Kinks can be really fun to explore in bed, but they take some time and some work to get right. But when you find a partner who is down for the same kinky experiences you are, it can make for some of the best sex of your life. However, if you or your partner would rather use your words to get off instead of getting decked out in BDSM gear, praise kinks are going to be your best bet. This kink is entirely based on gratifying dirty talk, so you can get very creative. We spoke to some sex experts on what you need to know about praise kink and how to successfully incorporate it into the bedroom.
What Praise Kink Means
As the name suggests, praise kink means that someone gets off on being praised, specifically during power play. For example, your partner might be turned on by you complimenting them in an over-the-top manner, beyond what you might typically do.
"It involves the intentional use of praise and kind words in the context of sex or foreplay - and it's not just what is said, but how it is said and the context," says Angie Rowntree, sex expert and founder and director of the award-winning site Sssh.com. "Praise kink is a kink when it is used as the focus of the interaction between partners, or is part of a power exchange dynamic. In BDSM context, the sub often receives praise from the dominant."
Some people may want their partner to boast about how they're the best at their job, while others might prefer the praise to pertain only to their sexual activities. No matter how someone wants to be praised, the core of it is all the same. But since everyone's different, communication is absolutely key.
Praise Kink: Best Phrases to Use
It may take a lot of communication and some trial and error to figure out what phrases work best for you and your partner. However, Dr. Jess O'Reilly, PhD, ASTROGLIDE's resident sexologist, explained that there aren't any hard or fast rules about what to say to your partner to satisfy their praise kink.
"Some people say that their praise kink is tied to the fact that praise helps them have a euphoric or intense experience," she says. "Some people want to be praised for their behavior. Others want praise related to their skill, character, appearance, role, attitude, or specific context." Some phrases you can try with a partner include:
You're such a good [kitty, doll, student, daddy, baby, teacher, pet, term of endearment, sub, dom, etc.].
You're so good at [insert skill].
I'm so lucky to have you. I know everyone wants a _______ just like you.
You look so hot when you [insert activity].
I can't wait to show you off.
You look so good in that [insert item of clothing/fetish wear].
Your [insert body part] is irresistible.
You taste so good. I can't get enough of you.
You're doing amazing - I'm so proud of you.
Praise Kink Tips
Kinks are something that not everyone is into, which is why discussing it early and properly in a partnership is the safest way to engage in it. If you have a praise kink and a potential partner can't satisfy it, that's something to discuss together to decide if you can move forward sexually without it. Conversely, if your partner needs this to enjoy sex and you can't provide it, don't feel like you need to do something you're not comfortable with, but also discuss if the relationship can continue without it.
When going into this conversation, lead with an open mind and an open heart, rather than any form of negativity. If you're exploring a praise kink with your partner, you should also discuss how you want to do it. For example, discuss what phrases work for each of you and how you want them to be delivered. Praise hits differently for everyone, so talking about it will help you both get to a place where you're both comfortable and engaging in kinky activities fruitfully.
And even though a praise kink is something that's typically saved for sex, you can carry that praise throughout your day in other aspects of your relationship. "It is important to remember that even if you are into kink, you and your partner should share praise and affirmation within regular nonsexual contexts, too," Rowntree says. "After all, everyone loves to feel appreciated in principle, and a little praise to your partner over breakfast can go a long way when it comes to nourishing your overall intimate life."