. I live a peaceful and fulfilling life now."
15."After 42 years, enough was enough. It's costing me a pile of money — I call them my freedom payments and I don't regret writing that check every month."
16."Life got so much better! We were together for 31 years and I am grateful daily that he is gone! Life is peaceful and joyful and anyone I invite in has to make my life better, not worse. Cheers!"
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
