How Hannah Bower fought hard for her mental health postpartum
The word that's defined Hannah Bower's journey? Commitment. As a competitive gymnast who trained 30-plus hours a week, she understood its meaning by age 8. By 10, she was an 'obsessed' level 10, Hannah says. 'I learned discipline and obedience.'
But at 14, when she wanted to explore new activities, her coach gave her an ultimatum: 'You’re either in or you’re not.' Hannah found her way to the less-intense high school team, where she became the first in Colorado history to win a state championship three years in a row.
As college approached, recruiters came calling. But the summer before her senior year, while training at a gymnastics camp, she sprained and broke her ankles landing a move on the floor. Nine weeks later – after doing some rehab, popping lots of Advil, and getting taped up – she competed on injured ankles at the state championships. Hannah lost the all-around title by 0.025 points to a club gymnast.
Hannah now questions whether she would have made the same choice if she’d had someone like Simone Biles to look up to, as she showed that you can prioritise your mental health and your body. 'If my younger self had that kind of role model, I would’ve been like, I don’t have to compete this year. I’m hurt.' Yet it showed her that she could do hard things. 'I was more proud of that competition than any of my other ones,' she says.
She went on to compete for the University of Nebraska, Lincoln, redshirting as a freshman due to stress fractures in her ankles and a sudden case of the twisties. She began to develop various eating disorders and unhealthy workout habits as well.
Two weeks before her sophomore season, just as she was getting back on her feet and committing to her physical healing, Hannah missed a release move on the uneven bars and dislocated both elbows. She underwent reconstructive surgery in which ligaments were taken from her knee and put in her elbows. She was done. 'It was a career-ending kind of injury,' she says.
Staying at college was too painful, so she moved home to finish school at Colorado State University. Soon after, she hit rock bottom. 'I felt like I was stuffed in this dark tunnel and there was no light at the end of it,' she says.
Her wake-up call came in the form of a near-deadly accident in which Hannah – the designated driver after a night out with friends – says she rolled her car off a 40-foot cliff. 'I should have died,' she says. Miraculously, everyone in the car was okay. At that moment, she realised that she could either spiral or find a new identity and passion.
With no car, she rode her bike five miles to work or school which 'stirred those endorphins'. She realised that it felt great. 'I started to remember that I used to love the training and conditioning aspect of my sport,' she says. She also started to push herself more. 'I could be competitive in a different world. It was just me versus me,' Hannah says. Realising that she could motivate herself without a coach was a fresh feeling. 'It was empowering,' she says, challenging herself to get faster each day.
She began sharing on Instagram, including posed and unposed images of her body. Her now-husband, Josh, encouraged her to share every aspect of her journey, what worked for her, and the balance of it all – showing that you could eat your fave foods, go out, and have fun, and still see progress. Her account blew up and became her full-time gig.
But her biggest mind-and-body challenge lay ahead: motherhood. Hannah and Josh welcomed their first child, Jaden, in 2018, and Hannah was pleasantly surprised to find herself rolling with the fluctuations. 'Pregnancy taught me to embrace my body,' Hannah says.
Then came baby number two, at the height of COVID. 'There was a part of me that felt robbed that I couldn’t have the pregnancy I wanted,' she says. Soon after Josiah was born, the struggles started: He was fussy, wasn’t sleeping, and Hannah couldn’t put him down. After trial and error, they uncovered food allergies, reflux, and a tongue-tie.
Petal Black Nylon
Dé Triangle Bra
Mini Skinny Hoops
Hannah’s mental health deteriorated rapidly, far beyond the baby blues. She’d experience a fit of rage, then debilitating shame for losing her temper. She didn’t recognise herself, battling intrusive thoughts and moments of suicidal ideation during which she wondered if her kids would be better off without her. She knew she needed help – once again, she was committed to healing, but nothing seemed to work. Eventually, Hannah discovered Splankna, a faith-based therapy, which allowed her to address childhood traumas surfacing postpartum. As she healed her inner child, she saw a light at the end of the tunnel. 'I saw changes in who I was as a person,' she says. 'It saved my life.'
All of this played out on her Instagram feed, where she shared what was going on. She also enlisted a professional to do a series on postpartum depression and offer resources. Focusing on fitness became less of a priority, which enraged a lot of her following. 'They were like, "I’m here for the workouts",' she says.
It took Hannah about three years of hard work to feel like herself again. Now she’s pregnant with her third child, due in early 2025 – and staying in therapy. 'Motherhood brings out the worst in you while also bringing out the best in you,' she says. 'You’ve got to work on it.'
The hit to her following was real but welcome, and she’s staying true to one of her main messages: 'I love to work out, but there’s more to life,' she says.
In true Hannah fashion, she deeply wants you to find your fitness truth, and she’s committed to motivating you along the way. When people come to her social media page, Hannah wants encouragement to be the number one takeaway. 'Keep going until you find what works for you.' And that goes for mind, body, and soul solutions.
It all adds up: “You can fit in fitness, even if it’s 10 minutes a day or 15 – it’s all beneficial. It impacts the brain. Twenty minutes of walking makes the brain light up and has positive benefits.”
Photographs by Kimber Capriotti. Styled by Kristen Saladino. Hair and makeup: Kristen Pulice. Set design: Cate Geiger Kalus. Production: Wonder Partners.
On Hannah (lead image): Dé Rococo bra; Alice + Olivia by Stacey Bendet short; Victoria’s Secret jacket; Naked Wolfe sneakers; Misho hoops; Jane D’Arensbourg rings; Hannah’s own earrings back and ring (right hand, ring finger) worn throughout.
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