The five stages of Russell Crowe, Hollywood’s most unorthodox sex symbol

Remarkably, it has been over 20 years since Russell Crowe ran his hand through that field of wheat and stabbed dozens of people in Gladiator. (I can’t fully remember the plot.)

Time can play tricks on us. Arguably just as remarkable, however, is that judging by the latest evidence, Russell Ira Crowe himself – commander of a fine screen career, co-owner of the South Sydney Rabbitohs, loyal servant to a good time, father to two very much unmurdered children, ex-husband to a very much unmurdered ex-wife – has managed to age by at least half a century in that time.

On Wednesday, Crowe, being a great bloke, answered a random Twitter request to send a happy birthday message to British round-the-world sailor Pip Hare. He obliged with a video, appearing, fresh from a kayak trip, in front of his Oscar statuette, and looking like Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses playing Toy Story’s Stinky Pete.

But here’s the thing: he still, somehow, looked great. “Russell Crowe looks like he is getting ready to do a film about Sir Richard Attenborough & I’m completely down for that,” one tweeter commented. “Damn!” another said, “Russell Crowe looking pretty old!!! It’s cool though, he still looks bad ass!” And a third: “I love that look! Russell Crowe has had so many different ones through his life and he always pulls it out the bag.”

All beautiful tributes, but it’s the last that hits the nub of it. Over the course of his now almost four decades in the public eye, Crowe has morphed from pretty boy to bad boy to old boy – but never stopped being a sex symbol. So how has he achieved that, what is his secret, where did things change, and how can Crowe get to be enduringly sexy as a bespectacled, beer-swilling late middle-aged man with a resplendent beard but, say, Jim Royle couldn’t?

Let’s chart the course, as the Crowe flies.

Stage One: Russ Le Roq

Almost 40 years ago, when Russell Crowe was a slip of an 18 year-old in Auckland, New Zealand, his first attempt at stardom was as his musical alter ego, Russ Le Roq.

As Le Roq, who sounded like a cross between Buddy Holly and Jonathan Richman but as good as neither, he released a few (non-charting) singles, each of which had a superbly David Brentian title like ‘Never Let You Slide’, ‘So You Made It Now’ and ‘Weight of the Man.’ But his best-known hit, if that’s the correct term, was a song called ‘I Just Wanna Be Like Marlon Brando’. Well, if Le Roq could see Le Russell Crowe now, he’d be happy with the trajectory.

Russ didn’t last long. Once he gave up on music and dedicated himself to acting, Crowe was a slight, naïve-seeming buck who gave his all to roles such as ‘Injured employee/Boss/Other worker’ in training film ‘Manager on the Case.’ Serious versatility, serious hair. No wonder Neighbours came calling.

Stage Two: Leading man

The beginning of the glory years. Having graduated from roles like ‘Shirty, the Slightly Aggressive Bear’ and a Neo-Nazi in controversial drama Romper Stomper, Crowe kicked in the door of Hollywood by playing strong, silent types.

Brooding, stubbly and floppy-haired, he embarked on a decade of gigs as tough co-leads who were either romantic, dodgy policemen, or romantically dodgy policemen. LA Confidential nudged him into the A-List; The Insider got him an Oscar nomination, and then Ridley Scott handed him a sword and put him in a leather skirt for Gladiator.

The other Hollywood sex symbols at the time, you’ll recall, were people like Leonardo DiCaprio, Jude Law, Tom Cruise, Pierce Brosnan, Will Smith, Sean Penn – all of whom very evidently washed. They played clean-cut characters who barely put a hair out of place. And when they avenged the deaths of their wives or murdered someone in a bar on screen, you knew it was acting. Crowe looked as if he’d happily wrestle for 72 hours just to win a bar tab. He was… different.

Stage Three: Bankable star

The post-Gladiator, post-Oscar-winning era, in which Crowe appeared as the lead in everything, from roles he suited (maverick boxer in Cinderella Man, brash Royal Navy captain in Master and Commander, various gangster films), to roles he was heroically implausible as (John Nash, a maths genius in A Beautiful Mind; and a sweet man in the romcom A Good Year).

It was also an era in which Crowe really went for the bad boy image. He swore at the Baftas. He was targeted by Al-Qaeda (truly). He threw a telephone at a hotel concierge, which got him arrested. His aggression was the subject of a South Park episode. And he even reached the zenith of noughties celebrity controversies: getting into a fight in a Mayfair restaurant that had to be broken up by none other than Ross Kemp.

Stage Four: Just wallowing in it

On a slight career dip, by the end of the noughties Crowe – who reportedly lives frugally in Australia, driving a battered old Jeep, and donates huge sums of money to charity – bought a majority share in his favourite rugby league club, the South Sydney Rabbitohs. There he was, pitchside, befriending the players, shouting encouragement, ready to throw on a jersey if ever a man down. They never needed him.

A brief return to unshaven, righteous, forest-based action movies happened with Robin Hood, before Tom Hooper had the wild idea of making him sing as Javert in Les Misérables. Opposite seasoned musical theatre performers like Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway, Russ Le Roq didn’t exactly win resounding plaudits for his vocal ability, but no one could say he didn’t try.

Soon afterwards, he went for bearded, rounding men like Noah and Superman’s dad, Jor-El, with bearded, rounding excellence. He had found a new metier.

Stage Five: Sexy Santa

This is where we’ve ended up, and no one could say they don’t love it. Crowe has acted in recent years, including putting on a huge amount of weight to play disgraced Fox News chairman Roger Ailes in Showtime series The Loudest Voice, and has an upcoming role in The Georgetown Project teased as “A troubled actor begins to unravel while shooting a horror film. His estranged daughter wonders if he’s slipping back into his past addictions or if there’s something more sinister at play…” Which sounds perfect for him.

Mostly, though, he seems to be having a lovely time on his farm, posting Twitter videos of newborn foals, kayaking down creeks, answering fans’ messages, and teaching Ed Sheeran how to drink an entire bottle of tequila without getting a hangover. (The trick, he said, is to pour the bottle over a jug of ice, wait for it to melt, add passionfruit and a bit of water, then pour that over fresh ice; all that water means you’re hydrating at the same time.)

And, as we can so clearly see, he’s been physically morphing into George RR Martin, or at least gearing up for work as a shopping mall Father Christmas, should the roles dry up post-Covid. It’s a look most people couldn’t pull off, but this, remember, is Russell Crowe, the world’s most unorthodox sex symbol. What a journey.