17 Women Who Left Their Partners Of More Than 10 Years Are Revealing What The "Last Straw" Was
Note: This post contains mention of alcohol abuse, mental abuse, and physical abuse.
Recently, Redditor u/Key_Fox5508 asked the women of the Reddit community to share the final straw moment that made them leave a relationship or marriage of more than 10 years, and the stories are incredibly candid:
1."He got another woman pregnant. I was 35, and she was 25. She worked for me. The marriage was already dead, but that just solidified it."
2."He felt like he was 'missing out' and wanted an open relationship. We had been together for 16 years — since I was 14 and he was 16. I vaguely thought about it and eventually ended the relationship. It's his biggest regret. He didn't realize what he had until he lost it. It's been five years now, and I'm in a happy relationship. He still wishes we could get back together. He says our breaking up ruined his life."
3."I was in my mid-20s and had been in a relationship with the same guy since high school. It's not that I wanted to explore other men or party, but I just didn't know who I was outside of a relationship. It was always just him and me — it was never just me. I wanted to explore my younger years with just me."
4."When alcohol became his priority over everything else in life."
5."After 19 years — 10 of which I was the sole income earner — I was told I hadn't 'earned' marriage. It broke my brain and heart. I left the next day without a word or warning."
6."My ex-husband was abusive, but I was in too deep to see it. One day, it was like something inside me completely switched off, and nothing he did could change it. I went home and built up the courage to finally tell him I was done."
7."I realized that a lot of major problems we had were red flags (and borderline abusive). So, when we had the argument that triggered the breakup, I was so fed up and exhausted. It dawned on me how much crap I chose to forgive just because it was easier than losing him. We started dating very young, so I thought love should be like that. It didn't help that my parents' relationship was shitty, either, so I really had no point of reference. It also came to a point where I imagined myself with a daughter. The thought of her coming up to me and telling me she's having the same red flag experiences with a partner that I was sealed the deal. I couldn't imagine telling her I'd experienced the same things with her dad. Like, what would that teach her? It really put things into perspective for me."
8."I felt more alone with him than I did without."
9."After 23 years of always being thought of last (if at all), I'd had enough. He chose work over my grandmother's funeral because he 'wanted to be seen sacrificing his life for work.' He thought he would get a promotion from it. I left; he did not get promoted. He sacrificed us all for nothing."
10."I was fine with being responsible for managing all aspects of our lives. I was fine with navigating his anxiety and was even fine with always trying to manage and minimize his anger. But when his anger got so big that it blinded him and evolved into disdain and contempt for me, it was too much. It's one thing to completely bend over backward trying to constantly smooth the road for someone and keep them happy, but it's a totally different ball game when you're doing it while they're blaming you for all their problems (real or perceived). It was the contempt that did it, though. It seemed like he hated me at times."
"It took quite a while to realize I wasn't the problem — his overbearing anger was. And as long as he couldn't see that, it would never get better. It was so hard to end things after all that time. I really miss the first majority of our relationship. But the fact is that our relationship wasn't what it used to be, and he wasn't who he used to be anymore. I had to accept the reality for what it was, not what I wanted it to be."
11."I wasn't always happy, but it was tolerable, and I had a fairly good life for 14 years. I knew I could be happier, but I stayed until the kids were all in college. When the fear of staying and being stagnant in my life outweighed the fear of starting over, I left."
12."We were together for 12 years. We met as teenagers, and I left him just before my 30th birthday. I was never a priority — I was a 'bang maid' and a convenient bed warmer. I had to creep around the house while he was on the night shift. Even brushing my hair was too loud, and I was once told off for quietly reading a book. Meanwhile, he would loudly watch TV shows I hated while I was trying to study, and he'd give me hell if I asked him to turn it down or wear headphones. Sex was always for him, about him, and what he wanted. When I was 18, I learned not to think about what I wanted because I was always told no. When I was 29, he got stroppy about that. I honestly thought I was asexual for a long time, but it turns out I just hated having sex with him. He also made so many sexist and anti-LGBTQ+ 'jokes,' knowing that I'm queer. Yeah, no. I'm glad I left."
13."I was literally getting in the way of his other relationships, so of course I left."
14."My ex-husband and I were best friends for 12 years, and I ended it after repeatedly noticing my mental health wasn't doing well. After years of him quitting or getting fired from jobs, I discovered massive credit card debts that he'd been keeping from me. I had even paid off one of my student loans, and he racked it right back up. I was perpetually living in debt. Before filing for divorce, he even drained our savings."
15."I haven't left yet, but the past year has been rocky. Sometimes, it just gets to a point where you feel like you have given the person every ounce of attention and love, and they take advantage of it. You could support someone to their full potential, and they'll just come back and say, 'I never asked you to.' Complacency and disrespect will ruin a bond so fast. Once my switch is flipped on you, it's over. I'll never look at you the same, so be careful."
16."He left me, actually. I played a supporting role in his life for a decade, but when it came time for him to play a supporting role in mine, he couldn't be bothered to show up. His loss."
17.Lastly: "I was teaching women about abuse, and I felt like a fraud. I had been isolated from all my friends and family and lost access to all my financial stuff. I thought I was losing my mind, and I preferred physical abuse over mental and psychological abuse. I woke up one day and just left everything behind. It's really hard starting over, but I'm happier and can finally feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. For anyone in this situation, please know that no matter how scary it is, there is help out there when you are ready."
If you were married to your partner for more than 10 years, what was the final straw that made you finally call it quits? Let us know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your story using this form.
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.
