This is How to Give Her an Orgasm She Won't Forget

15 steps to give her an orgasm she won't forget
How to Give Her an Orgasm: Sex Tips and Advicecarton_king - Getty Images

Hoping to impress a new partner, spice up your sex life, or simply bank some useful tips for the future? Irrespective of your relationship status, if you’re a man and you like having sex with women, then at some point in your life you will have asked yourself the question: how to make a girl cum?

From the best sex toys to use with a partner, to how to target her sweet spots, keep scrolling for everything you need to know about how to make a girl orgasm...

How to make a girl orgasm

Spoiler alert! Before we get started, we need to bust a few myths. While you can technically ‘help’ a woman climax, it is not your sole responsibility to make her cum, so don’t feel like you have to head into battle armed with all of the secrets to the sexual universe to hit the jackpot.

'There are many factors which can impact reaching orgasm, particularly for women,' explains Kalila Bolton, co-founder of sexual wellness hub, She Spot. 'It's not just about the type of stimulation but her mood, setting, time of day and stress levels can all have an effect. This means that if your partner reached orgasm from a specific position or stimulation in the past, it won't necessarily happen again in the exact same way.'

7 best sex toys to make her cum

In a hurry? These great sex toys and accessories will help you get there. Keep scrolling for further tips and advice.

Don't pressure your partner to cum

Partnered sex is a two-way street and you’re in this together, so you need to work as a unit to both reach a mutually pleasurable destination. And if your partner takes longer to climax during sex – or doesn't cum at all – do not be dismayed. Self-esteem, performance anxiety, fatigue and stress are just some of the lifestyle factors that can impact a woman’s ability to orgasm. There's no one size fits all approach to sex tips and every woman is different, so focus on the journey and not the destination.

'To support a female partner with orgasm, show patience, listen to her specific needs that day and create a sensual environment to spark arousal,' adds Bolton. 'It's also important not to put too much pressure on her orgasm - not only can too much expectation actively reduce the chances of it happening, but sex can still be extremely pleasurable with or without finishing!'

where is the clitoris
Anastasia Usenko

Where is the clitoris?

Most women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. If you need a heads up, here's how to find her clit.

  • Look for the nub

The clitoris is a small nub packed with nerve endings that can be found near the top of the vulva. 'If you're looking at the vulva straight on, the clitoris can be found near the top, above the vagina,' explains Bolton.

  • The clit is usually protected by the clitoral hood

The clitoral hood is a little flap of skin covering the clitoris. However, every woman is different and it can vary in size and shape, so keep an open mind. 'It's often covered by what's known as the clitoral hood but all vulvas vary in shape and size so our top tip here is to ask her rather than guess!' suggests Bolton.

  • Try gently stroking the area

If her clit is not immediately apparent, you may need to coax it out by gently touching or licking the area. Once she's aroused, the clitoris may become engorged and protrude slightly, so it will be easier to spot.

  • Ask her what feels nice

If you’re groping around in the dark, ask her to tell you what feels good or better yet, guide your fingers towards her clit. 'Opening up communication can be incredibly sexy and you may learn about her other pleasure hotspots too!' adds Bolton.

Now you know how to find her clitoris, read our tips on mastering the art of female pleasure...

15 steps to make a girl cum

What works for one woman might be uncomfortable for another, so while these steps may well help your partner to climax, don't forget to check in with her. Use our tips as a guideline to work with your partner to create a safe and sensual space where arousal (and orgasms) ebb and flow.

1. Talk to her

While everyone loves a fumble in the dark, sex doesn’t need to be a guessing game. Give yourself a head start and ask her to tell you, or even better, show you, how she likes to be touched. If you can learn to communicate your desires it will make the entire process much easier, not to mention sexier. Every woman has different turn-ons. Some prefer direct clitoral stimulation, while others might like G-spot play or using a sex toy to climax (we highly recommend this clit stimulator). The best way to find out what turns your girl on is to talk about it!

2. Use sex toys

Some women find sex toys such as clitoral vibrators can help them to reach orgasm, while others don't like the idea on principle, so ask her. Once you've established if she is keen to give gadgets a whirl, go sex toy shopping. There are many different types, so choosing one together could be a fun part of the foreplay. We’ve rounded up our favourites below to give you a head start.

3. Kiss her

Before you get the dildos out, start with a kiss! Studies by Lafayette College in the US found that kissing reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, quickening the time it takes to turn you both on. As you pay lip service, tilt your head to the right – scientists in Germany found this makes you seem more caring, flooding her system with the ‘connection’ chemical oxytocin, building trust and encouraging her to relax. And after a few minutes of passionate kissing, move your lips down to her neck. William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, surveyed 50,000 women and 96% picked a peck on the neck as the perfect warm-up, so kiss and gently nibble her neck for a few minutes.

4. Linger longer over foreplay

Fantasy, anticipation and expectation are all part of the process, so resist the urge to rush things. Take your time, enjoy the moment and linger over the build-up by kissing, caressing and even gently teasing your partner. ‘Foreplay is so important as it gets you in the mood in general and ensures you’re connected, but it also leads to maximum arousal for both parties,’ says Julia Margo, Co-founder at Hot Octopuss.

