Married women are sharing what they find hardest about marriage

The Editors
·4-min read

From Cosmopolitan

Married life can be wonderful and fulfilling and a huge laugh, but like any relationship, it can be really bloody hard sometimes. Marriages and healthy relationships take work, and that's OK. It's common and normal to have ups and downs, challenges and negotiations throughout your marriage. These married women were asked, "What is the hardest part of marriage for you?" and here's what they said.

1. "I think the hardest for me is also what's one of the best -- never really having much just me, totally alone time. I lived alone for five years before I met my husband, and for two more after we met. But there are definitely days where I miss my little studio apartment and with all its quiet. It was a space that was just entirely mine. I wouldn't trade my husband and kids for the world, but I miss that little part of my old life a bit." [via]

Photo credit: Carlina Teteris
Photo credit: Carlina Teteris

2. "Getting used to not having things your way all the time. Another whole person's point of view and preferences have to be taken into account. You can't just run out one day and shave your head bald, book a trip or make a big purchase without consulting the other." [via]

3. "In-laws." [via]

4. "Housekeeping. I married my husband at 22, he had never lived on his own and his parents didn’t teach him a damn thing about cleaning. The stories I could tell about what he thought was clean or OK to do would make your hair curl. When I caught him using the TOILET to rinse the mop I lost my mind and made it very clear that we weren’t living like this anymore. Even now, 24 years later I sometimes look at him in confusion." [via]

5. "The transition from partners to parents. We were friends for years before we dated, we were together and living together for nearly a decade before we got married. We built an apartment, bought a house, planned a wedding, lived through life-changing medical diagnoses... the list goes on. We did it all together and we were mostly on the same page the whole time. If not, we argued it out and found a solution.

Photo credit: Hello World
Photo credit: Hello World

"Then our daughter was born. All of the plans we had, all the hypothetical conversations about parenting that we'd had over the course of our relationship, they don't necessarily apply to real life or to our specific kid. We don't have the time to argue our point of view about every situation in real-time because by the time we compromise we're arguing about something else. We know we're ultimately on the same team, but we're out of sync. It's incredibly hard to be a married couple and parents at the same time without compartmentalising those pieces of yourselves." [via]

6. "The hardest part for me was working in the drastically difference in communication (my family is assertive when facing a problem, his is passive aggressive or ignores the problem in the family until it goes away). We had to go to marriage counselling for the communication." [via]

7. "Making sure each of us is putting effort into the relationship. There's a lot of every day logistics involved in being together, sometimes we forget to take care of the bond between us." [via]

Photo credit: Westend61
Photo credit: Westend61

8. "I think it's dealing with a crisis on top of everyday responsibilities. Like you have jobs, maybe kids and/or pets, a residence, volunteering, etc. And then every however many years you add to that juggling act the death of a family member, someone getting dementia or cancer, a broken window, a theft, a redundancy, or some major stressor. It can be hard during those times to just be a couple because getting through the checklist of a day can eat up all the time you give it when under a big stress." [via]

9. "Living with someone else. I really, really enjoyed living with myself, not having to listen to someone else's noise or worrying about making noise if someone's sleeping, etc. Dealing with other people's messes - even though he picks them up, it's still there, having to take into consideration someone else's opinions when decorating, watching whatever I want on TV, etc." [via]

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