I first had sex aged 30, with my husband, on our honeymoon. Twelve years later, I have chosen to express myself sexually only with him.
I’m a Christian, and I believe that Jesus loves us by giving himself to us unconditionally. By replicating that kind of love in my sex life, I am growing to understand God’s love more. It’s not a question of moral purity so much as modelling to each other what we believe God is like.
In my celibate 20s, friends struggled to understand my decision. They’d question why I was so old-fashioned, and reassure me that I didn’t have to live that way. But waiting didn’t feel like deprivation. I lived a full and happy decade, and didn’t need to derive my value from sex.
That’s not because I’m prudish or asexual. Since marrying my husband, we’ve enjoyed a loving, intimate, fun sex life. It’s changed over the years, but remains a source of great pleasure and trust.
We believe the fact that we made a commitment to each other before we were intimate has created the safety that we experience together. People wonder whether we feel we missed out. Would I have been more “compatible” with someone else? How do I know I couldn’t have had better sex elsewhere, without giving it a go? But that’s been the point, really: we’ve been free to love and enjoy each other sexually without fear of any comparisons. I don’t have to worry that I’m not as good a performer as others. It’s only been me. Together we enjoy sex as something amazing – not to be entrusted lightly.
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