How to cope on your first Christmas without a loved one
Grief can always be tricky to navigate over the festive season, but the first Christmas after the death of a loved one is an incredibly difficult and emotional time to navigate.
Whether it’s watching the emotionally-charged supermarket Christmas adverts, seeing your friends and family or doing your annual traditions without them, it’s natural to feel the pain of their absence as you experience all these ‘first’s without them.
This time of year may trigger a range of different emotions such as anger, anxiety, sadness or despair, regardless of the stage of grief you're in, all of which are completely normal.
If you are struggling with your grief this Christmas, know that you aren’t alone. An estimated 13 million people struggle with bereavements this time of year especially, according to Cruse Bereavement.
Bianca Neumann, Assistant Director of Bereavement at Sue Ryder says: "The anticipation of Christmas can often be worse than the actual day itself. Suddenly, we all become very focused on being happy and cheerful and our thoughts turn to spending time with those close to us. It is very common that grief is more intense and harder to deal with throughout the holiday season."
There is no one way to cope with grief nor is there one secret to 'getting through' your first Christmas without a loved one but Neumann has some advice for anyone navigating grief and the festive season.
Don't overdo it
Neumann stresses the importance of being kind to yourself and taking time for your grief. She says: "If you’ve got a hectic couple of days ahead of you, schedule in some quiet time – whether that’s going for a walk if you need to, setting aside a few minutes to yourself with a cup of tea, or spending some time writing in a journal."
Make Christmas Day plans
Try to make room for your grief and mentally prepare for the big day. Plan ahead about what you’ll be doing in the days and weeks to come, as well as on 25 December.
"You shouldn't feel pressured to have Christmas as usual if it doesn't feel right, although celebrating as you normally would, might be a comfort to you," Neumann continues. "This will be different for each person after a bereavement, so plan for a Christmas you feel comfortable with and give yourself permission to do what you want to do."
Ditch traditions and return to them later
If you are finding it difficult, remember that your traditions will be there for you to return to when you feel up to it. "For many people, Christmas comes hand in hand with a number of traditions that can be linked to memories of the person you are grieving," Neumann continue, "To help you get through this difficult time, consider the traditions and what they mean for you and those around you. Maybe you want to keep to them, but don’t be afraid to change old ones or create new ones."
Start new traditions
"Beginning a new tradition may also help the children in your family, advises Neumann, "particularly if they’re struggling too." It could be as simple as changing what you have for breakfast, wearing pyjamas all day, visiting different friends or family in the afternoon or getting away from home for a completely different kind of Christmas.
You could also have something to honour your loved one who is no longer with you such as lighting a candle in their memory during the day or creating a homemade Christmas bauble to hang on the tree for them.
The first Christmas without someone you love can be challenging, surround yourself with people who know you, love you and support you and give yourself permission to do exactly what feels right for you on the day.
If you are struggling with your grief this Christmas, charities such as Sue Ryder offer a range of online bereavement services and counselling
Read more about grief:
I’m A Celeb viewers praise ‘brave’ Barry McGuigan for inspiring men to talk about grief (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
Strictly’s Annabel Croft says she sleeps next to her late husband's ashes (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
Six ways to navigate parenthood and grief as a young widow or widower (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
