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'It brought me back to life after loss' – Xenia Taliotis offers a guide for those in need of more than pampering

Ragdale Hall in Melton Mowbray offer channels their energy to the places that need healing, be that the heart or the mind or the soul, and which helps restore balance.
Ragdale Hall in Melton Mowbray offer channels their energy to the places that need healing, be that the heart or the mind or the soul, and which helps restore balance.

Running out of a spa in tears is not the standard response, granted, but I’m willing to bet that I’m not the only person to have found a pampering session overwhelming. Several months after my partner died, and with a soon-to-expire beauty voucher bought by friends for a birthday I couldn’t bring myself to celebrate, I booked into a hotel spa that promised rejuvenation, revitalisation and restoration. I would leave, said its menu, with silken skin, polished nails and the glowing visage of youth. In fact, I would leave with tears washing away the just-applied cleanser and the towelling hairband still on my head.

What I learnt that day was that a facial or massage, no matter how luxurious, is sometimes not what the body needs or can tolerate. Trauma and stress of any sort – illness, bereavement, separation, redundancy – can tighten the body, causing it to close in on itself so that even the gentlest massage can seem intrusive, or make you feel as if you’ll snap in two. My treatment might have temporarily papered over the visible cracks of grief – the puffy eyes, dark circles and wrung-dry brow – but it couldn’t patch up my broken heart or inch me closer to some kind of peace or acceptance.

Besides, with my mind being where it was, beautification was a mockery: the very act of lying there while the therapist burbled on about my “concerns” – which, sadly, were not skin-deep – and my plans for the weekend – which, more sadly still, involved only me and too much wine – was my plummeting-over-the-edge point. I excused myself, changed quickly and bolted.

It took another year and hair that a troll would have envied before I managed to walk into another salon for a cut and blow-dry. That’s how long it took for me to find the emotional strength to withstand someone touching me, and to pretend I gave a damn about how I looked.

Grayshott Health Spa, Surrey
Grayshott's spa is The spa is situated in 47 acres of grounds, and surrounded by 700 acres of National Trust land

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Six months later, on a weekend away with other women from my support group, WAY (Widowed and Young, widowedandyoung.org.uk), I realised that there were spa treatments that could help me and others crushed by life. These were more likely to come from the therapist’s “alternative” tool bag; in other words, they were the kinds of treatments I’d previously mocked – reiki, anyone? No? How about holding some crystals? – but there you go: it’s true that you don’t know until you try.

Since then, and since being diagnosed with cancer, I’ve picked my spas carefully. I’ve no evidence of disease and can have pretty much any treatment, but still favour more integrated therapies for the mind, the body and the poor old soul, and keep an open mind about the ones I consider too kooky. As with all else,

I pick, I mix and sometimes I leave well alone.

Thankfully, the options are increasing day by day, as is the number of spas offering them. Good spas now have varied programmes that include lots of therapies geared towards healing, and which borrow from Chinese, Ayurvedic and Western traditions: mindfulness, hypnotherapy, life-coaching, counselling, meditation, reiki and specialist treatments for those with cancer almost come as standard, as do menus created to maximise gut health and meditative movement classes such as yoga and tai chi.

Grayshott Health Spa, Surrey
At Grayshott Health Spa in Surrey, the first base for treating a person is their diet

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Of course indulgence is still the bedrock of their business, but now, as well as helping people to look and feel good, they are addressing a person’s emotional well-being in all sorts of wonderful ways. At Donnington Valley, in Newbury, Berkshire (single room, one-night stay including, dinner, B&B, one 25-minute treatment, and access to spa and exercise classes from £182 per person; donningtonvalley.co.uk), for instance, those affected by seasonal affective disorder (SAD) can soak in a whirlpool tub filled with minerals, while a low-level UV canopy treats their SAD and sadness with a vitamin D boost. It’s a perfect pamper-meets-health treatment.

Over at Grayshott Health Spa in Surrey (single room, Sunday night special, full-board, including access to spa and exercise classes, from £189.50; grayshottspa.com) clinical nutritionist Stephanie Moore says that her first base for treating a person is their diet: “We know there is an absolute correlation between gut health and brain health and we also know that when people are going through a crisis, their self-care – and in particular their nutrition – deteriorates. We’ve seen guests who had nothing but ready meals or cereals for weeks, so our primary concern is to feed them well, with fermented foods rich in probiotics, healing proteins and good fats. Our aim is to ease the digestive tract, to give it some time off from irritants such as dairy and grains so that it can heal. Then we add in the treatments that are most appropriate, anything from hypnotherapy, a cradling dry flotation session or a guided walk through our beautiful countryside.”

Given its reputation for taking a serious, science-backed approach to health, it’s perhaps surprising that Grayshott has also fully embraced more alternative treatments, including emotional freedom technique (basically tapping on energy meridians beneath the skin to release blockages) and neuro-linguistic programming (which aims to re-programme the way we think, communicate and behave to bring us to our happier and, crucially, more successful selves). “We draw on traditional, complementary and alternative wellness practices and bring in the best practitioners to offer clients as many options as possible,” says Moore. “Beyond the fundamentals – sleeping well, eating well, exercising – each person’s toolkit for staying well is highly individual – what works for me may not work for you – but we try not to rule anything out.

“In some cases we can’t explain why or how a certain treatment is beneficial, but as long as it is then we like to have it on our programme.”

