This week we should have been ramming our wellies into an overstuffed rucksack, lining our pockets with cans of Red Stripe and looking forward to a week of practically bathing in dry shampoo. But, thanks to a little thing known as a global pandemic, we'll have to spend our time watching re-runs on YouTube. Or we could always try taking a week off washing for a semi-immersive experience?
If you can't tell, I'm in slight denial that Glastonbury is off this year, especially on the festival's 50th birthday. But that doesn’t mean we can’t relive the best bits. From exploding toilets to endless feuds with the Gallagher brothers, here are the most iconic moments Glastonbury has seen through the years...
1970: Tickets sold for £1
In 1970 the first ever Glastonbury took place on Worthy Farm. Tickets were a bargain at £1 and included free bottles of milk, fresh from the farm. Performers included T. Rex and Al Stewart - not the one from Home & Away we hasten to add.
1995: Robbie Williams surfaced post Take That
This is what can only be described as 'vintage Robbie'. The singer had just left Take That and showed up backstage at the festival rocking bleached hair, a now infamous red Adidas tracksuit top and hanging off Liam Gallagher's arm.
We're not sure what exactly happened but they've hated each other ever since.
1998: The poo explosion
Yes, you read that right. The Great Poo Explosion of '98 occurred when the dance tent was flooded with mud, so someone came up with the genius idea of using the toilet truck and corresponding pipe to suck up all the mud. In a thoroughly slapstick error, the machine was set to blow, filling the tent with the contents of the festival toilets instead.
Various: The Kate Moss catwalk
Glastonbury is to Kate Moss what Christmas is to Michael Bublé. As soon as Mossy lands on site, the festival can finally get started. She's been there with every ex from Pete Doherty to Jamie Hince, rocking waistcoats, PVC pants, tiny shorts and of course Hunter wellies. Even supermodels have to stay dry in the mud.
All hail Mosstonbury.
2005: The site became a literal port for sea-born vessels
Shock-horror, Glastonbury was wet and muddy, but in 2005 the rain was so bad that the crowds had to take matters into their own hands and transport their stuff around in rubber dinghies and canoes. Personally, I'd like to know how they got hold of the canoe in the first place. Presumably it's a fold-up one that you can store in your wellies.
2008: Jay Z took to the main stage
2008 was the only year tickets didn’t sell out immediately. People felt Jay Z wasn’t rock 'n' roll enough to headline. Noel Gallagher sniped, “I’m not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It’s wrong.” In response, Jay Z began his set with a performance of Wonderwall.
Noel - 0, Jay-Z - 1.
2009: Gaga's bra caused fireworks
Back in 2009 when Gaga was relatively new on the scene and Poker Face was her biggest song, Gaga wowed the crowds with not just her voice but also a boob flame thrower. A health and safety hazard, yes, but it was a bloody good show.
2011: Beyoncé flies in
A secretly pregnant Beyoncé closed Glastonbury 2011, making her one of the only women to have ever done so. And the set list... Crazy in Love? Of course. Independent Women? Naturally. She even covered Kings of Leon's Sex on Fire. Frontman Caleb Followill said, “Beyonce made me masturbate to my own song.” Fair enough, Caleb.
2013: The one where The Rolling Stones finally said yes
Michael Eavis had been trying to coax the geriatric rockers into headlining the festival for years, and they finally succumbed, cracking jokes about it on stage and delivering a performance that will go down in Glastonbury history.
Festival organiser Michael Eavis said the mud and rain in 2016 was the worst he’d ever seen at the festival, causing mud fights, mud wrestling and other assorted mud games. Good old fashioned fun.
2019: Lewis Capaldi mocked Noel Gallagher
Speaking of Noel, last year Capaldi began his set with a clip of Gallagher asking “Who's this Capaldi fella? Who the f*ck's that idiot?" Lewis then took to the stage dressed as Noel’s estranged brother Liam. Shots very much fired.
2019: David Attenborough made an appearance
Sir David surprised the crowds when he showed up on the Pyramid Stage to launch his latest BBC series and to deliver a rousing speech about the environment, praising the festival for going plastic free. Attenborough for PM.
Fingers well and truly crossed for 2021.
Cosmopolitan UK's June issue is out now and available for purchase online and via Readly. You can also SUBSCRIBE HERE or read on Apple News+. Find our podcast 'All The Way With...' on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and the Acast app.
Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox.
You Might Also Like