Eurovision 2021 final, review: Italy’s Maneskin tick the boxes as contest gets back to its best

It will go down in Eurovision history as the UK’s second night of the “nuls points”, with poor James Newman finishing bottom of the leaderboard (this dubious honour also befell the duo Jemini in 2003). But however cruel the evening must have been for the amiable Yorkshireman, as a television spectacle the UK’s humbling at Eurovision 2021 (BBC One) ultimately felt a bit of a side show.

The real excitement at Rotterdam’s Ahoy Arena was at the top where there was a plot twist worthy of Game of Thrones as Italian headbangers Maneskin roared to success on the wings of the popular vote.

“Rock ’n roll will never die,” roared Maneskin’s singer as their track, 'Zitti E Buoni', claimed the gong ahead of Switzerland’s Gjon's Tears and France’s Barbara Pravi, the front-runners coming out of the national jury section.

Whatever about the music – who is to say whether a cheesy metal anthem is better or worse than a man-hugging Coldplay dirge or a Edith Piaf-style ballad ? – this late curveball made for riveting television.

Maneskin also ticked all the Eurovision boxes in that it is impossible to imagine them existing in any other context. With a Suzi Quatro clone on bass and a singer who refused to zip up his top, they were Rage Against the Machine meeting Slade down a dark alley and aggressively smeared in hair-care product.

For British viewers, the other big emotional high point will have been Newman gamely accepting the cheers of the crowd as it was revealed he’d scored a double zero: no points from the juries and none from the public.

Disappointed but dignified, he put on a brave face as an entire Continent watched, which can’t have been easy. And in a world without Covid, it’s tempting to imagine Newman heading off for a conciliatory pint with Germany’s Jendrik, who finished just above with a mere three points (and likewise snubbed by TV voters).

Later, they could have ritualistically destroyed Jendrik’s annoying silver ukulele. And then taken a scissors to the huge sweaty leather jacket into which Newman had been bunged and which made him look more Rag ’n’ Bin Man than Eurovision contender.

The Dutch organisers pulled out the stops during the intermission. The big set piece featured DJ Afrojack yelling at everyone to put their hands in the air as dancers gyrated on a replica of Rotterdam’s Erasmus Bridge. Perhaps it was a metaphor for something. Maybe Afrojack really likes bridges. We may never know.

Graham Norton, on commentary, had a Eurovision of two halves. He was emotional and perky early on – thrilled to be back and genuinely impressed by the huge efforts the Netherlands had gone to in staging the contest (12 months ago the Ahoy Arena was a temporary Covid hospital).

But Norton’s default setting is an irascible acerbity – not at all what was called for as it became clear Newman’s trumpet-splashed song, Embers, was going out without even a fizzle.

He didn’t know what to say – in fact at one point he actually uttered: “I honestly don’t know what to say”. Terry Wogan would have come up with something kind, wise and comforting. That, alas, is not in Norton’s skill-set.

With near four-hour run time, the contest contained multitudes – no matter that those multitudes often resembled facsimiles of your favourite pop stars. There was a European Billie Eilish (Bulgaria), an Ariana Grande dead ringer (Azerbaijan) and a Swedish power ballad that sounded very similar to the Kendrick Lamar/SZA power ballad All The Stars (Sweden). Not to mention Amanda Holden wearing one of Doctor Who’s old coats when announcing the results of the London jury.

But it was so riotous that it was never not fun. Eurovision is long, over-the-top and Cyprus always gives maximum points to Greece. But where else can you unironically cheer A Right Said Fred lookalike in a custard-hued suit (Lithuania’s The Roop)? Or clap along to a banger about turn-of-the-century exotic dancer turned spy Mata Hari, with lyrics such as “under the cover, I am a dangerous lover” (Azerbaijan's Efendi)?

It was cheesy, it was absurd, it was gripping television. In other words, it was Eurovision back to its best – even if poor James Newman was the evening’s sacrificial gooseberry.

Read more: Nul points for Britain – and all the talking points from the Eurovision final