Weird as everything is at the moment, not all parts of life have stopped functioning completely.
For one thing, sports commentators are still commentating, albeit on races across zebra crossings and bathroom plughole unblockings rather than actual sport. And, for another, everyone being stuck at home means the coronavirus memes are coming thick and fast.
We've already had one absolute standout thread of them in the form of Wash Your Lyrics, and while we've yet to see many others coalesce into proper trends, there's still been some absolutely stellar content around to puncture that bubble of worry we're all in. Top job everyone.
We start, as we must, with the government's latest announcement of the extreme measures it's going to take to try and keep the country fed during this time of panic-buying and pasta-hoarding.
Number 10 has launched an all-out media bombardment to get the message out there.
wow, a moment we’ll remember for the rest of our lives pic.twitter.com/BIrrKUpikl— Ellen C Scott (@EllenCScott) March 23, 2020
If you missed the origins of The Great Wembley Lasagne Saga, catch up here.
The Ministry of Defence supposedly coordinating a Massive Lasagna😆 sampled this recording i found this morning, self isolation done right ? pic.twitter.com/kV9lLKW3Jw— Lotrax (@lotraxsounds) March 21, 2020
(Some bonus content: the man behind the WhatsApp voice note that went mad is 29-year-old Londoner Billy McLean, who works in software sales. He chucked it into a group of 30 of his mates from football on Thursday last week, and it went off its head.
"It was just a one take. I sent it to the football group, my mum and the girl that I’m trying to date," he told the Guardian. "It went around the football group. Then I got people that I know forwarding it to me, not knowing it was me, or forwarding it to me asking if I’d heard it. Ex-girlfriends were coming out of the woodwork asking was it me."
The FA told the Guardian that it's aware of the WhatsApp message, and that it doesn't have any plans to turn Wembley into a giant lasagne pan at the moment.)
Elsewhere, conscientious citizens are taking their duties seriously.
Just saw a very sweet slice of quarantine life. Two young lovers in jogging gear in Springfield Park, clearly pretending to be doing their exercise for the day so they could steal a moment together. Not ashamed to say I had a slight catch in my throat as I called the police.— Séamas It Ever Was (@shockproofbeats) March 25, 2020
And the lockdown enforcement got an appropriately nu-metal soundtrack.
Without any of the usual architecture of the week, things are going a bit sideways.
Though some habits die hard.
Me getting up at 8:59am for the big commute to work to the spare room and the 9am start pic.twitter.com/A53ewhjloA— Ryan (@ryan3levis) March 23, 2020
Ken Barlow is the superhero we all need right now.
Liam Gallagher's done his own singalong hand-washing vids, and grown a gigantic Gimli beard in the process.
Here’s another one you might know. It’s called SOAPERSONIC. If you know the words wash along LG x pic.twitter.com/pG4ZHjH5VL— Liam Gallagher (@liamgallagher) March 21, 2020
If you won't listen to Liam, listen to several very demonstrative Italian mayors.
"I stopped him and said, 'Look, this isn't a movie. You are not Will Smith in I Am Legend. Go home."— 🌈 (@protectheflames) March 22, 2020
This is the updated compilation of Italian Mayors losing it at people violating #Covid19 quarantine. Yes, subtitles are accurate. pic.twitter.com/60V4Csuonb
Peter Serafinowicz's doddery businessman Brian Butterfield has some tech advice too.
As that tweet said, Shakespeare wrote King Lear during a quarantine. We may have already seen our own equivalent.
Day 5 of self isolation pic.twitter.com/01zf3oQbSu— Scottish Patter (@ScottishPatterr) March 22, 2020
The self-isolation madness comes for us all, whatever your species.
When you're on your first day of self-isolation but your third bottle of wine pic.twitter.com/UbZXaHdFPb— Jack (@J4CKMULL) March 16, 2020
We always knew Partick Thistle's David Shrigley-designed mascot was an omen of something.
This is what I imagine Coronavirus looks like pic.twitter.com/unMoFjypEo— lozzy socks (@BaggyTrousers_) March 12, 2020
After the fish in Venice and deer in Japan's cities, London's ecosystem is rebalancing too.
Amazing to see the wildlife returning to London now everybody is staying at home! pic.twitter.com/KXX9dqzAdr— will jennings (@willjennings80) March 21, 2020
This is a journey we can all sympathise with.
Last night Corona led me down a YouTube rabbit hole and I ended up watching a video of an Australian cheese maker making parmesan. He starts his videos by saying "g'day curd nerds" and all the comments are Italians telling him to go fuck himself— Joe (@josephcorcoran) March 16, 2020
Like aural butter.
Just thinking about how Michael D. Higgins says Coronavirus. pic.twitter.com/32NM7XTjSU— do you want me to call christina aguilera??? (@cmerechicken) March 17, 2020
Because it's not drinking alone if you're not drinking alone.
Harsh, but fair.
Not a great sign when a pandemic actually improves your show pic.twitter.com/U06kCclaqg— James Felton (@JimMFelton) March 17, 2020
You already know how much we love Bob Mortimer's train guy.
Train Guy... Phil Collins Tickets pic.twitter.com/CeMLzVJptl— bob mortimer (@RealBobMortimer) March 17, 2020
Next, angling the mirror in the bathroom.
Still not as bad as 'Imagine'.
BUT CAN YOU SUB WALNUTS IN FOR PINE NUTS!?
we are entering an era of unprecedented recipe substitutions— Shay Spence (@chezspence) March 19, 2020
"Don't come the fuck in, fuck the fuck off"
Me returning to the family home after months away to begin a coronavirus lockdown pic.twitter.com/fpAMUXfQLh— Charlie Peters (@CDP1882) March 18, 2020
Courtesy of the Compuglobalhypermeganet Simpsons Facebook fan page:
QUARANTINE DIARY— Sir Michael (@Michael1979) March 12, 2020
Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic
Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a Twix
Jonesing for a bowl of ram-don about now.
self quarantine at my bosses house so far so good pic.twitter.com/CeEceDrXsg— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) March 15, 2020
While singing 'Happy Birthday', of course.
remember to wash your hands xox pic.twitter.com/YB7GH6zPtW— Chris (Simpsons artist) (@getbentsaggy) March 4, 2020
Even an Off-White face mask?
And, courtesy of the Do You Not Know Who Eric Hitchmough Is? Facebook group:
As David Brent once said: "It's been a washout, hasn't it."
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