Help! Have you got PCSD (Pre-Christmas Stress Disorder)?
Do you remember how it used to be at this time of year, before Covid robbed us of our ability to trust that essential things like Christmas would just happen as planned?
Ever since the omicron variant came along, we occasionally think the unimaginable, particularly after Boris said that whatever happens, this Christmas would be “better than last Christmas” – which sounded a bit like: “Prepare for some more bad news – maybe around the 19th?”
When it comes to the season of goodwill, we’ve learnt our lesson and will now trust nothing and no one ever again. So welcome, everyone – that is, those responsible for organising Christmas – to the new and probably-here-to-stay Pre-Christmas Stress Disorder (PCSD).
Pre-Christmas stress, pre-pandemic, meant having a party every night, a boozy lunch every other day and limping around for the best part of a month feeling liverish and weepy. It was not getting the desired Ocado delivery slot, being unable to track down the camp bed, and worrying that the oven would let you down on the day because of National Grid overload. Back before Covid, when we said “Christmas is ruined”, we meant someone is sobbing in the bathroom with the door locked and the dog’s been sick on the good carpet. Oh, those carefree days. What we would not give to be back there.
Because we are, once again, in “it will be fine” limbo – and we’ve been here before and it didn’t end so well. Every other day, we’re being triggered by memories of the Christmas that wasn’t, and fretting about what we should and shouldn’t do now to avoid disappointment.
Here, then, are the signs you’ve got PCSD. The chances are you’ll be familiar with them already...
You are panicking about Christmas parties
If you were planning on giving a party, your stress levels will, by now, be through the roof. Should you just carry on, as Boris seems to have said, or only if everyone takes a lateral flow test before they arrive and wears a mask when walking around – the view of Sajid Javid. Should you aim for parties of five, maximum – five! – as minister George Freeman suggests, or just avoid kissing people you don’t already know (Therese Coffey)? The advice has been coming thick and fast, but if anything, it’s only stoking party-season anxiety because no one has any idea what they’re meant to be doing for the best.
It’s not just all of the above, it’s the fact that, whatever happens, virus anxiety will affect your party buzz. Some guests will stay away, some will come for 30 seconds and wave from the door, mouthing: “I have nonagenarian parents to think about.” Others will behave as if the bomb’s gone off and they have seven hours to fit in all of life’s pleasures before it’s too late. Do you risk it? Will the atmosphere be weird whatever happens now? Tricky.
You wonder if it’s worth buying that party outfit as planned
You might miss out, but then who wants to be stuck with a marabou-trimmed mini dress that would have been nice for a Sixties-themed party, not so much for Home Alone 2 Christmas. Good luck.
You have the Christmas-dash flashback
Recently, you were driving in the dark, with the gloomy news on the radio, and it felt exactly like the evening of the mad Saturday dash last year after Boris announced we were back in lockdown from the following day. At the time, you had a car full of presents that no one was going to actually get. Food that was never going to be eaten. The whole family was hitting the phone wanting instructions. Now taking that route after sundown is officially triggering.
You have should-you-or-shouldn’t-you-carry-on-as-usual anxiety?
Back in November, before there was even a whiff of the omicron variant, you consulted others about whether or not it would be wise to hold off making big plans, just in case, and they all said: “Absolutely not. We must carry on as normal or the knock-on effect will be terrible for everyone. Don’t be a Covid Cassandra.”
Even so, you felt a tiny bit anxious about ordering the turkey (must support turkey farmers) and the ham (must support pig farmers), and now you feel that history could be repeating itself and there might be a 5kg turkey sitting in your brother’s freezer for the whole of 2022.
You wonder if you're being generous enough?
Seeing as Christmas was cancelled last year, maybe the plan to ditch stockings is not very “Christmas 2022”?
You have present delivery stress
Would it be better to post them in the knowledge that they will definitely get them, or hold on in the hope that you’ll be able to deliver them in person, as planned?
If you are the sort of present buyer who gets up a head of steam in early December, you may be feeling this more than those of us who have been present-sweating since October.
There is time to think about this – but it does bring forward the need to get all the presents bought and wrapped. Pronto.
