Eight signs you’re actually posh – and not just wealthy

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prince william tom cruise - Dan Kitwood/Getty Images Europe
prince william tom cruise - Dan Kitwood/Getty Images Europe

As you may know, Prince William attended the premiere of the sequel to Top Gun with Tom Cruise, wearing an Alexander McQueen velvet tuxedo and black velvet slippers embroidered with fighter jets.

The purpose of these slippers was twofold: 1) Have some fun on the red carpet, 2) Wear something posh, which is hard to carry off unless you’re the real deal, or Harry Styles. You could argue (and many would) that embroidered slippers are more Flash Harry than Pedigree Wills, but in fact these slippers – made by Crockett & Jones, purveyors of slippers to the Prince of Wales – are one of the rare remaining signifiers of poshness (anyone with several hundred pounds can pull off an Alexander McQueen velvet tuxedo, not so easily an evening slipper).

It’s getting harder every day to distinguish Posh from Dosh, not least because the bona fide Posh are increasingly keen to pass as not that Posh at all (Prince Harry is an excellent example in case you need one), but there are still ways.

Prince William slippers - Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images Europe
Prince William slippers - Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images Europe

The Flashing The Cash Party

Rowan Atkinson threw a party for his partner’s 40th birthday and we all heard about it, especially those living within a four-mile radius. The fireworks and the vibrating bass are said to have resulted in dogs running away and people on the far side of the valley wandering aimlessly in their PJs.

Yes, we get that those throwing summer parties are making up for lost time, but we’re also entering a cost of living crisis, standing on the brink of recession and food shortages, and the new definition of More Dosh Than Posh is being unaware that noisily blowing cash on making yourself feel good is in terrible taste. It’s called Tone Dosh. (The Wagatha Christie case comes under the same category of senseless money burning.)

The Extreme Diet

Only the other day Victoria Beckham announced that being thin is out of fashion, but unfortunately David had previously informed us that she has the same super-low-calorie meal every single day (grilled fish and steamed vegetables). This sort of mind-numbing self-discipline in pursuit of looking OK in exercise wear marks out Posh as More Dosh Than Posh.

Posh people may be thin, not thin, or covered head-to-toe in hair, but they are without exception enthusiastic consumers of booze (or ex enthusiasts), and rarely fussy eaters. We also learnt that Posh drinks vodka and tonic (bet it’s actually vodka and soda which, as you know, is called a Skinny B---h), but once again … not that Posh. Bumper glass of sancerre? That’s more like it.

The Very Revealing Wedding Dress

Very short is in fashion for summer, unless it’s a wedding dress, when the deal is always long for the ceremony, and then you can get your legs out later on. The MDTP, however, live for body revealing and are not about to hide it away on their special day. If you were expecting Kourtney Kardashian to go all Grace Kelly for her three wedding days – just to ring the changes – you were very much mistaken.

One Per Person Bathrooms

This – as we’ve already established – is a key signifier of Dosh v Posh. You have nine bedrooms, you need 16 bathrooms – nearly one per overnighter if you’ve got a full house – and among those setting this “more bathrooms than sense” standard are Harry and Meghan. You can easily go from MPTD to MDTP, by the way, just as you can go from Dosh to Posh, though you won’t necessarily be aware of going down the Posh to Dosh route.

Rejecting a hair transplant

The posher you are the more likely you are to be suspicious of beautifying on a 21st-century scale. Very happy to stock up on unguents from Trumpers, but a gentleman doesn’t go under the knife for the sake of securing his hairline (sorry Rooney), because the desperate hair-seeker is the equivalent of the person who describes themselves as charming and wears cashmere socks.

coleen wayne rooney - Tristan Fewings /Getty Images Europe
coleen wayne rooney - Tristan Fewings /Getty Images Europe

Being allergic to garden (fifth room) scaping

– as in outdoor rugs, rattan corner sofas, lanterns etc. We’ll bet a lot of money that you won’t find a hot lamp at the Chelsea Flower Show. Posh people favour a certain amount of rustic discomfort outdoors, though they like a bench.

Buying your own signet ring

It’s either been in the family for generations or don’t bother. Men not wearing a wedding ring is still old-school Posh (signet-ring wearing HRH Charles wears his wedding ring on his pinky, too).

Wearing special-occasion clothes

Complicated this one because obviously there are clothes you wear for certain sports – eg polo, and black tie means black tie – but in general, posh people prefer their clothes not to look brand new and even if they are they’ll somehow manage to make them look distressed. (Extreme tidiness is, along with perfect white teeth, long painted nails and heavy make-up, slightly frowned on by old Posh though new Posh Kate is changing that.)

What do you think are the signs of the truly posh? Let us know in the comments section

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