The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 7-13)

Showed my 9yo some of his newborn pics and he very helpfully pointed out that I looked a lot younger back then

— meghan (@deloisivete) December 9, 2024

You can tell the OP doesn’t have kids bc they think it would be good to have a kid who only needed 4 hours of sleep. https://t.co/4p9gXGLNJ2

— Megan Fritts (@freganmitts) December 11, 2024

my 10 month old is dying to talk and communicate with the rest of us and yesterday i could see he was trying so hard to get something out to us and finally he just yelled, "BABY"

— amil (@amil) December 12, 2024

My kids go through so much shampoo that now I’m convinced that they drink it. On the bright side they’ll have a very smooth and silky esophagus

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 9, 2024

My son recently told me that he loves walnuts. Can’t get enough of them. So I bought a huge bag & put some in his lunch box. They were still there after school, so I asked why he didn’t eat them. “THOSE are walnuts?!?” he said. “I was thinking of something else. Those are gross.”

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 10, 2024

Let's get married & have kids so instead of just dealing with the crushing responsibilities of adulthood we can also have nightly elf duty.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 11, 2024

7yo: Do you use glue to make slime?

Me: Yeah, there's glue in slime.

*7yo walks off*

Me: *a few minutes later* Wait!

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) December 11, 2024

I gotta admit I’m looking forward to wrapping the gifts I got for myself.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) December 7, 2024

I needed to sneak some packages in, and my daughter—without a word from me—walked up to my husband and said, “So, what’s better: gas or charcoal grilling?” He’s still talking. I’ve never been prouder. She’s ready for marriage.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 11, 2024

Daughter: it’s so frustrating when people don’t listen to you!!!

Me:

Her:

Me: yeah that must be so hard

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) December 11, 2024

Not to brag, but I am amazing at doing elaborate hairstyles in my daughter’s hair that she removes immediately.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 10, 2024

I made some frankly preposterously good looking spaghetti for the kids. Fresh parm, homemade meatballs, fresh chopped basil. Restaurant looking stuff.

My 6 year old: Dad can I say heck?
Me: Sure buddy
My 6 year old: This spaghetti looks good as fuck.

— Dylan Goforth (@DGoforth918) December 12, 2024

Who needs coffee when you can help your third grader with forgotten math homework to jump start your day

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 10, 2024

My son recently told me he already knew how to use the potty when we started potty training and he’d been doing it at school for months behind our backs but we said he would get a Playmobil Zoo when he filled out a whole potty chart so he played along. I kind of…believe him???

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) December 8, 2024

Child: Why are you on the computer if it's your day off?
Me: What else am I going to do?
Child: I dunno. Old people stuff?
Me:
Child: Knit a sweater. Yell at cars. Forget why you walked into a room.
Me: Mom is going to come home to one less kid.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 9, 2024

My 6yo wants the Uggs Tasman for Christmas and it’s been out of stock for months.

Better watch out moms and dads, I’mma go all Arnold from Jingle All The Way on y’all.

You don’t wanna mess with me. I used to wear wallet chains and stuff.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) December 10, 2024

I thought I was having a bad morning & then remembered that some people have to wake up with that Elf on the Shelf.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 12, 2024

My 7yo said she was a vegetarian & asked for a salad but then complained she wanted chicken on it but “NOT TOO MUCH chicken” because she’s a vegetarian but then she ate the chicken too fast so she’d “actually like more chicken” but “only on salads because I’M A VEGETARIAN.”

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 7, 2024