Yes, deadline day was a crushing disappointment, and Spanish deadline day was even worse, but it’s OK, because big transfers are still going to happen. And we’re talking really big. We’re talking Ronaldo.
In a breathtakingly sensational tonic to beat the post-transfer window blues, today’s Mirror makes the spectacular claim that Cristiano is going to be signed by… wait for it… not Manchester United, not Paris Saint-Germain, not Tianjin Quanjian…
He’s going to be signed by DAVID BECKHAM.
Yes, it’s true. Deal with it. The Mirror says the legendary United right-winger is ready to buy the other legendary United right-winger for his new Major League Soccer team in Miami. Becks is aiming “to attract huge names to the Florida city” and hopes CR7 is “looking for one last move” in his career.
There is only one small catch, which is that Beckham’s team in Miami doesn’t actually exist yet.
But that’s all right, because when it does exist – in three years, apparently – Ronaldo will be 35 years old and ready to leave Real Madrid to go cruising along South Beach in a pair of tiny shorts (and also play a bit of MLS football).
So that’s something for him to look forward to. But for everyone else, 2 September is a harrowing day of might-have-beens, can’t-believe-they-didn’ts and why-didn’t-they-just-buy-Thomas-Lemar-for-£92m-six-weeks-ago-and-let-me-go-to-Peps.
Coutinho ‘cries’ over failed Barca move
The Sun says Manchester City are considering “legal action” against Arsenal for blocking their £60m deal to sign Alexis Sanchez, which the Chilean had already “formally signed”. It was clearly a shock for City that someone finally turned down one of their silly bids.
There was an even sadder ending for Philippe Coutinho, who was apparently seen “crying” by his Brazil team-mates after learning that his proposed move from Liverpool to Barcelona had fallen through (Calcio Mercato). Poor little guy, hopefully a big bear hug from Jurgen Klopp will make it all better.
But if there’s one man who is glad he didn’t get a move this week, it’s Gareth Bale, who has defied the Bernabeu boo boys to remain in Spain. The Star says Real Madrid president Florentino Perez had “sanctioned” the Welshman’s sale to Man Utd, only for the player to reject the move.
Finally, even if the transfer stories are drying up, good old Wayne Rooney is doing his bit to keep the football gossip wheels turning.
READ MORE: Wayne Rooney charged with drink driving
The Sun has spoken to the 29-year-old “party girl” who was in the car with Wazza when he was arrested for drink-driving on Thursday night. Apparently the Everton forward gallantly offered to drive Laura Simpson home because she was “too drunk” to do it herself (her words) after a “10-hour bender” in Cheshire.
What a nice gesture – sure Colleen will understand.