You be the judge: should my sister eat the meals I batch-cook and freeze for us?

The prosecution: Lian

My little sister Jing and I live together in an apartment owned by our parents. I work in finance, while Jing is doing her master’s. We split some of the cooking duties, but in reality I end up doing most of it. However, I can’t stand the way Jing wastes food.

If I cook a big meal, I’ll freeze some of it in plastic containers and eat it over the week. I tell Jing she should defrost a portion when I’m not around and she needs something quick – that’s what I do. But the containers just sit in the freezer unless I eat them. Jing refuses to eat defrosted leftovers. And if she cooks something herself, like chicken with rice or pasta, she won’t freeze the leftovers. She says food doesn’t taste the same after it’s been frozen.

She also says: “I don’t want to eat the same thing twice in a week”, and leaves me to finish it all. It’s as though once she’s eaten a meal, there’s no way she can have it again, and has to make something different. I’m always finding little bits of food in the fridge she has forgotten to eat, like cheese rinds or the last slice of a loaf.

There’s something ridiculous to me about wasting food. I just can’t do it. I won’t throw away ketchup and chutney bottles until I’ve got the last drop out. I also don’t care about eating the same thing twice in a week.

If it’s a good meal, who cares if I’ve had to defrost it? It also saves on cooking. Jing doesn’t have to pay for food, as I usually cover food costs, given I have a job and she doesn’t. But her wasteful habits are making me think twice. Making her pay might force her to be more responsible. I’m not frugal but I hate waste.

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Our parents have money now but growing up, that wasn’t always the way. I remember eating with plastic knives and forks on stools. We couldn’t afford proper cutlery or furniture. Then our family’s business took off. Jing wasn’t born until then, and maybe that’s why she’s so spoilt when it comes to food. She needs to learn to love leftovers and stop leaving them all to me.

The defence: Jing

I don’t care what anyone says, it’s not normal to eat the same thing for dinner three evenings in a row. It’s not that I like wasting food, it’s just that I can’t repeat my meals. It makes me feel like a hamster on a wheel, doing the same thing over and over again.

The solution is to simply stop batch cooking. What happened to cooking for two? Lian loves making loads of food and packing it up into little boxes, but that’s not my style.

I like variety. I don’t want to defrost something we made a week earlier. Most meals don’t defrost properly anyway, so it takes the joy out of eating. I don’t like the way most meals taste after taking them out of the freezer. They are often watery or cold in the middle if you don’t microwave them properly. If Lian simply made smaller portions then we wouldn’t have to worry about all this defrosting nonsense.

She says I’m spoiled but I disagree. I just like to eat like a normal person: cooking for one or two, and having a different meal each night. I’m not opposed to having small amounts of leftovers if I have to, but I don’t like being forced to eat food that I don’t want.

Lian will try to make me feel guilty about refusing to eat something she’s previously cooked and boxed. If the freezer is getting full, or I am discussing what to have for dinner, she says: “Just defrost a meal I’ve made, you’re being so difficult.” I don’t tell her what to do, so I think she should afford me the same courtesy. It’s not like she’s my mum. But because I’m studying and she’s paying most of the bills, she thinks she can boss me around.

It’s not as if I’m eating into her pay cheque – I am able to buy my own food as and when I like, because I live well enough off my student loan. If she wants me to contribute to the food bill I will, but that won’t change my stance on leftovers. They are fine now and again, but I won’t be forced into batch cooking or freezing everything.

The jury of Guardian readers

Which sister needs to eat humble pie?

Lian needs to respect Jing’s views. Food is a personal thing and we all have our quirks. If Jing doesn’t want leftovers, she should cook for herself. Food waste is abhorrent, but you could freeze things in ingredient form or buy less to begin with.
Mark, 35

The act of sharing a meal is something to be cherished, not so much for the food itself but for companionship and fellow feeling. This seems to be something Lian has sacrificed in judging her sister. Food waste is never acceptable, but neither is compelling someone to eat what is not desired.
Catherine, 54

Jing should appreciate her sister’s cooking and having a home-cooked meal ready for her most days, even if it does mean popping it in the microwave. Her laissez-faire attitude to food generally also leaves much to be desired.
Ian, 57

I fully agree with not wasting food and understand why this is important for the planet, but trying to guilt-trip Jing into changing her behaviour is the not right approach. As a compromise, Lian could prepare smaller meals or Jing could cook sometimes. Change might lead to them treating each other as equals.
Caroline, 54

Lian is trying to guilt-trip her sister but the truth is she should just make less food. She is spoiling Jing’s appetite, which probably wastes more food in the process.
Zofia, 24

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Jing buy in to batch cooking?

The poll closes on Thursday 23 January at 10am GMT

Last week’s results

We asked whether Fernanda should accept her dog’s exile at a friend’s house after chasing girlfriend Vivienne’s cat around their flat.

27% of you said yes – Fernanda is guilty

73% of you said no – Fernanda is innocent