People Who Cheated On Their Significant Others Are Sharing If They Have Any Regrets, And Some Of These Answers Surprised Me
We recently asked people in the BuzzFeed Community who've cheated on their significant others if they have any regrets. Here's what they had to say:
1."I hooked up with a friend who had a girlfriend. He dumped her, and we got together. I felt like maybe he wasn't the best I could do, but since he had dumped her and hurt her so badly, I felt obligated to continue the relationship. We were married for 11 years and had a young son when he cheated on me with a good friend of mine. It was traumatizing and humiliating and awful. I'm divorced now and married to someone much better, but damn, karma sucks."
—Anonymous
2."I currently am cheating on my husband. I have been for a little over two years now. We had become more like roommates than spouses. I would divorce him, but we're drowning in debt and can't afford to leave right now. The other guy also has a girlfriend, so we each have a lot to lose should we get caught. We can't stop sneaking around; we've tried, but it's too good to walk away from. Plus, after the first year, we both confessed that we loved each other. He stays with her to keep my husband from getting suspicious, as the guys are good friends. The only regret I have from this is getting married in the first place, and as soon as I can afford it, I am getting out."
—Anonymous
3."No regrets whatsoever. I traveled for work and, more often than not, my spouse accused me of cheating. He berated me for things he imagined and just generally did whatever he could to knock me down a peg when I should have been enjoying my success. It started when I first met my coworker. There was palpable chemistry, though we didn’t do anything at the time. From that point, we developed a friendship, and our exchanges helped me through difficult times. Even though we worked in completely different departments, at one point, we both went to the same work event."
"My spouse, as usual, had been extremely ugly to me before the event. My coworker came to my room every night, and we tried all the things we talked about over the years. Every one of them lived up to my expectations.
I think two things contribute to me not feeling guilty. 1) It wasn’t a love thing, just a physical outlet. 2) If I’m going to pay the price of a crime no matter what, I might as well enjoy committing the crime."
—Anonymous
4."I had an affair with a mutual friend of my wife and me. Not only did it destroy my marriage, but it destroyed my friendship with the mutual friend. I started developing feelings for this friend as I confided in them with all of my relationship problems, and then one thing led to another, and we slept together. My friend didn’t even want a relationship and only wanted to have sex. I was devastated because I wanted to be with them, but they used me. My wife found out and divorced me (I don’t blame her). I was at a weak point in my life, and I betrayed my wife of 10 years. No matter how much I try to make up for what I did, it still doesn’t change anything. I can’t undo what I already did."
—Anonymous
5."I dated my ex for almost 11 years and cheated in some capacity for 8 or 9 of those years. I’m not sure if he ever found out, but he was the one who ended the relationship. In hindsight, I wish that I had just ended the relationship instead of cheating. I hurt a lot of decent guys during that time (my boyfriend and the guys I dated), all for my own selfish reasons. I haven’t dated since that relationship ended because I realized that I needed to work on myself before I hurt more people."
—Anonymous
6."The first time I cheated on my husband was in our tenth year of marriage, and I regret the hell out of it. It was a classic sleazy affair, including lunchtime hotel rendezvous. My counselor said I was addicted to excitement; I think I had just grown apart from my husband and married too young right out of college. The second time I cheated was for love and led to me divorcing my husband."
"I lived with the guy for five years before marrying, and we’ve been together for 23 years now with absolutely zero cheating or even the desire to (once a cheater NOT ALWAYS a cheater!). I’m still ashamed of it, but you only have one life, and you may not get it right the first time. You also can’t just stay together for the sake of kids — you risk being alone and miserable while they’ll soon be off enjoying their lives."
—Anonymous
7."I cheated on my then-boyfriend of three years. We were long-distance, and our schedules no longer aligned. One night, I hooked up with a guy I met at a bar a few weeks before. At the time, I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I believed it would be a one-time thing; however, I missed the intimacy of another person and turned to Tinder and hooked up with several guys throughout the months. When I did break up with my boyfriend, it was fine. But one guy I hooked up with blew it all up."
"I lost a great group of friends and received threatening messages from my ex's siblings. His mom actually ranted to my friend about how much of a bitch I am. I regret how I handled the end of our relationship — I should’ve been honest from the get-go and broken up when l wanted out. I probably could’ve kept him as a friend and stayed in the friend group. One good thing that came from it is I met an amazing man with a mother who I adore (and who adores me)."
—Anonymous
8."No regrets. The excitement of sneaking is what drives the spice. Of course, I love my family and love my wife. And I’m not totally sure she doesn’t or wouldn’t do the same. Sometimes, intimacy and home are draining. And to feel alive and excitement, you have to do other things that parents normally wouldn’t. It’s a messed-up mindset."
