Here's Why January Birthdays Are Truly Terrible

·2-min read
Photo credit: Getty Images
Photo credit: Getty Images

Capricorns and Aquariuses assemble… it’s time to wallow in self-pity if you’re one of the unlucky of those star signs to have been born in January. Why? Because having a birthday in January is 100% the worst of the worst. Seriously, what else is there to look forward to for the rest of the year if you’ve already celebrated your birthday within the first 31 days? Maybe that’s a little dramatic, but I stand by it.

And before you start, my birthday is 12 January, so I am well within my rights to have this opinion seeing as I’ve now experienced well over 30 crummy beginning-of-year-birthdays.

So, what is it that blows so hard about having a birthday so early on in the year (less than a fortnight, in my case)? Well, firstly there’s the inevitable conjoined Christmas and birthday presents. I’m not being ungrateful, because, of course, receiving a gift at all is grand. But you wouldn’t say to a summer baby at Christmas, “Now, just so you know, this is for your birthday in six months too.”

Photo credit: Giphy
Photo credit: Giphy

Then there’s the fact that January is renowned for being the month where no one has any money after the bank-account-destroying bonanza that is the festive season. So, making plans that aren’t just drinking at home can be tough to get people to agree to.

And speaking of booze, the two words that send a shiver down my spine more than ‘positive LFT’ have always been and will always be ‘Dry January’.

I totally get it – a lot of people are keen to give their internal organs a bit of a break after December’s onslaught. But if you thought getting people out the house was hard enough usually, it’s even trickier when they’ll just be popping out for a lime and soda – especially when the weather is Baltic. Oh yeah, did I mention the weather is always terrible on my birthday? Thanks a bunch, winter!?

Photo credit: Giphy
Photo credit: Giphy

Now, let’s talk about January star signs. I’m not going to have a go at anyone who’s an Aquarius (born between 20 January and 18 February) as it’s simply not my place. But as a Capricorn (22 December – 19 January), I feel well within my rights to tell you how rubbish that star sign is. The traits of a Capricorn are disciplined (read: uptight), practical (read: dry), realistic (read: pessimistic) and sensitive (read: touchy).

Saying that, Dolly Parton, Michelle Obama and the late great Betty White were born Capricorns, so if being a January baby is good enough for those iconic women, maybe I could drink to that – something with booze in it, mind you… I’m still not willing to change my mind about Dry January.

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