Avicii's diaries reveal mental health struggles before 2018 suicide
Avicii's diaries have revealed his struggles before his 2018 suicide.
The DJ, real name Tim Bergling, was just 28 when he took his own life during a holiday in Oman three years ago but he suffered with alcohol and drug addiction following his ascent to fame.
Now, his diaries have been reproduced in Måns Mosesson's upcoming book, 'Tim – The Official Biography of Avicii' and they give an insight into his health issues, including being rushed to hospital in January 2012 after developing pancreatitis - caused by excessive drinking and acne medication.
Avicii was warned that another drink would kill him and he turned to his diaries to share his feelings, including his relief at ending up in hospital.
He wrote: "I had a hard time accepting never drinking again though strongly suggested from all doctors to wait at least a year before even having a beer...
"Of course, I didn't listen to the majority of the doctors, I listened to the couple who said it was ok if I was careful. I was ignorant and naive and touring the world, still on the never-ending tour – because once you've circled it once, guess what?...
"You start right back over again. Those days in hospital were the most anxiety and stress-free days I can remember the past 6 years, those were my true vacations, as depressing as it might sound...
"The relief of going from extreme pain to none, knowing that no one is expecting anything other than for you to wait it out (which is the only way of treating pancreatitis) and then recover was huge. It was an extreme relief considering the insane schedule I had kept up until that point."
He shared his experiences at rehab in 2015 and implored his future self to deal with his pain, writing: "It needed to be explained to me very logically and caveman-esque for me to truly understand its nature and how it was harming me. Ouch, pain. Why me pain now? Uncomfortable feeling...
"Future Tim deal with pain. Future Tim deal with pain better than present Tim because already there's too many present pains more urgent to deal with."
Avicii also took up meditation to combat his demons and quickly became obsessed with it.
He wrote: "It feels like I am in a new default mode of being which is very new and a little bit scary. It felt like the fears the last couple of days caused havoc in me, but I remember the tip to focus on my breathing."