—Anonymous
9."Our relationship was in a slump, so I actively started looking for someone to have an affair with. I fell for this woman and started wooing her with flowers, dinner dates, etc. I didn’t hide my tracks very well, and my wife found my texts between me and the woman. The affair ended before we had sex. My wife 'forgave' me then started an affair with a neighbor. Revenge was sweet for her. She ended up telling me she did not love me anymore. I was kicked out of my house and lost my family and children. I started something that ended up destroying my life."
—Anonymous
10."My marriage of 13 years has been not great for the past few years. My husband kept messing up our finances and lying about it. We also don't interact much; we're more like roommates than spouses and have been sleeping in separate rooms for over a year. He kept calling my close male friend 'my boyfriend' and accused me of having an affair after I called him out on his reckless spending (thousands of dollars on in-app purchases for the games he plays). Because I need intimacy (not just sex but feeling close to someone), I finally told my friend that I would be open to hooking up occasionally (after I was positive that I would be doing this for me and not as retaliation for my husband's spending and lying)."
"My friend was amicable, and we became what I prefer to call friends with benefits vs. having an affair. My self-esteem improved, and I felt happier than I had in a long time. And it wasn't just sex. I was, for the first time in years, with someone who listened to me, would talk about their feelings, share things, and make me feel good. I'm in the process of getting legally separated from my husband, and I don't know if this friends-with-benefits situation will turn into an actual relationship, but I don't have any regrets since it's been the best relationship I've had in decades."
—Anonymous
11."I have absolutely zero regrets. I was 21 and told him that it made me really uncomfortable that he spent time with a particular girl who had a huge crush on him. He ended up going to a party with her, and they had some intimate moments. When I found out, I slept with someone else and broke up with him the next day."
12."I will regret it for the rest of my life. My marriage was already falling apart, but I will never forget the look of hurt on my now ex-husband's face when he found out. He forgave me many years ago, but I still struggle to forgive myself some 20-plus years later, even though I'm now happily married to the love of my life."
13."My marriage had fallen into such a state of irreconcilable differences. She cheated. I cheated. She took off to another state with some guy. Came back. We had kids, so I always took her back. One night, I ended up going home with a woman who was part of my brother’s friend group. We had always flirted. I fully expected it to be like all my other one-night flings. But there was something different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Maybe it was the friendship we had, so I didn’t want to hurt her. Maybe it was her full understanding I was married, and she didn’t push. Maybe it was when she joined me in the shower. All I knew was a month later, I was separated."
"I told my wife I wasn’t getting back together this time. She didn’t believe me. I called this woman up for a date. Weirdest first date ever where we discussed everything: my kids, the cheating. Now 40 years later, we’re still together. I love her madly and have never even remotely thought of cheating. We have an amazing, passionate relationship with a solid base of friendship.
I don’t really feel guilty. It was rough for a time on the kids, then they came to live with us. The kids have a great relationship with my wife. And a very complicated one with their mother. So no regrets."
—Anonymous
14."I have occasionally cheated when things got rough, and I was fed up. So, I dated others. In the end, I realized how good I had it and was even more loving to my spouse!"
—Anonymous
15."I cheated on my husband when I kissed 'the one that got away.' It had been 10 years since I'd seen him, and he was in town. My relationship with my husband was going fine, but I was in a bad spot mentally and had just gotten diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I yearned to feel like my old, healthy, younger self and wanted to be desired. The guy who I kissed was a longtime flame, and there were years of sexual tension. The kiss felt amazing, but we both felt bad and stopped, wrought with guilt. I waited some time but eventually blurted out the truth, and my husband was devastated."
"I tried to work to fix our marriage, but he could not get past what I did and that it had taken me months to tell him. We both agree that we may have ended up apart anyway because of some fundamental differences, but kissing someone else was a catalyst for our separation. I regret hurting someone I loved. He didn't deserve that."
—Anonymous
16."I’ve been married for over 20 years and pretty unhappy for at least half of it. My spouse is a difficult person who is highly critical of everyone. Wrong clothes, wrong appearance, no one ever does anything right. I hung on for the sake of the kids, which, in retrospect, I wish I didn’t do. I finally realized that I just couldn’t make them happy, and the effort was ruining me, too. I met someone in our city, and it was clear there was a mutual attraction. I initiated it, but the sex wasn’t the point."
"The point was to feel wanted again and to know there was someone out there who didn’t know me but could actually see the good in me. I expected to feel guilty but never actually did, not for a second. It never led to anything more, but it’s a small thing that I get to keep for myself. I think far more about the hours I just got to be held and cared for than the physical stuff. That part was awesome."
