Cher's 5-minute plank: how gym moves became a competitive sport
Her recycled catsuits and voluminous wigs may not be to everyone’s taste, but the ability to pull off a five-minute plank at the age of 71? Now there’s something we can all admire Cher for. The singer boasted of her ability to do the exercise - which involves using core strength to keep your body aloft while your toes and forearms are on the ground - at the Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas this week.
For anyone to whom the word plank evokes a piece of wood, know this: while the move is a staple in the regular exerciser’s diet, holding one for five minutes is no mean feat. According to Men’s Health, getting into position for two minutes is best: if you can’t, that means you’re “a) too fat; b) too weak; or c) doing something wrong in your workouts.”
But accepting her Icon award at the ceremony on Sunday night, Cher announced, somewhat irrelevantly: “I’m 71 yesterday, so... yes, and I can do a five-minute plank, okay? Just saying.”
Except that she wasn’t “just saying”, she was humble-bragging in a way that has become the norm for celebrities (and their acolytes) who feel compelled to inform us of their fitness prowess. A call to arms for serious exercisers everywhere, her bold claim was the latest salvo in the strange battle to turn gym moves and workouts into a competitive sport. Be it yoga poses in public, legs akimbo, or trying to out-squat the person on the neighbouring mat, getting your sweat on bigger and better than those around you has become crucial to undertaking physical activity. Here are some other workout moves that have been turned into competitive challenges.
Lord of the Dance
No, not Michael Flatley - or that hymn you were made to sing at school. This is a fairly advanced yoga pose, or Natarajasana, as well-versed yogis call it, which involves standing on one leg while holding your other aloft in your hand, sort of like a graceful, one-legged Superman. If you do a downward dog or sun salutation without posting a heavily edited image of it on photo-sharing site Instagram, did it even happen? Of course not, as celebrities including Pixie Lott, Hilaria Baldwin and Bethenny Frankel can attest. Get thee to the top of a mountain, contort your limbs and have someone snap it and share it with the world, pronto.
Kettle bell
The weights section of the local leisure centre used to be commandeered by grunting chaps in vest tops. But the lifting world has seen a little more equilibrium of late, with a raft of sprightly women ‘going heavy’. They aim not to develop the triangle shape favoured by so many male gym buffs, but rather to improve their overall conditioning - plus, weights are now said to burn more calories than cardio. A-listers propping up the boom include Penelope Cruz, Jessica Biel and Jennifer Aniston; actress Vanessa Hudgens, too, is a fan, and can deadlift some 180lbs - not bad, considering she measures a modest 5ft 1in.
Headstands
Sadie Frost has said doing it every morning helped her hold back the years. No, not that; we’re talking about flinging your legs up in the air and hoping for the best, an activity otherwise known as a headstand. The move has become ubiquitous in the competitive exerciser’s regime and is perfect for proving your poise to anyone who’ll watch. Beginners may opt to prop themselves up on a nearby wall when executing one, but a pro-headstander needs no support, as Naomi Campbell and Miley Cyrus can confirm. For extra show-off points, follow the example of many headstand devotees and adopt the pose in barely-there Lycra to exhibit those rock hard abs. For anyone who boasts of their ability to perform a task “while standing on my head”, now’s your chance to prove it.
L-Seat
If you thought this was a sofa, think again. In the fitness arena, this act of balancing your body weight on your hands is the ultimate marker of success, and is significantly less comfortable than anything you might find in DFS. That’s what L-Seaters say, anyway, usually while maintaining direct eye contact in intense and unsettling fashion. The ab ‘n’ arm crunching move can be done either on the floor or on parallel bars, depending on the level of gloating you want to indulge in that day.
Burpees
Being a pro in the workout world isn’t just about mastering the moves but the lingo, too. For those already enduring the burn brought on by burpees - a jumping squat-thrust combo - upping the ante with terms such as EMOM (that’s Every Minute on the Minute) and AMRAP (As Many Reps as Possible) are par for the red-faced course. It is only when quantifying exactly how many times you’re reaching each thigh-straining position that you can truly know how much better you are than those around you.