5. Compliment her

Every time you go in for a kiss, remove an item of her clothing and compliment each part of her body as you undress her. Getting naked is important for obvious reasons, but showing enthusiasm at the sight of her body will also boost her self-esteem. A study by the University of Cincinnati revealed that if your girl feels good when she’s naked, she’s more likely to climax. Your approval will make her feel good and get you one step closer to the goal: making her cum.

6. Try dirty talk

You can set the scene and create a seriously sensual vibe simply by talking. 'Using verbal play can be incredibly intimate and create a huge amount of anticipation and arousal for you both,' suggests Bolton. 'If you're new to "dirty talk" you don't have to do or say anything that's wildly out of character!' she adds. 'Perhaps start by describing what you're doing at that moment - whether it's undressing her or reaching for a sex toy.'

7. Forget about porn

Leave any preconceptions about sex that you picked up from watching RedTube at the door. While porn might turn you on, it is rarely designed with female pleasure in mind. In reality, women are complex, nuanced individuals and no two people are the same, so resist the urge to suggest a gang-bang. If she is into group sex or BDSM and wants to explore this area with you further, chances are she'll suggest it. But for now, stay in your lane and focus on enjoying the moment.

8. Hold off

When she’s down to her underwear, pause for a few seconds. ‘Stroke and caress her through the fabric rather than going for gold,’ says sex therapist Paula Hall. ‘Focus on building anticipation rather than going straight for direct stimulation.’ Feeling like we’re in a rush can actually slow things down and impede a woman’s chances of reaching orgasm, so take your time and tantalise her for a few moments longer.

9. Use lube

When the vulva is aroused or stimulated it produces a natural lubricant, and the clitoris actually becomes engorged as blood flows to it. But if the juices aren’t flowing, don’t stress. Some women take a little longer to get going, so it’s worth keeping a bottle of lube close at hand. Research carried out by the US Association for Chemical Reception Sciences also found that the aroma of strawberries alerts the senses, so squeeze a few pumps of strawberry-scented lube onto your fingers before slipping them gently into her knickers for some fruity fun.

10. Let her cum first

While there are no hard and fast rules about who goes first when you’re first getting started it makes sense to focus on your partner’s pleasure first. Women tend to take slightly longer to hit the high notes, whereas chaps can achieve this quicker, so it’s an efficient use of time, plus it’s polite. But if you do get overexcited and blow your load, don’t stress. Simply start again, with her pleasure at the forefront of your mind.

11. Rub her clit

Now it’s time to get the party started. ‘Try inserting one finger into her vagina while pressing your thumb against her clitoris,’ says Margo. ‘Rub both finger and thumb firmly but gently in a circular motion. If that feels tricky, try a clitoral vibrator. Hold it against her clitoris with one hand and with the other, gently thrust two fingers in and out of her vagina.’ But remember to keep checking in with her. Some women aren't that keen on penetrative sex toys, and you won't know this unless you ask.

12. Lick it good

According to sexologists at the Masters & Johnson Institute, cunnilingus (oral sex) is the most reliable route to orgasm for 80% of women, so now that she’s turned on, get down there and lick it good. For best results, ‘run your tongue over the clitoral hood and the sides of the clitoris - taking note of your partner's responses,’ says Margo. If she sounds enthusiastic, just keep going.

13. Perfect your position

Missionary is the ideal position for oral, but it's not actually that well suited to making her cum during penetrative sex, as you need access to her clitoris and/or G-spot to achieve this. When you're ready to take things to the next level and start having sex, the best position to help her reach orgasm is either with her on top (cowgirl style) so she can grind down on your penis, or from behind (doggy style) where one of you can massage her clit (or use a sex toy) while you penetrate her. But if you are a fan of the missionary position, it's worth investing in a vibrating cock ring, which stimulates her clit while you penetrate her and keeps you extra hard in the process.

14. Don’t stop!

Whether you're having sex or still eating her out when you start doing something that creates a positive response, keeps doing it. Stay at exactly the same speed and pressure, and resist the urge to try anything new. ‘Some women hate too much chopping and changing of techniques,’ says Dr Joni Frater, co-author of Love Her Right: The Married Man's Guide to Lesbian Secrets for Great Sex. ‘It distracts us and takes our arousal back to the starting blocks.’

15. Bingo

If things are slow to progress, try being more animated. Make appreciative noises and cup her bum while you suck and lick her clitoris. Or if your penis is inside her, tell her how horny she makes you feel and how much you want to cum, and keep massaging her clit. When you start to feel her pre-orgasmic contractions (often coupled with gasps of pleasure) you’ll know you’re in the right place.

‘Build up the tempo, focusing on the bud of the clitoris until your partner explodes!’ says Margo. ‘Alternatively, you can use a clitoral sex toy,’ she adds. ‘A finger vibe is perfect as you can easily rest your hand on her vulva and let the toy buzz her to orgasm.’

And if she still doesn't climax? That's OK. Cuddle her, stroke her, talk to her and count your lucky stars you got the chance to get naked with her in the first place.

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