The 36 Questions That Will Make Anyone Fall In Love With You


Falling in love is a totally random event that can happen to anyone at anytime – or so a lifetime of Disney movies would have us believe.

But what if you could actually choose the person you fall in love with and in turn make them fall in love with you just by answering a series of questions?

Okay, so it’s not quite that simple but over 20 years ago a psychologist did indeed create a list of questions that he claims can make two people fall in love.

Arthur Aron wrote 36 increasingly intimate questions, took two strangers and gave them 90 minutes to take turns asking and answering each other before finally staring into each other’s eyes for four minutes.

Six months later, two of the participants in the study got married.

The theory behind the study is that making ourselves vulnerable by revealing intimate, personal details creates closeness and a bond between people.

Getting to know someone else in the early stages of a relationship can be the most fun part, finding out who their dream dinner guest would be, what they would save in a fire, which superhero power they would choose given the chance.

These questions cram months of intimate sharing and stories into 90 minutes, theoretically giving the participants a deep insight into the person sitting opposite them.

It’s almost reminiscent of a holiday fling or a summer love – that feeling of having to fit an entire relationship into the limited time you have, meaning there’s no time for playing games, everything is on the table.

If the thought of telling another person the last time you cried doesn’t phase you, then perhaps the four minutes of unbroken staring into their eyes will make you crack.

A New York Times journalist who tried out Aron’s questions described it as “one of the more thrilling and terrifying experiences of my life”.

“I know the eyes are the windows to the soul or whatever, but the real crux of the moment was not just that I was really seeing someone, but that I was seeing someone really seeing me.”

Of course, in real life the chance that a random stranger will sit down with you and tell you the most intimate details of your life in your local coffee shop is slim to none.

We should take as a given that if you do try out this technique with the aim of falling in love, the chances are that you and your partner are at least open to the idea of becoming soul mates i.e. you already fancy each other quite a bit.

So perhaps we haven’t found the perfect chat up line for next time you’re out looking for Mr or Mrs Right but if you’re stuck in a romantic no man’s land with your crush, why not ask them if they’re up for a game.

You might just fall in love.

Here are the 36 questions that could help you find your perfect match:

Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Do you buy it? How did you fall in love with your partner? Let us know on Twitter.

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Could answering 36 questions amke you fall in love? [Rex]
The questions let you cram years of getting to know each other into just 90 minutes. [Rex]