Cara Delevingne felt "suicidal" when coming to terms with her sexuality

Jessica Davis
·2-min read
Photo credit: David Livingston - Getty Images
Photo credit: David Livingston - Getty Images

From Harper's BAZAAR

Cara Delevingne says she felt "suicidal" when coming to terms with her sexuality.

The model-turned-actress, who identifies as pansexual, revealed that she suffered from "massive depression" and still sometimes wishes she "could just be straight".

Speaking with Gwyneth Paltrow on her Goop wellness podcast, Delevingne explained how she linked her depression and "the suicidal moments of my life" to her sexuality struggles as she felt "so ashamed".

"I didn’t know anyone who was gay," she said. "I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up… I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact that I was homophobic. The idea of same-sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, 'Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh.'"

She continued: "There is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.' There is still that side to it. It is really complicated. But actually, that was the part of me that I [now] love so much and accept."

Photo credit: ANGELA WEISS - Getty Images
Photo credit: ANGELA WEISS - Getty Images

Delevingne identifies as pansexual, meaning she’s not limited in her attraction by gender identity or biological sex.

Last year, she announced that she'd explore sexuality in a TV series that focuses on gender, sex and intimacy issues. She will open up about her own struggles with sexual identity on the show - which has the working title Planet Sex - as she “struggled for years to understand” it.

She reflected: "I can only imagine what having a series like this would have meant to the 14-year-old me who struggled to understand feelings that were seen as non-conventional or different."

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