My London: the Corgis

·3-min read
 (Lee Martin)
(Lee Martin)

Home is…

Buckingham Palace, which will be familiar to regular readers of My London because so many celebrities say ‘Buckingham Palace’ when they’re asked which building in London they would like to buy and live in. Just to be clear, that isn’t happening. You really wouldn’t want to live here anyway, believe us — you can’t get the staff nowadays. Although we will say that whenever we relieve ourselves, it tends to get cleaned up promptly. And using a velvet poop bag, too, not one of those hideous biodegradable ones that commoners probably have to deal with.

If you could buy any building and live there, which would it be?

Oh, very droll. We’re perfectly fine on the property front to be honest, but Number 10 Downing Street does look rather fun. Abba at all hours, portable fridges full of vino, policy being invented on the hoof… and apparently the lady of the house has exquisite taste in paying people lots of money to make it look like she has exquisite taste.

What shops do you rely on?

Fortnum’s for teabags and toilet roll (yes, we do actually use it). Harrods Food Hall if we’re slumming it and the staff have decided to ‘work from home’. And Zara, of course.

Bus, taxi or Tube?

Oh goodness, can you imagine? No, horse-drawn carriage all the way, thank you very much. Those big tall beasts think they’re something, but we know we’re mummy’s favourite — and we love it when they have to pull us around.

What’s the best thing a cabbie has ever said to you?

‘Can I just drop you at the gate, dears? Those men in the furry hats are freaking me out.’

Ever had a run-in with a police officer?

One thinks of Biff’s line in Back to the Future Part II: ‘Kid, I own the police!’

What would you do if you were Mayor for the day?

Close down all of the awful shops selling tat with mummy’s face on. Have another lockdown so we can wander around the city all day without getting accosted for selfies every five seconds. Then cast the gates of Battersea Dogs Home wide open and free our furry subjects!

What are you up to for work at the moment?

Public service, naturally. We can’t all have multimillion dollar deals with Netflix and Spotify, can we? It can be quite gruelling indeed. You and your readers might have four whole days of partying ahead, but we’ve got to be on our A game.

Favourite pub?

We’re going to say The Duke of York on Rathbone Street, just because they’ve had some ‘branding issues’ in the past few years. We don’t see what the problem is. Good beer, gentrified crisps, excellent Scotch eggs… and those lovely eyes peering down at you wherever you sit.

What was the last thing you googled?

‘What on earth is an NFT?’ ‘Where to buy Wagyu beef in SW1?’; ‘What restaurant should we say we like if we want to sound cool but never actually go to restaurants?’

Favourite restaurant?

Can we come back to you on this one?

Where in the capital would you recommend for a first date?

Just come over, we’ll get afternoon tea ready. Or someone will.

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