"Young People Would Be Surprised By This": 21 "Hard To Swallow" Truths About Getting Older That No One Talks About
Growing older is certainly a privilege of life, but that doesn't mean it's always easy — mentally or physically. Recently, older adults of the BuzzFeed Community shared with us the hard truths about aging that no one really talks about, and what they said was incredibly eye-opening:
1."Not being able to see the same. My eyesight has gotten worse over the years, and it's really annoying having to use reading glasses for almost everything. I look at different painting jobs I've done over the years, and my work keeps getting worse because I can't see properly."
2."Balance! No one expects to realize how tenuous this becomes. The fear of falling changes so many other aspects of life. Also, reverting to the same challenges of a toddler: words, distance walking, heavy lifting, grasping new ideas, and lots more."
—Anonymous
3."Being invisible. No one sees me or pays attention to me. Doctors don't really listen to me. My husband, who is younger than me, does not walk with me when we are shopping. He walks behind me, and when I try to turn around to him, he appears not to be there. I’m 84 and have no one except my husband. My son and his son, who is my only grandchild, are both in prison."
—Anonymous
4."Not mentally aging and staying stuck in the past that made you comfortable. I think some people aren't able to break free and become bitter because of it."
5."There is much more to retirement planning than financial. I started planning the next stage of my life with three years to retirement, and I feel fortunate that I did so. I wish I had started planning five years ahead only to avoid feeling pressured during the last six months of my career, but that is nitpicking. One's second act in life is just as if not more important than their first. I still tutor for a local STEM high school, volunteer at a local museum, and help organize local food drives at 75. I have commitments booked for the next year and love how busy I am."
—Mike, 75
6."No one ever talks about being afraid of how and when you will die. Everybody does, but as you get closer to the 'jumping-off place,' it will enter your mind more than you want it to, no matter how healthy you think you are."
7."Ear hair. Never even imagined...like, WTF?"
8."That the dominant pop culture and mass advertising is not interested in you, and you feel you are not part of what's happening. Even the new slang is outdated by the time you get it or hear it. Thus, you are left out of the day-to-day flow of the world."
—Doug, Georgia
9."Ageism in the workplace."
10."No matter how healthy you try to live, you will get health problems and die. You can delay health issues a bit, perhaps, but they'll come and accumulate. Or they come anyway because you have the wrong genes. Certainly, make some reasonable choices about healthy living, but obsessing over it will get you the same six feet of dirt as everybody else. Be sure to enjoy life, too."
—Chris, 55, Florida
11."Being alone due to the death of a significant other and not having anyone to take you to medical appointments (when you are not allowed to drive yourself) or do home projects that you can't."
—Anonymous
12."I wish we weren't referred to as 'senior citizens.' We don't call people 'junior citizens' until they turn 65!"
13."Getting old isn't for the weak. At 80, I can't hike alone in the woods anymore, and I don't think my kids would let me drive across the US by myself, even though I've done it before many, many times. I am lucky to have terrific hobbies, though. I knit scarves for ladies in need, do different art projects, self-publish books, read, take day trips, and hike with my daughter. My goal at 50 was to live to 100. What an honor that would be!"
14."The most frustrating part of getting older is listening to people who THINK and ACT like they are old. I do my best not to listen, as I prefer to be inspired by the 101-year-old yoga teacher I took a class from, the 82-year-old who won her first ballroom dance contest, and the 106-year-old who jumped from a plane. It isn't over 'til it's over, and I plan on living every day as if it were my last, with joy and hope. I am just now embarking on a new career and am excited about all the new experiences I will create. We all have challenges, and we all have losses, but it's how you handle them that matters. LIVE ON!"
—Elisa, 60, New Mexico
15."I keep active and maintain a healthy weight, but I've become lactose intolerant and get reflux from anything sugary or fatty. There's no such thing as 'treating myself' to meals or snacks anymore because I will just suffer if I eat those foods. It's aggravating."
16."Noticing my memory and dexterity slipping a bit since breast cancer and chemo a few years ago, mixed with being 65. Nothing major, but I see the looks I get when I can't find a word, or when I stumble when using the dumb card machines at the store. Those 'hurry up' and 'poor thing' eyes on me make me anxious, and I mess up even more. People are impatient with the elderly in today's fast-paced society. I just keep telling myself, "They'll be here one day and understand.""
—Gina, 65
17."The one thing that's started happening to me on a surprisingly regular basis nowadays is when random body parts start hurting for no apparent reason."
18."Being called 'ma'am.' Whenever I hear it, I still look for someone else because I don't feel like a 'ma'am.' I think young people would be surprised to find that inside, you feel like the person you've always been. So it's a shock when people treat you differently."
19."Not being able to travel in the way one could when younger. On a recent trip to Paris, I was unable to use the metro because of the many stairs. I was forced to take taxis everywhere, and they weren't all honest drivers. Intercity train travel was not the easy thing it used to be either. Travel as much as you can while you are younger and agile!"
—Anonymous
20."Younger people have no respect and talk awful to us! But they don't understand that one day, they will be in our shoes!"
21.Lastly: "Learning to let go. This is a difficult thing, but it is ultimately cathartic. Letting go of perfection is maybe a blanket term, but it is appropriate. Realizing that you are not going to be the perfect gardener, financial planner, writer, lover, partner, or anything is daunting, but letting go of that notion of perfection is probably one of the most liberating things you can do. Life, after all, is that perfect imperfection, and once you see it, you are free."
—Dave, 74, Canada
If you're an older adult, what is a hard truth about aging that's rarely talked about? Let us know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your thoughts using this form!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
