Meet the millennial volunteers building friendships with lonely older people

In recent weeks, the phrase “OK boomer” has become an endlessly repeated put-down with which millennials and their even younger cohorts dismiss the “problematic” attitudes of those born just after the war. Its popularity as a catchphrase – it’s been heard in the New Zealand parliament and you can buy T-shirts with it as a slogan – suggests there might be a yawning gap in attitudes between the old and young.

But this generational split is by no means universal: indeed, there are signs that increasing numbers of young people want to spend their time with their elders.

Mary Clare, 19, was so keen to close the generational divide that the first thing she did on the morning of her 18th birthday was sign up to volunteer with The Silver Line. She had seen a television advert for the telephone befriending service, and had been counting down the days until she was old enough to apply.

She was paired with Rosemary, a 65-year-old woman who lives alone and, despite being sociable, often feels like having someone to talk to. Mary now calls Rosemary every Sunday, a day when Rosemary “doesn’t talk to anyone except for those at church. She says my phone call is about not feeling that isolation.”

And the 46-year age gap doesn’t bother either of them, says Mary, who is from Leigh, near Wigan, and one of the youngest of the charity’s 2,000 volunteers. “If anything, the North-South divide is worse.”

The Silver Line – which is one of three charities supported by this year’s Telegraph Christmas Charity Appeal – was founded in 2012 by Dame Esther Rantzen, after she was widowed in her 70s.

Dame Esther is not the only one who has felt alone in later life: four in 10 older people say that the television is their main source of company, and half a million spend at least five days a week not speaking to anyone at all.

Following her experience setting up ChildLine in the 80s, Dame Esther thought older people would also benefit from a helpline, with the additional benefit of the “buddy” service that sets up volunteers to make a weekly call to older people.

Demand for The Silver Line is clear: since the service launched in 2012, it has received 2.5 million calls.

Kristen Dougall, 28, is another volunteer whose shares a large age gap with her buddy, 78-year-old Mary. She volunteered to make a half-hour phone call every week after “bawling my eyes out” watching an advertisement for the charity, and imagining her own grandmother, her “nonna”, being lonely. “If your grandparents are alive, make sure you’re putting in the time for them,” she says. “I talk to mine every day.”

Kristen says she and Mary have “girly” chats, which might otherwise be missing from her buddy’s life, as she has no daughters to gossip with.

Because it’s not just people who feel chronically isolated that call The Silver Line. Half of over-75s in the UK live alone, so there are many people who just need an occasional extra voice when they’re by themselves. That’s the case for Mary’s buddy Rosemary, who keeps busy with several social groups but finds the house a bit empty in the evenings when she gets home. “Sometimes in the week, she’s more social than me,” says Mary.

Thanks to The Silver Line, real friendships have blossomed across the generations, too. Mary says that despite the 46-year age gap between her and Rosemary, the pair gossip like old pals. “We’re both single, so we talk about boys like I’m talking to one of my girlfriends,” she says. Rosemary’s advice is often even better than what she gets from her immediate circle, given that “she’s older and has made mistakes”. (“She’s very clued up about men,” says Mary.)

Kristen, too, feels a real connection with Mary. “It was something I wanted to do selflessly, but I’ve enjoyed it so much,” she says.

They have a surprising amount in common: Kristen has Italian family and Mary previously studied the language, and they both share Catholic backgrounds. Calls through The Silver Line are only meant to last for up to 30 minutes, but Kristen says that’s the absolute minimum length of time they speak for. “I feel so lucky that I got paired with Mary – we bounce off each other and it’s so natural every week.” Their Tuesday evening calls are a regular part of her social life: “My week only feels complete when I’ve had a call with Mary,” she says.

Louise Empson, 29, says the Silver Line matching process also blessed her with a buddy with whom she had an instant “click”; she and 79-year-old Alison share passions of “reading, history and art”, and their weekly discussions about watercolours reignited Louise’s lapsed interest in drawing. “It feels like an equal friendship,” she says.

The fact that such bonds can be formed over a phone line is even more remarkable given that the pairs never meet in person. Safeguarding procedures at the charity mean that buddies aren’t allowed to give their address or even the town where they live. Instead, many post things to each other via the charity’s offices. “We always send each other birthday cards,” says Kristen.

The Silver Line’s service is not not just helping older people deal with loneliness: it can also be a comfort to their volunteers. “I have felt lonely at different times in my life,” says Louise, “especially when I recently found myself living on my own. I was lonely, at times, at university, too. It really does affect everyone.”

She says that talking to her buddy Alison gives her “a boost, especially when it’s a dark evening outside – it can really cheer me up”.

For her part, Mary says she appreciates the chance to move beyond her usual friendship circle and talk to someone older, who has “so much to teach me”. She says usually “I don’t talk to people older than 60”, while her buddy Rosemary “doesn’t talk to anyone under 35… it’s a bit like a grandmother-granddaughter situation.”

Louise agrees that it’s nice to get to know someone of a very different age. “All my grandparents have passed away, so I think it was nice for me because I don’t have that in my life anymore. Having a connection with an older person is something worth cherishing.”

 The Silver Line is one of three charities supported by this year’s Telegraph Christmas Charity Appeal. Our two other are Leukaemia Care, which provides support to individuals and families affected by blood cancer; and Wooden Spoon, which works with Britain’s rugby community to raise money for disabled and disadvantaged children. To make a donation, visit telegraph.co.uk/charity, or call 0151 284 1927

Alternatively, Sunday December 1 is our Annual Charity Phone-in Day, when members of Telegraph staff will be on stand-by to take your donations. To chat to some of the Telegraph’s best-known names and make your donation, call 0800 117 118 between 10am and 6pm tomorrow