Is it ever OK to tell white lies in a relationship? As Eamonn Holmes sparks debate
Honesty is an integral part of building trust and empathy in a relationship and we can often feel a sense of betrayal if our partner lies to us.
In many cases, lying can lead to the end of a relationship, as the partner who was lied to may be unable to accept that the other party was dishonest about their feelings and the things they do or say.
However, Eamonn Holmes has said telling white lies or "embellishing" the truth isn't necessarily a bad thing in relationships or with new potential partners, which divided viewers on GB News.
Suggesting examples of white lies that might be acceptable, the 65-year-old said: "'Does my bum look big in this? No, of course it doesn’t'. So does that make me a bad person then?"
Holmes, who split with his wife of 14 years, Ruth Langsford last May, added that sometimes lies were needed to seem more impressive and "attractive" when dating too.
"Let's face it, we're all quite boring. We are all quite boring. You ask a person to tell you about your life and they expect you to give some sort of revelation that you do things people don't usually do and it's just not the case," he added.
"I embellish, I'm an embellisher," he admitted. "If you're looking to find the most attractive person on that dating app, you're not going to say, 'I sat on the couch, watched TV and ate pizza', are you?"
Yet, these small lies can add up and introduce a pattern of deceit into a relationship. Relationship expert and psychotherapist Matt Davies believes that honesty should always be at the centre of the relationship, even if it sometimes leads to upset.
"[My] initial response is no, it’s not OK," Davies tells Yahoo UK. "I think it’s important to aim for honest communication. There are times when we know telling the truth might be hurtful, but lying is worse."
Despite the desire for honesty in relationships, a survey found that 36% of online daters do tell 'white lies' on dating apps to try and make a good first impression. But this doesn't make it a healthy or acceptable thing to do in relationships and it could be one of the many reasons that people are quitting dating apps and searching for real, authentic in-person connections.
Relationship coach Rebecca Ore states that everyone will have a different belief on this subject, but it's important to be self-aware about why you feel the need to lie.
"I believe checking in on your reason for the lie and considering whether it's going to create disconnection is important," she explains. "There's a difference between telling a little white lie that doesn't have much impact on the connection you're creating with that person, versus being dishonest in a moment where honesty would have created a more open, authentic relationship. It's hard to create an authentic connection when we're hiding parts of ourselves from our partner."
"While humans are imperfect and we all tell small white lies from time-to-time - if someone is in the habit of telling small white lies frequently, it might suggest that there's something deeper going on, perhaps a fear of rejection," Ore continues. "So they feel the need to bend the truth to prevent their partner ever having negative emotion or being mad at them."
Davies suggests instead of repeating the cycle of small lies, try to focus on being upfront and creating a safe environment where issues can be heard with "sensitivity and respect".
"I think we need to acknowledge that there is always a cost to trying to manipulate our partner’s feelings and save our own," he adds. "I would suggest it's better to talk about dilemmas and be upfront about our own hesitations and fears of being honest. That way we can address difficult matters with sensitivity and respect."
Read more about sex and relationships:
Sick Of Dating Apps? 4 Couples Share Their IRL Meet-Cute Stories (Huff Post, 4-min read)
Why single people are using LinkedIn as a dating app (Yahoo Life, 8-min read)
Is the dating app Melody Cupid in Missing You real? (Cosmopolitan, 2-min read)
