Kanye West's public attempts to win Kim Kardashian back 'violates boundaries,' experts say

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Kanye West has also repeatedly declared that he wants his estranged wife, Kim Kardashian back. (Photo: Getty Images)
Kanye West has repeatedly declared that he wants his estranged wife, Kim Kardashian, back. (Photo: Getty Images)

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from Kanye West nearly one year ago, but the rapper has recently been involved in a very public campaign to win his ex back.

West, who legally changed his name to Ye in October, has been sharing and deleting screenshots of texts with his estranged wife on social media — including ones where Kardashian pleads with him to keep their interactions private. He also shared a photo on Instagram, which he later deleted, of a truckload of roses that he sent to Kardashian's home. West has also publicly maligned Kardashian's new boyfriend, Saturday Night Live star Pete Davidson, prompting Kardashian to say in texts he later shared that she's concerned for Davidson's safety.

West has also repeatedly declared that he wants his wife back. "God please bring our family back together," West captioned a series of photos of his children and Kardashian from her Vogue photo shoot that have also been removed from his Instagram account.

Related video: Kanye West asks for his 'family back' after public spat with Kim Kardashian

Kardashian has made it clear that she wants to keep her divorce as amicable as possible for the sake of the couple's four children. In her March Vogue interview, Kardashian had this to say: "You could be so hurt or angry at your ex, but I think in front of the kids, it always has to be 'Your dad's the best.' ”

This isn't the first time West has made private details about the couple's marriage public. The rapper, who previously disclosed that he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, shared during a 2020 presidential campaign rally that he and Kardashian talked about having an abortion when they discovered that Kardashian was pregnant with their daughter, North.

While Kardashian and West are public figures, experts say it's not uncommon for one person in a divorce to share more than the other would prefer, or to even post information about what's happening on social media. "Usually details revealed are hurtful in nature because whoever is revealing them feels hurt or angry," Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York-Presbyterian Hospital and host of the How Can I Help? podcast from iHeartRadio, tells Yahoo Life. "They want others to side with them or they want others to think poorly of their ex. This attempt at retribution adds fuel to the fire, increasing pain and anger rather than resolving anything."

This can have a big impact on a person's mental health, psychologist Thea Gallagher, an assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast, tells Yahoo Life.

"If you set boundaries and someone is violating them, it can also make you worried about what other boundaries they are going to violate," Gallagher says. "If you've made it clear that you want a divorce, it's really important that someone respect that. It can cause a lot of fear and worry — it can be a slippery slope."

Psychologist Karin Anderson, creator and host of the Love & Life podcast, tells Yahoo Life that divorce is such a "personal and painful experience," adding that "it can be pretty shocking and even horrifying to watch the unraveling of your relationship being displayed for anyone to see."

"It's very distressing to someone who is already in pain," Anderson says.

Having the details of divorce be aired so publicly can also have an impact on family and friends. "It's more information than they should be privy to," Anderson says. "It's none of their business." Having an ex detail your divorce to family and friends "brings other people — and their opinions — into this very private situation," Gallagher says.

Children can also be impacted by this. "Children are vulnerable and impressionable," Gallagher says."This can really impact them emotionally and it opens them up to opinions that you can't protect them against and control. This can be very damaging for a child to witness."

Licensed clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, author of Don’t You Know Who I Am?, tells Yahoo Life that "impacts are most problematic" when children are involved. "Children sometimes feel a sense of shame, fear, anxiety and a whole host of other negative emotions about parents' divorce," she says. "So it becoming public may raise uncomfortable questions they aren't ready to answer, and may even raise a boundary issue — where their hope and right to keep something private wasn't given to them."

Many people on social media have called West's behavior "dangerous," but Gallagher says that being so public about details of a divorce "is dangerous from the outset."

"The second all of this is made so public, they're not respecting your boundaries," she says. "That's dangerous, full stop." An ex publicly begging for you to take them back is also harmful, Anderson says. "It puts undue pressure on you," she explains. "It opens up a Pandora's box with everyone getting emotionally charged in a situation that should be about two people. None of this should be happening."

Psychologist Juanita Guerra agrees. "An individual that violates boundaries is a potential menace," she tells Yahoo Life. "These types of behaviors can speak to character pathology or the surfacing of harassment or maybe even stalking-like behavior. If a mentally unstable individual feels rejected, then there exists the potential for more egregious acting-out behaviors that can present a menace to all involved."

If you find yourself in a situation where an ex is making details of your split public, Anderson recommends reminding yourself that "less is more" when it comes to talking to others, and that you don't owe anyone any information. "Take control of what you can," she says. Anderson suggested saying this to family members who ask about the situation: "I'm really sad that the breakdown of our marriage is now on display. It's hurtful for me, so I'd prefer not to discuss this."

That, she says, "draws a firm boundary without being combative."

As for dealing directly with your ex, therapist Lesli Doares tells Yahoo Life that it's best to avoid reacting to their public antics if you can. "It's very common to want to defend yourself, but they're trying to get some kind of reaction from you," she says. "Usually, it's best not to feed it."

Kardashian has not publicly replied to West's latest comments about their divorce. West took to Instagram on Tuesday to make amends for his most recent posts.

"I've learned that using all caps makes people feel like I'm screaming at them. I'm working on my communication," he wrote. "I can benefit from a team of creative professionals, organizers, mobilizers and community leaders. Thank everybody for supporting me. I know sharing screen shots was jarring and came off as harassing Kim. I take accountability. I'm still learning in real time. I don't have all the answers. To be [a] good leader is to be a good listener."

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