In a viral post shared to the popular Reddit forum “TrueOffMyChest” on Wednesday, user I_CHEATED_AITA shared that he told his girlfriend to “let go of the past” when it became clear she could not forgive him for hooking up with another woman at a friend’s party two years ago.
The 27-year-old man explained that he had been dating his 25-year-old girlfriend since college, and was “100 per cent, unequivocally in the wrong” for his transgression. The day after he cheated, the man immediately came clean to his girlfriend and after “almost a week of apologising,” the two decided to continue dating.
“There were, however, some conditions to our continued relationship that I fully acquiesced to,” he wrote in his Reddit post. “I gave my girlfriend unbridled access to all of my electronics and social media. She had full permission to look through anything she wished at any time.”
The original poster [OP] also cut off contact with his female friends, with the exception of reaching out on special occasions like birthdays or engagements. Most of his female friends were understanding of his reason for distancing from them.
“Our relationship took a while to heal, but it did eventually get better,” he explained. “The catch was that whenever we’d fight, my girlfriend would bring up my major, past transgression. If I ever got a text from a female friend, no matter how innocuous it’d be, my girlfriend’s reaction would range from suspicious to full-blown stalker, detective mode. And honestly, for the longest time I was OK with this. I’d messed up in a major way, and if this is what it took to maintain our relationship, then so be it.”
However, his girlfriend’s continued suspicion slowly started getting on his nerves, especially when she would use it as her “trump card” during an argument. Things took a turn when he recently threw himself a low-key birthday party with his close friends and girlfriend. “We all had a great time, hung out until pretty late and went home,” he wrote. “When I woke up, though, my girlfriend was pissed. Like, as pissed as I’ve seen her in a while.”
The girlfriend had seen a text from one of his former close female friends, wishing him a happy birthday. “I really regret reacting the way I did in that moment, but I told my girlfriend that at some point she had to let go of the past,” he said. “I was doing everything I could to rebuild trust in our relationship, and she couldn’t keep instigating things over what was quite literally nothing.”
“She didn’t really respond and just packed some of her things and has been staying at her friend’s house,” he added. “It is what it is.”
The Reddit post went viral, with more than 7,300 interactions and 1,613 comments. A number of Reddit users sided with OP’s girlfriend and agreed that she has a right to not trust her partner after he cheated. Others believed they should seek couples counselling if they wish to stay together. However, a majority of users encouraged the pair to go their separate ways.
“This is why you guys should’ve just ended it two years ago. She will never get over it and you will eventually resent her for that,” said u/chestyCough94. “I’d pull the band-aid off and end things now before it gets worse.”
“I’d probably just break up. Relationships will never be fully healed and she will always have some form of trust issues for now on. Can’t live like that forever,” wrote u/AdvantageKey2084.
Reddit user Material-Grand-7898 commented: “I mean therapy is always an option but if they won’t do therapy then for sure it’s time to pull the band-aid off. Things don’t magically disappear people, go talk about it with a professional.”
One person wrote, “Relationships can keep going after infidelity, I’ve seen it happen, but it will never, never be the same. Trust was destroyed,” while another user shared a similar statement: “I’ve known of too many couples who do fully repair the trust to say it can’t be done. Yes, the relationship isn’t the same, but it’s not worse - just different.”
Others took the opportunity to share their own personal experiences with dating someone who had cheated on them during a relationship. One user explained that they were in a relationship with their ex-boyfriend for five years. Two years into dating he had cheated, but was never unfaithful again. “I could never get over it. I broke up with him three months ago as I realised I will never trust him like I used to,” wrote u/TransportationFew824.
“I have been cheated on and decided to stay in the relationship,” said u/amber_rachelle. “100 per cent of the time left I was in constant anxiety waiting for him to cheat again. It was emotionally exhausting with all of the passwords and checking text. I’d never stay again.”