Armathwaite Hall, Cumbria
t’s what’s going on outside as much as in that aids wellness, and Armathwaite Hall is set in 400 acres of woodland

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Ragdale Hall, in Melton Mowbray, Leicestershire (single room, two-night stay including all meals, one treatment and access to spa and exercise classes, from £420; ragdalehall.co.uk), has taken a similar approach, as therapist Jenifer Taylor explains: “We’re seeing so many people with anxiety, people who are stressed, depressed, lonely, and who are struggling to cope and we are constantly looking for new ways to treat these conditions.

“All our treatments are helpful and of course a massage or a facial can be just what the doctor ordered, but some of our clients come seeking a different path to wellness. They want something that channels their energy to the places that need healing, be that the heart or the mind or the soul, and which helps restore balance. They look for treatments that draw them inwards to a place where acceptance and healing can begin. For them, reiki, reflexology, hypnotherapy and even angel card readings may be appropriate. These are also treatments that involve the therapist on quite a deep level, so it’s important for the client to trust their practitioner and to work with them.”

Angels are not for me, but what does help me find my peace is being in nature, particularly if I am near water. At Armathwaite Hall, Keswick (single room, full board with access to the spa and exercise classes, from £217 per night; armathwaite-hall.com) therapists will run a series of health tests for cholesterol, glucose, body composition and fitness levels before creating a bespoke exercise plan for you, and a wellness consultant will identify any issues you may have with nutrition, sleep and mental health, before advising how to put them right.

However, it’s what’s going on outside as much as in that aids wellness. Armathwaite is set in 400 acres of woodland and bordered by Bassenthwaite Lake, with the Skiddaw mountain and the Lake District Fells as a backdrop, and there is no better medicine for the soul than either taking in those views from the hot tub or infinity pool, or from the fells themselves. There are all sorts of walks you can do but even a gentle stroll in the woods will help.

Weavers House Spa, Swan Hotel, Lavenham - Credit: nicksmithphotography.com/nicksmithphotography.com
People come to Lavenham to address their concerns and to explore different ways of coping Credit: nicksmithphotography.com/nicksmithphotography.com

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Alex Hurt, spa director at Weavers’ House Spa, Swan Hotel, Lavenham (single room, dinner, B&B, from £155; theswanatlavenham.co.uk) provides great insights on her industry and the role it has to play in helping people recover from illness and trauma.

“So many people now come on their own, to spend time with themselves, to address their concerns and to explore different ways of coping with whatever life throws at them,” says Hurt. “The treatments we offer reflect that – many go beyond cocooning people in towels, and patting them on the back with a ‘there, there’ – to a place that encourages self-awareness and a recognition that wellness can be quite challenging. It’s something that needs to be worked on. We’re here to help.”

Health does need constant maintenance. You can’t just park it while you run yourself ragged looking after others and working. I’m now caring for my elderly and frail mother and was once again heading towards emotional and physical depletion. But I stopped, I processed, and I acted differently. In other words, I spa-ed!

I’ve now got treatments to look forward to for the next few months and yes, I’ve also got a couple of days booked at a spa, just to devote to getting back on the self-care wagon. It’s easy to slip, but I can’t afford to.

Weavers’ House Spa, Swan Hotel, Lavenham
The spa at The Swan at Lavenham in has sparkling and ultra-soothing facilities

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Lizzie Falconer (beautiful-thinking.com) is a holistic practitioner specialising in hypnotherapy and spiritual guidance. As well as running her own wellness retreats, she advises spas on their wellness programmes.

“The first thing I would say to people who are going to a spa to heal or address certain issues is to try and go alone. Spas are used to solo guests and there is nothing intimidating about being there on our own. If the purpose of your visit is you, your well-being, your time to self-care, then leave your spouse or best friend at home. “Secondly, think about what you need from your treatments and email the spa in advance, if necessary.

You may be recently bereaved, or working through problems that you don’t feel able to discuss face-to-face, but that you want your therapists to be aware of. Send an email to let the team know your situation. It may also help the spa director allocate therapists who are more able to help.“Thirdly, do your research and, if you have queries about what’s involved, phone the spa in advance to discuss them.”

Poetry in water

Like all industries, spas are constantly looking out for treatments that keep clients coming back for more, and I truly believe the Akasha Spa, in London’s Café Royal Hotel (hotelcaferoyal.com), has found it. Steve Karle, director of the British School of Aquatic Bodywork, works with clients in a special watsu pool, heated to 35C (95F), cradling them in his arms and manipulating their limbs, moving their bodies through the pool in what is described as shiatsu in water, but which he terms “poetry in water”. It is quite the most therapeutic experience. As I float and spin, I feel like a lithe and lovely ballet dancer instead of a 50-something freelance writer. My shoulders and spine decompress, my chest opens and I feel stress leave my body.

“Water is a healing element,” says Karle, “and its use in conventional and complementary medicine is long established. But it is also a great conduit for our emotions, and a mirror of them. We can be still waters that run deep, or we can feel waves of emotion, or we seek to wash away our pain. “Aquatic bodywork works on the whole person. It’s an emotional and spiritual and physical experience. The body moves differently in water and traumas that have been held deep within can be released.” (Aquatic therapy or Poetry in Water treatments, £150 for 60 minutes.)

Also aiming to release tension is Akasha Spa’s recently launched bone setting therapy, with tai chi masters Andy and Duran Mack (£150 for 20 minutes).