Kate Ferdinand said she worried she 'wouldn't love' her baby

·2-min read
Photo credit: Kate Ferdinand - Instagram
Photo credit: Kate Ferdinand - Instagram

Former The Only Way Is Essex star Kate Ferdinand has opened up about her battle with postnatal depression since welcoming her first child, baby Cree, with footballer husband Rio Ferdinand last year.

Speaking to The Saturdays singer and TV presenter Rochelle Humes on her podcast, My Little Coco, Kate revealed that towards the end of her pregnancy she worried about bonding with her baby, who was born in December 2020. "Everyone was saying, 'Are you excited to have the baby?' I was like, 'No, is that weird?' I felt I was really strange," she admitted.

"When I was in labour I said to the doctor, 'I don't think I'm going to love him'," the 30-year-old recalled. Despite her concerns, Kate said she fell in love with her son as soon as he was born, but that wasn't the end of her experience with postnatal depression.

"The minute he was with me I did fall instantly in love, but I was still in shock," she said, adding that her traumatic birth experience left her with severe bruising, meaning she couldn't be as hands-on as she had hoped.

"I couldn't move, I had really bad bruising and I suffered with quite a lot of guilt," Kate continued, "I felt terrible that I couldn't get up and change the baby and that Rio was doing a lot. I think I might have had a bit of postnatal depression."

As well as her mental health struggles, the former reality TV star previously opened up about the difficulty she faced with accepting her post-baby body. "My body was not the body I recognised. I felt really overwhelmed. I was feeling really abnormal and I started panicking. 'Am I meant to be feeling like this?'" she told The Sun, six months after giving birth. "There are so many things about motherhood that no one tells you. I’d had the baby and I was in this whirlwind of emotion."

Kate also shared a heartfelt message about her post-baby body with her 1.4 million Instagram followers. "After giving birth I truly never thought I would feel myself again, and honestly everything is a bit more wobbly than before," she said, "but I feel so much happier, I am in awe of the fact I have produced my beautiful baby boy and super proud of the woman I have become."

The 30-year-old continued: "I’ve definitely eased up on the pressure I add to myself; I’ve never really had a healthy relationship with my body, but watching what it has done for me and my baby this last 18 months is nothing short of incredible."

As well as her son Cree, Kate is step-mum to Rio's three children – Lorenz (14), Tate (13), and Tia (9) – from his previous marriage to Rebecca Ellison, who sadly passed away in 2015, aged 34.

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