Can You Even Stop Your Partner From Putting Your Kid In The Public Eye? Divorce Lawyers Have Thoughts
Grimes and Elon Musk’s child X Æ A-Xii appears on the news almost daily now. “Lil X” is frequently seen beside his high-profile father trotted out in interviews, photographed with President Donald Trump or filmed in the Oval Office.
And he isn’t the only child of famous individuals thrust into the public eye, as any of the Kardashian children seem destined to have cameras trailing them. Kim Kardashian and Ye, the artist formerly known as Kanye West, even had a recent coparenting dispute when Ye featured North West in a song with Sean “Diddy” Combs.
And it doesn’t happen just to famous people. Custody and privacy can be complex issues for all parents, especially when one parent is ambivalent to their child’s exposure to the media while the other fights for their privacy.
So what can the average parent do to keep their child’s life off the screens of millions, even if their coparent disagrees? We spokewith divorce attorneys with expertise in custody agreements to find out how you can protect your children from being in the public eye.
Get your plan in writing before and after the baby shower.
Musician Grimes, whose real name is Claire Elise Boucher, shares three children with Musk: son X Æ A-Xii, 4; daughter Exa Dark Sideræl, 3; and son Techno Mechanicus, 2. Grimes has publicly pleadedwith Musk to keep their children out of prominent media exposure, following a slew of appearances their son X Æ A-Xii has been making with his father on news networks worldwide.
In a post shared on X, formerly Twitter, on March 14, Grimes wrote, “The state of my children’s lives being public is of grave concern to me and I think about how to solve this every day. It’s insane to me that there’s no way to deal with this.”
The musician went on to say she’s “begged” Musk to stop allowing their children to be seen in the media. It’s horrifying to think what she must be going through, as we’re seeing in real time a mother battling not only with an alleged narcissist but one with such extreme wealth. It’s unlikely any of us will know the details of agreements between Musk and Grimes, but there are precautions you can put in place to hopefully avoid a similar situation.
Atty K. Bruggemann is an attorney and partner at Gallet Dreyer & Berkey LLP in New York with expertise on matrimonial and family law, and she has a particular focus on high-stakes matrimonial cases, including those involving public figures and high-net-worth individuals. She weighed in on protecting children from the public-eye. Bruggemann recommends getting vocal and documenting: “It is best to voice your disapproval of the situation over and over again, document the disapproval and advocate for the privacy of the child.”
Matheu D. Nunn, co-chair of the family and matrimonial law practice at Einhorn Barbarito in Denville, New Jersey, noted every state likely will have differing laws and rules regarding minors that you’ll need to be mindful of in custody discussions, often referred to as “best interest” standards.
Nunn went on to say he found it “doubtful” that Musk’s conduct amounts to abuse or neglect “but certainly could be inimical to the children’s best interests.” Adding, “Musk is a divisive figure; by extension, the animosity expressed toward Musk could extend to his children — anything from memes and photos that remain forever in the public domain to actual physical threats and violence. ... This just may be one of those circumstances in which the potential harm to Musk’s children outweighs the right of Musk to keep them in the public eye.”
And unfortunately, a prenuptial agreement, or even a postnuptial one, might not be the silver bullet needed to keep a former spouse from exposing your child to the media or sharing them online.
Raiford Dalton Palmer, a family law attorney, partner of STG Divorce Law in Chicago and author of “I Just Want This Done,” chimed in on the reality of prenups.“Prenups and postnups, in general, cannot be used to restrict parenting. This is because the court must approve all aspects of parenting agreements to make sure the terms are in the best interest of the child,” Palmer said. This means, according to Palmer, “Theoretically you could agree to media restrictions in a prenup, but such terms are not likely to be enforceable and will be determined on a case-by-base basis.”
When you can’t agree, the court may decide for you.
When you’re past the point of polite custody negotiations, the court may decide what happens next. Travis Christiansen, attorney at Boyack Christiansen Legal Solution, explained there are steps, even now, someone like Grimes could take.
The parent who wants to maintain more privacy for their child could file a request with their local court to issue a court order. The parent filing may have to show evidence the child is at risk or in danger. Christiansen added, “It also seems common sense that being a controversial person and exposing them to the general public could put them in harm’s way, so a judge may grant the motion without needing evidence.” Christiansen went on to say, “Usually the parent that has legal custody of the child would make these decisions, but language stating the children shouldn’t be seen in the media can be included for both parents to follow. If a party feels it is enough of a concern, they could seek an injunction or protective order preventing the use of the children in the media.”
Bruggemann recalled working on a case where an injunction was placed against the children being posted on social media without the consent of the other parent because of security concerns.“While courts are hesitant to limit this freedom of expression to a parent, if it can be shown that it is not in the best interest of the child for them to be paraded around publicly, or if the publicity is not in the best interests of the child, the courts will act to protect the children.” Bruggeman added, “If there are valid concerns about safety (for example, if the child is at risk of being harassed, stalked or exploited because of their presence on social media), a parent may be able to convince the court that posting on social media and public appearances should be restricted.”
Matthew F. Dolan, attorney and cofounder of Dolan Divorce Lawyers, handles the firm’s family law matters, with a particular focus on high asset divorce cases. He said that if both parents don’t come to a mutual agreement, the court can do it for them.
And what happens if either parent violates the order? Dolan said the other parent can file a motion for contempt with the court. “If the parent who exposed the child to the media is found to have willfully violated the custody agreement or court order, they may be found in contempt by the court,” he said. “The result of a contempt finding can be a financial penalty or reduction in parenting time for the parent who voluntarily exposed the child to the media.”
So a financial penalty or reduced time in visitation could occur, but what about who controls the child’s image once they’re already in the public eye?
It’s probably too late for this advice, but ...
Bruggemann bluntly stated what any lovestruck individual might not be ready to hear but should take to heart:
“If two parties, one or both being public figures, foresee that the child being in the public eye will be an issue, the best course of action is to make sure everyone is on the same page. If your parenting values do not align, perhaps this is not the person with whom you should have children.”
