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Do cars really steer us to our partners?

Road to romance: a recent survey suggests women will choose frugality over flashy - Bloomberg
Road to romance: a recent survey suggests women will choose frugality over flashy - Bloomberg

A couple of weeks ago, I was told a mind-blowing story by a pal who works at Rolls Royce. One of their customers recently came in with a very specific request: he wanted the colour of his new £300,000 car to exactly match the colour of his Red Setter.

I’ve been chuckling about this ever since. Doesn’t that just perfectly illustrate the difference between the super-rich and the rest of us who struggle to remember what day to put the bins out?

It’s relevant this week because an amusing study has just come out of Michigan. One of those studies which rather make you think “I wish I’d paid more attention to all that stuff about photosynthesis at school, because being a scientist sounds like a right laugh.”

The gist of the study is this: if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you should ditch your flashy car and buy something more sedate and reliable. Dr Daniel Kruger, the co-author of this ground-breaking work, quizzed 233 volunteers on two case studies - Flashy Dave and Frugal Dan - asking the volunteers to decide, based on their car choices, who would make a better long-term partner. Frugal Dan bought a new car which was under warranty for a few years, whereas Flashy Dave bought a used car, spent money on new paint and souped it up with bigger wheels and a pricey sound system.

Guess what? Frugal Dan came out on top as the preferable long-term partner, although I have to say if I met either him or Flashy Dave at a dinner party I might turn them both down on the basis of their ludicrous names. Brilliant work though, eh? Bravo, Dr Kruger, the Nobel committee will be in touch shortly. Although you could have saved yourself the hassle of doing all that work if you’d talked to me first. Obviously the more sensible chap’s the better choice, otherwise you could end up dating someone who demands that his car is the same colour as his dog.

I have a further question for Dr Kruger, however, which relates to a chat I had with another car industry mate recently. In the not-too-distant-future, my friend reckons 20- and 30-somethings will view the fact that we used to stand on a forecourt and fill our vehicles with refined oil, which we then merrily combusted and churned as fumes back into the environment, as approximately as reckless as lighting a cigarette and smoking that.

Indeed, according to reports leaked earlier this month, the government is pushing on with its Road to Zero strategy, stipulating not only that the sale of all diesel and petrol cars will be banned by 2040, but that most plug-in hybrids will be banned too, unless they have a range of at least 50 miles.

So, help us out, Dr Kruger. When frugal cars and flashy cars are much more streamlined and we’re all cruising round in battery-powered vehicles that make less noise than a flea, how on earth are we women supposed to pick our long-term partners then?

Host with the most?

Jeremy Clarkson - Credit: ITV
Credit: ITV

Talking of cars, that shy wallflower Jeremy Clarkson is the new host of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? So, naturally, when a tricky driving question came up last week, the contestant used the new ‘Ask The Host’ lifeline.

How many sides does a stop sign have? Jeremy struggled for several minutes, mumbling that stopping was ‘for other people.’ Arf, arf, a classic Dad joke. Much of Twitter fell about laughing – ha, Clarkson doesn’t know his road signs! But come on, how many of you really knew the answer to that? I certainly didn’t. And anyway, who cares about the number of sides on the sign. Surely the more important question is whether it’s Frugal Dan or Flashy Dave behind the wheel?

Adele’s sinking low

Adele birthday
Adele birthday

I was 12 when Titanic was released and wept for several days after seeing it. At boarding school, my dormitory and I went to sleep every night crying to the Celine Dion soundtrack, until our Portuguese matron cruelly confiscated the CD player and told us to stop being so hysterical. For girls of a certain age, the tragic love story aroused charged emotions.

As it did for Adele, who was younger than me (nine) when it was released but clearly so affected that she threw a Titanic themed 30th party last weekend. Adele was dolled up as Rose, Kate Winslet’s ringlet-haired character, and later Instagrammed a photo of herself and guests dancing in lifejackets. It’s caused an outcry as ‘distasteful’. Hmmm. I get it, Adele. I really do. I’m still sad there wasn’t space for Jack on that bit of floating wood. But I think flaunting a disaster in which 1,500 people died as a party theme was a fraction brash. Either do it in private or don’t do it at all. Or stick up a photo of some hula hoops on a paper plate. There’d be much less carping about that.