The Celebrity Circle, episode 1 review: as if trashy TV had eaten itself, regurgitated, then eaten itself again
Did Channel 4 producers know something the rest of the world didn’t? Because 18 months before the pandemic, they devised the perfect format for lockdown.
Reality show The Circle plonks its contestants in separate dwellings. They never go outside or meet their peers, communicating only via online platforms. Throw in some home-made banana bread plus the odd Joe Wicks workout and it would basically be a gritty documentary about how we’ve all been living for the past year.
The Celebrity Circle (Channel 4) was a week-long VIP edition in aid of Stand Up To Cancer. Competing to be rated the most popular player were 12 famous faces. Although Trading Standards authorities might want to investigate the show’s use of the word “famous” there.
When your celebrities are best-known for appearing on rival reality franchises, rather than being talented in some other field, it’s hardly a promising sign. Among the desperate dozen were four Strictly Come Dancing alumni, while another four had participated in Celebrity Big Brother. There were five from Dancing On Ice and five from Celebrity MasterChef.
Such generic rent-a-faces gave The Celebrity Circle an inescapable whiff of used goods. This was the televisual version of charity shop clothes which smell faintly of death. Which is a shame because the game itself was smart, snappily paced and ideally suited to the strange times we’re living through
Just three celebrities were confident – or conceited – enough to play as themselves: actress-slash-presenter Denise Van Outen, Blue singer Duncan James and vlogger Saffron Barker. The rest were “catfishing”, pretending to be someone else and hoping to convince competitors they were the real deal.
Loose Women’s Kaye Adams and Nadia Sawalha teamed up to play as Gemma Collins. Ru Paul's Drag Race finalist Baga Chipz, self-styled “queen of the battered sausage”, was playing as Kim Woodburn. Rapper Lady Leshurr was playing as fellow MC Big Narstie. “Men usually win everything in life, so I thought I’d pose as one,” she shrugged.
Reality TV types Sam Thompson and Pete Wicks joined forces to play as Countdown’s Rachel Riley. Finally, Radio 1 DJing duo Rickie Haywood-Williams and Melvin Odoom were playing as Will.i.am.
There was something depressingly parochial about it all. If the height of one’s showbiz ambition is posing as TOWIE diva “The GC” or that lady who cleaned toilets on How Clean Is Your House?, it’s a tragic state of affairs.
This curtain-raiser saw them settling into their hi-tech Salford apartments, decorated in colourfully Instagrammable style, and commencing some serious “flanter”. That’s flirty banter to you and I. “There might be snow on the roof but there’s a burning fire down below,” purred Baga, getting into character.
We were soon watching someone who wasn’t Big Narstie sliding into the DMs of someone who wasn’t Gemma Collins. “Is this flantering?” asked Kaye Adams. “I didn’t feel a thing.”
Speculation about who was real and who wasn’t provided half the fun. “Imagine if I’m talking to Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson but it turns out to be Mary Berry,” trilled Barker. The amusingly sardonic Adams was more suspicious: “It’s probably not Big Narstie, it’s Edwina Currie.” We can only dream.
Their first challenge was identifying one another from tabloid headlines. Who had once soiled themselves live on television? Sam Thompson confessed he’d “had a few close calls” but it turned out to be Duncan James while presenting the National Lottery draw.
Admitting this was her first time living alone, sweetly guileless 20-year-old Barker soon became the mascot of the group. When they rated each other, she came out on top. “Big Narstie” was second-placed, prompting Lady Leshurr to pop open a bottle of prosecco and moonwalk across her kitchen. The cliffhanger catch? She and Barker must publicly decide who’s up for eviction, aka “blocking”, tomorrow.
Several of the celebrities already knew each other. Barker and “Riley” bonded over their Strictly experiences. This series was filmed last autumn, just in case you’re wondering how Van Outen and Lady Leshurr could be in two places at once, given they were in the current series of ITV's injury bonanza Dancing On Ice.
If only they could have found some fresher faces to take part. Even likeable host Emma Willis felt like second-hand goods, since she also helms Big Brother and The Voice. It was as if trashy TV had eaten itself, regurgitated, then eaten itself again.
This was a potentially entertaining piece of fluff, spoiled by its unimaginative cast of D-listers doing it for the mortgage money. Three of these so-called celebrities don’t even have their own Wikipedia page. Still, onwards and upwards. This series will immediately be followed by a new “civilian” one. At least we’re supposed to not recognise them.
