It's not just people in toxic relationships that get annoyed or irritated with their partners, you know. Even those in healthy relationships can get wound up by their partner(s) every now and then, and that is totally normal. You are, after all, two (or more, if you're polyamorous) humans trying to enmesh your lives despite being separate entities. A bit of annoyance is to be expected. But how do you go about telling your partner they're winding you up? Ideally, you'd do it in a way that doesn't make them get defensive, pissed off, or angry.
So, here's how IRL women communicate to their partner that something they do is doing their head in. Take. Notes.
1. "The good ol’ sandwich method: a nice remark, the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, and then a thank/love you. Here’s a recent example between me and my husband: 'I appreciate everything you do around this house after a hard day at work, but can I make a suggestion? Can you please put your dish in the sink instead of right next to it? Thank you babe, I love you dearly'. I mention it the minute it happens. If I can't do that, I'm with the wrong person." [via]
2. "The keys here are to: validate first, give the constructive criticism second, and then show some manners at the end." [via]
3. "Sometimes an SO doesn't know they're being irritating, or they're irritated themselves, or don't understand your reaction/irritation. Just be receptive and understanding yourself, and don't let that irritation bottle up until it's an emotional argument bomb." [via]
4. "I flat out just say it. I try and be as honest as possible with my partners. If something irks me, I’ll just tell them and then try to move on." [via]
5. "I'm quite direct and nip it in the bud as soon as it happens. 'Babe, when you do ABC it makes me feel XYZ. I don’t like it.' If they do it again, be a little firmer in your response." [via]
6. "I say, 'Hey darling, you know how I sit down when I pee? Well it would be really nice for me if you could put the seat back down after you use it?'" [via]
7. "Give direct instructions, explain why, and use a very light and polite tone of voice. If he gets upset about it, then directly ask him how he would like to be approached about issues you have. This forces him to reflect and be a part of the solution making process." [via]
8. "It’s all about being open and respectful, and kind in your delivery. If you approach the topic nicely and they take offence then reevaluate and go from there." [via]
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