The cheeky groom’s speech
We all know that no matter how old a member of the male species is, they never truly grow up – the cheeky chap they were as a child will forever be part of them. So it’s no wonder that opening lines from the groom such as the following make an appearance at many a wedding breakfast; ‘my speech will be like a mini skirt; long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to hold your attention!’. Use this cheeky speech opener only if you’re guaranteed your male mates will back you up, as your wife may not be as amused.
The mother-in-law insult speech
Digs at the mother-in-law are age-old and crop up oh too easily at weddings. Hopefully, yours is laidback and has a sense of humour – but even if you think you know her, always think twice! If you’re going to risk the in-law silent treatment and risk offending the entire bridal family, then use this beauty; ‘my plan was to deliver a very short speech today, but then I remembered that this would be the only opportunity that I would have with my wife and mother-in-law in the same room and not get interrupted, so I may be some time!’. Cue tumbleweed moment or an uproar of laughter – it’s a gamble which reaction you will provoke!
The crude wedding speech
The wedding day is all about timing, and the groom’s speech is no exception. Toilet humour should always be used with caution as many are adverse to it – remember what you were told as a kid; there is a time and place! In this case, don’t time this speech too close to the wedding breakfast; guests about to tuck into their delicious three course meal, or contentedly digesting their slice of wedding cake may not be impressed with any toilet humour, no matter how funny you and your groomsmen find it. However , this one’s a little more subtle; ‘this is the second time today I've got up off a nice warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand.’
The short and sweet groom’s opening line
If the wedding day up until this point has been drawn out and guests are starting to wilt like the bride’s bouquet, then short and snappy opening lines will grab their attention and regain their focus (particularly if the grandparents have started to drift off). Starting your speech with the likes of; ‘I have a dream... oh sorry, that’s the wrong speech!’, injects the humour required while allowing you to continue with a pretty standard groom’s speech afterwards. This ‘less is more’ approach keeps it simple which means less work for you!
The classic groom’s opening line
Many people are of the opinion that during the wedding speeches, the humour and puns should be left to the best man – largely as he can get away with more than the groom can! In this school of thought, the groom’s speech should be heartfelt and thankful to the guests for their presence and presents. If you’re playing it safe, then simply go with; ‘My beautiful wife and I would like to thank you all for coming today to share our special day with us.’ You’ll get a few jibes from your groomsmen for being ‘cheesy’, but you’ll win the hearts of the in-laws and your wife’s pals.
The bridal insult opening line
Opening your speech with a line such as; ‘how do you turn a fox into an elephant? By marrying her’, will make you a hit with the groomsmen, for sure, but what about the poor woman you said ‘I do’ to only hours earlier? Use this kind of humour wisely – even if your wife is a laidback lass, all women have feelings and will not take kindly to being insulted in front of their entire family and all their friends. If you’re brave enough to venture this kind of opening line, be prepared for a honeymoon of ear bashing and dirty looks (and you can forget the wedding night!).
Open with a prop, not a line
A sure fire way to grab your guests’ attention is with no words at all; simply appear before your guests with an intriguing prop. Try using a pillow, and state that you will need it for all those nights you’ll spend in the doghouse, or simply walk on stage with a mop, stating that it will be needed to mop up all the tears after your heartfelt speech. Or go down the cheesy route and whip out some glue or Velcro, suggesting that the newlyweds must stick together throughout their married lives. Cheesier still, offer a box of child’s building blocks, stating that as a married couple they must work together to build their lives. Read more on getwed.com...
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