Matt Gaetz Is Determined to Surpass His Own High Standards for Being a Pompadoured D*ckhead
In my odd moments when I’m not thinking about how completely screwed the country is, I pause for a moment to reflect on things like the fact that California has congressmen named both Adam Schiff and Adam Smith—the OG DA from the original Law and Order, and the OG economist from the 18th century. The latter is the chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, which, on Wednesday, heard from Generals Mark Milley and Kenneth McKenzie, as well as Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin, the same trio that had such fun with Senate Armed Services on Tuesday. How things went can best be judged by the words with which Chairman Smith concluded the hearing. I think we can all agree that Smith has a wonderful…er…economy of words.
I do not in any way support some of the comments some of my colleagues made or the way they chose to conduct themselves, but that is a small price to pay for the transparency that we need to allow the committee to do its job. I appreciate you being willing to do that and giving us the opportunity to have this discussion and we'll certainly continue to discuss this situation as we go forward.
Put simply, some of the Republicans on the House committee made the Republican members of the Senate committee look as dignified as funeral directors. Smith was speaking most directly about Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Rap Sheet), who was determined to surpass even his own stratospheric standard for being a pompadoured dickhead.
It seems like you’re [Austin] chronically bad at this and you have admitted that, which I guess is to your credit. But when people in the military, like Lieutenant Colonel Sheller, stand up and demand accountability, when they say you all screwed up, when they point out that General Milley's statement that the government of Afghanistan is not going to get defeat—defeated by the Taliban, he ends up in the brig and you end up in front of us, and your former employer ends up with a lot of money, and we have poured gas and blood and capability into a government that was a mirage. And while the guy [Milley] sitting next to you was talking to Phil Rucker and doing his thing with Bob Woodward, we were buying into the big lie, that this was ever going to be successful and we could ever rely on the Afghanistan government for anything at all.
You seem to be very happy failing up over there. But if we didn’t have a president that was so addled, you all would be fired because that is what you deserve. You have let down the people who wear the uniform in my district and all around this country. And you’re far more interested in what your perception is and how people think about you, and insider Washington books, than you care about winning.
Later, former White House physician Ronny Jackson, now a congressman from Texas—where, apparently, a Republican ficus plant could get elected if it found the right congressional district—came chiming in. His contribution can best be described as sub-Gaetzian. Jackson just doesn’t have the same natural gifts, but he clearly works hard to develop what he has, which is plainly a talent for tossing word salad.
(to Milley): What were you doing during this timeframe? Before you answer that question, let me tell you, you were two days, just two days prior to when these provinces fell, you were here on our committee on June 23rd. You sat before this committee and listed some of your concerns that we talked in depth about. One was defending critical race theory in the military, telling us you want to understand white rage, telling us how offended you were to be labeled as woke, and worrying about what caused American civilians to enter the Capitol on January 6th. I submit to you that perhaps we would not have 13 service members and hundreds of Afghans killed, 18 service member wounded and countless service members abandoned and left as hostages, if you had been more focused on your duty to the country instead of defending and pandering to the Biden administration's woke social experiment with the United States military, doing book interviews, and colluding with Chinese military officials. Yesterday, Senator Cotton asked you why you haven't resigned, and you said you were not going to resign just because the president didn't take your advice. Well, I submit to you, sir, you should resign because of your dereliction of your duty.
Jackson’s imitation of an OAN anchor required some clarification from Chairman Smith. Judging by his remarks, Smith probably remembers back in 2018, when Jackson told America that El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago was 6'3" and weighed 239 pounds when clearly the shadow of the presidential* hindquarters weighed more than that. Smith made it clear that Jackson was running a riff on what Milley had said.
Just for the record, on that date in question, what Chairman Milley was doing was appearing before this committee at our request and answering the questions that we asked him. And I appreciate his willingness and the willingness of all of the leadership to appear before us. That is incredibly important part of their job and I don't want to leave any of you with the impression we don't want you do it, just because of questions like that.
One day, they’re going to need a whip and a chair.
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