—Anonymous
17."I cheated on my long-term boyfriend with a guy from work. We hadn’t been on the best of terms, and it made me realize that I was severely depressed. He didn’t believe depression was real and told me I needed to go outside more. It gave me the push I needed to leave an emotionally and physically draining relationship, and the only regret I have is not breaking up with him sooner."
—Anonymous
18."Honestly, no regrets. It was a very toxic, on-again-off-again, long-distance relationship. I was away at college, and he was living with his mom in our hometown. One of his guy friends introduced him to a woman who needed a place to keep her horse. She started keeping it at his mom’s house, and they started hanging out. I found out, and he denied everything, saying they were just friends. He failed to mention that our mutual friend would have them go on double dates. I had every intention of breaking up with him but chickened out. Then one night, I hooked up with a baseball player."
"I told him the truth about it, he forgave me (cuz he was doing worse), and we moved on until I decided to end things for good. Huge shocker: not even two weeks later, he started dating that woman. I feel bad for being that type of girlfriend, but I know he was cheating on me to begin with. So instead of being mature, I got even."
—Anonymous
19."I was in a 15-year marriage with a controlling, abusive man who had me walking on eggshells daily. Why I stayed so long, I don't know. I was miserable, except for my wonderful kids. I was a good wife and mother. Once my kids were in school, I finally returned to the workforce after being a SAHM for years. My job eventually brought me out of my isolated shell, and I gained the confidence to know I didn't have to live that way. Something in me sort of snapped, and thus began a wild few months. I messed around behind his back several times, and it was exhilarating to me, knowing what I did to him."
"Toward the end of that time, I knew I had to end our marriage and move on. I told him I wanted out, and it was over. He did find out about the cheating, and to this day, I don't care, and I'm not sorry at all. He put me through hell for YEARS and deserved every single bit of it. I'm glad he found out. Subconsciously, I know the act of cheating put me at the point of no return, which spurred my decision to leave. It might be cowardly, but it was a long time coming, and I knew infidelity was a non-negotiable for him, so he wouldn't resist divorcing.
I have since remarried to a very kind and loving man (not someone I cheated with), and we have a great life and a happy home. My kids have been able to see what a happy marriage looks like. My ex is a miserable and lonely person."
—Anonymous
20."No, I don't regret it. I know it was wrong, but cheating meant I didn't feel unwanted or unloved or undesired anymore. And he was a great guy, but sincerely not better than my husband, who didn't love me anymore. I guess the cheating experience yielded the bitter truth that both of us weren't able to face and accept. To this day, he doesn't know I cheated; we separated due to other non-sexual issues."
21."My ex-wife and I split on bad terms; lots of name-calling and false allegations (all from her). Years later, after I remarried, my ex and I had an affair. The truth was revealed like it always is, and I was forced to decide which way to go. I realized my ex hadn’t changed, and the affair was driven in part by the hurt she caused when she originally left, as well as my need to reconcile in my mind that she was wrong about me. Long story short, I stayed with my new wife and worked through it, but I still have regrets for putting her through this. An affair is devastating, but trust can be rebuilt over time. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking."
—Anonymous
22."After my affair was discovered, my husband kicked me out of our house, and I stayed in hotels until I moved into an apartment. He filed for divorce, took me off our mortgage, and we have joint custody. I never thought having the time to myself like I wanted so badly would feel this lonely. I got exactly what I deserved. I don’t even like the guy I had an affair with anymore."
—Anonymous
23."After the birth of our child, my husband lost interest in having sex. We were six years together then (23 years together now and going strong). He is a loving father, and we have a loving and steady life. But sex is only when he initiates, and it’s three times a year if I’m lucky. I discussed the difference in our sex drives many times but without success. Over the years while raising our son, I became more and more unhappy. I love him, but hey, I love myself, too. Something had to change, but for the sake of our child, separation was no option. About eight years ago, I met a man who was working in my area."
"We got to talking for a bit, and I gave him my number. We ended up meeting somewhere in private, which I was nervous about and embarrassed by because I knew I would break my faithfulness towards my partner. It was tearing me up inside. Also, the secret texting made me feel terrible. I was so full of guilt towards my husband on the one hand, but so happy for myself that someone wanted to touch me on the other hand.
It was not a one-night stand. I’ve been with this man on the side ever since. He has his own family now. By seeing him once in a while, I can deal with my relationship much better. I love my husband for ALL the other things. I feel guilt still, but without my second man, I would be miserable."
—Anonymous
Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Share your experience in the comments below or using this anonymous form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
