How to help your teenager cope with A level results day anxiety
A levels results day has arrived, and teenagers all across the UK will be nervously biting their teeth as they wait to see if they have achieved the grades they need to get a place in university or college.
This year, experts are predicting that those leaving school will find it easier to get into their chosen university compared to their predecessors as universities seek to take on more UK students.
Nevertheless, this period of time can be full of anxiety for both parents and teenagers. It’s important for parents to be mindful of how they react to their child’s feelings, even before the results are at hand.
Jessen James, a trained mental health and human behaviour expert, tells Yahoo UK: "Exam results day can be a nerve-wracking experience, not just for students but also for parents. The pressure to meet expectations, both from themselves and others, can create overwhelming anxiety.
"Now, while adults understand that an envelope’s contents does not define your future, for teens, it can feel like everything hangs on this single moment."
To help parents prepare their teenagers for what’s to come, James shared his top tips:
What to do before results arrive:
Don’t disrupt your child’s routine
"So, here’s something very, very important, don’t suddenly change your child’s routine just because results day is approaching," James advises.
"For example, trying to protect them by keeping them off their phones or social media can actually do more harm than good. This will likely be one of the key ways they stay in contact with their friends, so suddenly taking that away from them during a stressful time - because let’s face it, the whole family’s emotions will be running high - can be counterproductive, making them feel more alone and isolated."
While social media usage can be a concern, James says that allowing your teenager to maintain their usual habits is crucial to help them keep a sense of things being normal. This provides stability, which can reduce anxiety.
"Any sudden strictness might upset their routine and make them feel even more stressed. It will also be easier for you to spot any changes in behaviour if you stick to the same routine."
Encourage open conversations
Providing opportunities for your child to talk about their feelings and concerns is really important. Whatever you do, don’t brush things off by saying something like, ‘Everything will be fine’, James says.
"Instead, it’s important to focus on creating open discussions about their feelings or any fears they have. Encourage them to handle their emotions by asking, ‘What worries you most about results day?’
"This approach helps them feel heard and validated rather than just reassured, which can feel like a shut down, whether you mean for it to sound that way or not."
What to do on results day
Put things into perspective
On the day that results come out, it’s important to let your child know that different outcomes are OK and everyone in life has their own path, James says.
"Remind your child the world's most successful people in business didn’t get perfect grades and that their worth isn’t tied to how well they did in their exams - ultimately it is how you apply yourself and how disciplined you are to succeed.
"Discuss possible outcomes beforehand and reassure them that you will support them no matter what, which can help distract from some of the pressure they will be feeling."
Plan a distraction
"While waiting for the results, engage in an activity that’s not only low-key but also meaningful, such as a visit to a place they love," James recommends.
"This distraction should be something that genuinely interests them, helping to shift their focus from anxiety to something fulfilling."
What to do after results day
Acknowledge emotions first
It can be easy to jump straight into problem-solving mode as a parent, no matter what the result is. However, James emphasises the importance of taking the time to acknowledge your child’s emotions first.
"Whether they’re overjoyed, disappointed, or somewhere in between, try and validate their feelings at first. Then, help them celebrate any small wins, whether it’s a passing grade in a tough subject or the effort they put into their studies.
"This reinforces the idea that progress, not perfection, is what ultimately matters. Also, if they do get great grades, of course, praise is wonderful. However, if praise is the first and only response, you may inadvertently communicate to your child that this is all that matters.
"Be very careful here because they may grow up believing that their worth is solely tied to external validation from a parent. As a result, they might not feel truly fulfilled as adults, constantly seeking validation from others and struggling to find internal satisfaction. This could lead to unintended problems down the line."
Help them focus on their strengths
This is an important time to guide in your child in reflecting on their unique strengths and passions, both academic and non-academic, James says.
"Encourage them to think about what they genuinely enjoy and excel at, whether it’s a subject, a hobby, or a skill - it can be literally anything.
"This exercise helps them become motivated and excited. It helps them understand themselves better and change their view from just focusing on exam results to thinking about their overall abilities and future possibilities."
It is also crucial that you don’t compare their results to anyone else’s, including their siblings or friends. Doing so can seriously exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or competition, which in turn affects their self-worth.
"Instead, stay honed on their individual journey, strengths, and what the possibilities are for them only," James concludes.
Read more about mental health:
6 ways to calm an anxious mind, as Inside Out 2 introduces Anxiety (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
Pollution could put children at greater mental health risk, study says (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Scientist-approved 'happiness hacks' to improve mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
