Words: Hope Schreiber
Rain Dove, a gender-fluid model who prefers “they” pronouns, was allegedly Maced by a mother in a public restroom recently. Shockingly, the stranger then tracked down Dove on Instagram to gloat about the attack, stating she would “do it again.” Instead of reacting to the woman with hate, however, Dove attempted to educate her.
The 29-year-old partner of actress Rose McGowan shared the images of their direct messages on Instagram.
“Hola! I am the mother that maced you in the ladies room last week and I would do it again,” she wrote. “I hope that pepper-spray burned the f*** out of you. I think it’s sick that you go into ladies rooms and you encourage others to do it on social media. Go to the 1 your ID says to! Keep you nastie d*** away from us!”
Instead of attacking the woman or, you know, reporting her for assault, Dove decided to show her kindness and to educate her about being gender fluid.
“This person pepper-sprayed me in a ‘women’s restroom’ a little bit ago,” Dove said. “I didn’t get to converse with this being because this person just sprayed me and ran past with their kids in terror, asking the security guard to come in and confront me.”
Dove sent the woman a photo of their passport, where under sex it is marked “F” for female.
The woman replied to Dove, writing, “[But] you didn’t look like one.” When asked why, the woman responded, “Idk. I was gunna say short hair but. guess you coulda been a person with cancer or meth addiction or just a dy**. I guess cuz your tall but I guess female basketball players are tall too. Your face though is really manly. That what did it for me the face.”
At 6’2″, this is something Dove has experienced many times.
Dove messaged the woman back, writing: “What I wanted to say to you before you left so quickly was that while you hurt me I still admire your bravery. You were protecting yourself against what you believed to be a tall cis man coming in to the restroom. With many warnings growing up about getting hurt or even raped in the bathroom by deviant men it’s easy to be brainwashed into thinking that anyone that is what society seems to be a penis-bearer will have negative or sexual intentions when in an intimate place. You did what you thought was right in the moment and that takes courage.”
The woman admits she doesn’t “get this trans stuff,” and asks Dove, “What if next time it definitely is a man in the ladies room? How do I balance being fair and not judging with protecting myself and my kids?”
Dove replied, “Good question thanks for asking! That was my #2 point (pun not intended). First of all it’s great that you want to drop the judgement because there’s no way to ‘look like a girl’ or a ‘boy.’ Everyone just looks like themselves. So seeing them as an individual is really important and respectful. If you see them as an individual then you can assess them as an individual as well.”
The model continued, in part: “Look at their actual actions as an individual, If a person is advancing on you, using inappropriate or threatening language, or brandishing their genitalia in a way that is not aimed at a toilet/urinal then act in a sensible way that’s self-protective. Otherwise, who cares if someone with the opposite genitals is in the room with you.”
The woman seemed to take Dove’s comments to heart. “I still don’t like trans people in the bathroom but I won’t mace anyone next time,” she wrote.
Dove has plans to Skype with the woman, along with one of their transgender friends, and plans to buy the woman lunch via delivery.
“Just get the education out there,” Dove wrote. “Stop the pain. Stop the violence. Stop the homogeneous assessment. See me for my actions not my body.”
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