After Experiencing Infant Loss, Grieving Mom Uses Elf on the Shelf to Help Daughter Remember Late Sibling (Exclusive)

Many parents know that the start of the Christmas season often means the return of the Elf on the Shelf. Social media feeds are full of parents finding silly, innovative ways of displaying their child’s Elf, who is "tasked" with reporting back to Santa about the child’s behavior each night.

Emberly Wadsworth, 29, was looking for a way to honor her late son, Tatum, while giving her daughter, Anna Grace — whom the family calls Gracie — a special holiday memory. Enter: Elf on the Shelf, with a bittersweet twist.

Anna Grace’s brother, Tatum, was born a micro preemie, at just 1 lb., 5 oz.

During Emberly’s pregnancy, Tatum was diagnosed with Severe Intrauterine Growth Restriction. Emberly remembers “praying over [her] belly before he was born, begging for a chance to meet him.” He was delivered early, and then spent his seven months of life on a ventilator after being diagnosed with Bronchopulmonary Dysplasia (BPD).

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At 5 months old, Tatum was also diagnosed with hydrocephalus and a skull that fused too early, but Emberly remembers, “He was so resilient, patient, and strong.”

Doctors advised that surgery for Tatum would be too dangerous, and having "done everything medically possible to give him his best quality of life,” the family came to an “excruciating decision to take Tatum off of his life support” on Sept. 24, 2023, Mom says.

Despite the family’s grief, Emberly says, “It’s important to me to make this holiday season magical for Gracie.”

Emberly tells PEOPLE exclusively that the idea to use an Elf to remember Tatum by this season came to her “randomly” while walking through the aisles at the grocery store. “[I] saw some elves for sale. Instantly, the idea popped into my mind: ‘Gracie is going to get two elves this year: Hers, and Tatum’s.’ ”

She explains, “I always try to find little ways to keep Tatum’s memory alive. Inside my entire soul, I felt this was a special way to actively remember Tatum this holiday season.”

Related: The Best Elf on the Shelf Displays by Celebrity Parents

In a video posted to TikTok that has since amassed more than 130,000 likes and 1.6 million views, Emberly asks and answers the question, “What happens to your sibling’s elf when your brother is in heaven?”

In the TikTok, Anna Grace walks into the kitchen of the family’s home to find that her Elf on the Shelf set up “Santa’s Workshop,” and left a note on the door. Her father, John Wadsworth, reads: “Hey Gracie, I missed you so very much. Today I have a special surprise for you. Some kids have a sibling who’s in heaven” — here John tells Anna Grace, “they’re talking about Tatum!” — “when that happens, there’s an extra Elf who no longer has a kid to visit, so Santa came up with the brilliant plan to send an extra Elf to the house it was originally assigned to. So this year, and all future years, you get two of us!” 

Related: Dwayne Johnson Turns into Miniature ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to Answer Holiday Questions from Jimmy Fallon

“What do you think, Gracie?” Emberly asks.

An excited Anna Grace says, “Beautiful!” (Though in true kid fashion, she is concerned that her new elf has eaten all of her candy.)

Emberly tells PEOPLE of Anna Grace, “She feels so special. Although she was young when she lost her brother, she talks about him and she misses him. She dreams of having a sibling at home.”

Though Tatum was never able to come home from the hospital, Tatum’s elf “is special,” says Emberly. “She can fly to the North Pole and to heaven to send Tatum messages from Gracie. Gracie loves that.” She adds, “[Anna Grace] talks to her elves constantly, almost as if they are her friends. This idea has, in a unique way, made it feel like we get to talk to Tatum every day.”

Emberly is working hard to keep the holiday season special for her daughter, telling PEOPLE, “I miss our Tatum every single day. So does my sweet husband and little Gracie! But, I keep that pain inside me because it’s important to me to make this holiday season magical.” 

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