Double pay in December and gift-wrapped apples: Christmas traditions we should steal from around the world
Christmas, such a funny hotchpotch of things. The timeline goes that it evolved from the Roman winter solstice celebration of Saturnalia – thanking the gods of agriculture for the crops that year – before morphing, via a series of Chinese Whispers and a vague approximation of Christ’s birthday, into what we now view as the Festive Season. A weird hybrid of Christian and Pagan beliefs, incorporating a whacky collection of curious rituals pilfered from around the world.
We’ve got crackers from Paris (based on French “bon bons”), garish festive jumpers from Canada, and the great Christmas Tree tradition courtesy of Prince Albert by way of Germany and Latvia, where having an evergreen in your house has long been a meaningful thing to do. You’ve got mince pies from the Middle East and the bearded Santa himself — a Frankenstein concoction that’s one part mythical Dutchman (Sinterklass), one part 4th Century Turkish bishop (St Nicholas), and one part Coke advert.
Of course, the big question now is, what did we miss? Are there any other festive traditions from around the world that we didn’t steal that we should have? Such as...
A massive fireworks display
For all the dreaming of white Christmases, it’s important to remember that in some countries that particular dream is more farfetched than in others. Take Argentina and Brazil as an example; Christmas finds them in the grips of summertime, where any talk of chestnuts roasting on open fires will require a portable barbecue, not a lovingly decorated Victorian fireplace. Now obviously, we can’t pilfer an outdoor lunch, that would be insane, but we could help ourselves to the late-night fireworks displays that drive the crowds into a frenzy on Christmas Eve. It’s not like the kids are planning on doing much sleeping anyway.
Double pay in December
Once you’ve forked out on a turkey the size of a Shetland pony, and worked your way through a demanding gift list the size of the Magna Carta, you might find that there’s not much left in the coffers. But rather than settle for the water, gruel and moderate depression promised by January, how about we follow the Philippines’ lead and activate the “Thirteenth Salary” — an actual government law that demands your December pay packet be at least two or three times bigger than usual. Granted, some bankers with big bonuses probably just snorted laughter through their noses, but I’m talking on behalf of us real folk here.
The symbolic eating of apples
With a festive menu made up predominantly of booze and meat – in some cases, meat (sausages) wrapped in more meat (bacon) – it might be worth investing in a tradition that adds a little more fresh fruit to the menu, if only to delay the inevitable onset of gout. This occasionally takes the form of a single satsuma in your Christmas stocking (normally located just below the chocolate bar selection pack), but over in China, it’s become a Christmas Eve tradition to gift wrap apples for your loved ones. The root of this thoughtful act of generosity came about because the Chinese word for Christmas Eve, “Ping’an Ye” sounds a bit like the one for apple (“Píngguǒ”). And that, reader, is how religions begin.
A smelly addition to the nativity scene
Those familiar with the Catalan version of the Nativity scene will know all about “El Caganer” – a curious crouching character found, trousers around ankles, leaving a dirty protest in the corner of the stable. The reasons behind this inclusion have long been debated. Some arguing that “the crapper” is fertilizing the earth as some kind of homage to the Baby Jesus, some that the statue is an early prophesy to the state of Britain’s streets during Christmas week (not really), while other deep thinkers see it as symbolic of humanity – that even in the presence of holiness, people are still people (perhaps even more so). Whatever the truth, it’s a tradition that would, ahem, sit very comfortably alongside decades of stupid seaside humour.
A trip to the local graveyard
In the UK, Christmas is now synonymous with illuminated houses – you even get entire streets done up to the nines with flashing reindeers (not like that) and funny Father Christmases pretending to be stuck on the guttering. When confronted by such wattage, it’s tempting to imagine a family of intellectuals inside playing scrabble, or the snobbier take, that the brightness of the house is inversely proportional to that of the owner. Whichever way, a much more thoughtful act of illumination could be borrowed from Finland, where they spend Christmas Eve wandering around candlelit cemeteries, ensuring that the dead and forgotten have a nice time too. Word has it that this chilly but uplifting stroll is often followed by a relaxing sauna.
Krampus
Now look, no one is casting aspersions on our wonderful children. The way they break all the best baubles and cry because you got them the wrong colour of BMX... It’s cute. We’re just saying that a visit from a horned pagan half-goat half-demon carrying chains and branches for whipping mightn’t necessarily be a bad thing. Yes, in Croatia, cuddly St Nicholas is accompanied on his rounds by Krampus, a demon on the look-out for kids who belong on the naughty list. And we can’t help but wonder how many Croatian kids start howling at the injustice of it all when the Xbox in their stocking isn’t in the very specific pastel shade they asked for. Something to percolate on.
