Love Island review: There’s no point crying over spilt oat milk lattes

·2-min read

In the Love Island villa, a coffee can be a catalyst for love, anguish, and memes. For boys wanting to show affection, bringing your girl her morning java is a sign that you care. Coffee also, lest we forget, gave us Curtis telling Amy that he couldn’t cuddle her in the mornings because he wanted to make the islanders coffee so everyone was ready for the day ahead. The islanders are living in a pressure cooker, and the smallest things can kick off a drama.

Just look at Luca and Gemma. The fishmonger is lightly rubbing Gemma’s back post-Jacques’ recoupling when she accidentally calls him her ex’s name. It’s unfortunate, of course, but it happens! Luca, nonetheless, is fuming. Gemma tries to play it off while Jacques, the aforementioned ex, tells her she should apologise to him. It feels telling that Luca insists to the boys that Gemma is the one in the wrong and Jacques has nothing to be sorry for – when we can see Gemma’s ex lapping it up. But it’s easier to blame a girl than the boys, eh?

Meanwhile, the hideaway is open for the first time. According to Luca, “there’s no sexier place in the world”. Maybe, if your idea is dozens of cameras watching you get it on and broadcasting it to millions of people, parents included. We’ve just been subjected to Andrew describing his kinky fantasies to Tasha, so they’re the obvious choice and return the next morning smirking. Andrew keeps up his “a gentleman never tells” act for roughly six seconds before detailing what went down. To be fair, Tasha tells the girls straight away too.

Then: coffeegate. All the girls are greeted mid-debrief by their partners with a hot beverage to start the day – apart from Ekin-Su. She takes it as a sign that Davide’s given up grafting now Jacques’ attention is elsewhere, and sheds a tear over being the only one forced to make her own oat milk coffee. After a particularly heavy night, I’ve done the same.

Now, I’ve interviewed enough former islanders over the years to know that the challenges are the worst bits about filming. This episode sees the boys dress as sexy mechanics before stripping off and lathering themselves up to impress the girls. All I can think is: god, they must be sweaty in those boilersuits. Dami is voted hottest of the lot. The lads all swing the socks they stuffed their pants with around in celebration.

As a well done for completing the challenge (did they have a choice?), the gang are treated to a party, which is gate-crashed by new boys Remi and Jay. Ekin-Su practically faints in excitement, dusting herself off from the Davide coffee drama and diving right in there with Jay. After all, there’s no use crying over spilt (oat) milk.

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