‘Me and my husband have a weekly porn night – it’s saved our relationship’
When Anna’s* husband Nick* suggested they watched porn to improve their relationship, she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Having been raised in a religious household, Anna had always struggled with feelings of guilt and self-consciousness surrounding sex, and the thought of watching videos was anxiety-inducing. But now, five and a half years into their relationship, Anna and Nick have a weekly date night - with a difference.
“My upbringing was very strict. There were a lot of taboos and things that you shouldn't do. I remember as a kid going down to McDonald's and being told by my dad ‘you can’t go there’,” the 36 year old tells OK!. “Sex was very, very taboo and something that I struggled with for a very long time. My parents have only ever been together, my grandparents have only ever been together. There’s no divorce whatsoever in my family. I have a very loving family, but I think it’s more closed-mindedness than anything else.”
As a result, Anna says that she didn’t know “anything” about sex. In turn, her relationship with Nick, who she met via work, became plagued by communication issues as she struggled to vocalise her wants and desires.
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“I found it pretty hard to communicate about sex because as a child people didn’t speak to me about it. With Nick, it took a lot to be able to voice those thoughts. When you're talking to a partner that you're intimate with, you don’t want to hurt their feelings or make them feel unloved just because you can’t explain how you’re feeling,” she explains.
“As I was struggling, I was also struggling to know what I liked because I didn't really know what my tastes were. I'd never had an orgasm, for example, and I didn't really know what I should be thinking about doing to make that happen.”
In response, Nick suggested that they watch porn together to bring them closer and to help establish what Anna might like. However, at first things didn’t go to plan. “I didn't like that idea. I found it pretty overwhelming,” she admits. “The first time I watched porn I wasn’t very happy afterwards. I found it really anxiety inducing and I felt guilty because of my religious upbringing.”
But then everything changed when Nick came across a new site, Turn On Video. As they watched clips together, Anna reveals that the set-up “quickly became our go to” when it came to becoming intimate, and now the pair even have a special date night together once a week.
“We have a night each week, like a date night, where we watch videos together and it just allows me to explore the things that I didn't realise that I liked because I wasn't able to explore them when I was younger,” she explains.
And while people may judge them for it Anna credits it for improving their relationship. “It's made it so much better. I find it easier to communicate because the videos I'm watching are touching on that anyway,” she says. “When you've seen something and experienced something together, you can talk about it because you've both been there. Whereas trying to explain, ‘I think I like this’ when you don't know can be difficult.”
*Names have been changed for privacy