6 things you only know if you cook with your family

It always sounds like a lovely idea: spend a Sunday afternoon preparing all the components of a big BBQ or roast dinner together as a family, before sitting round the table and enjoying each other's company while tucking into the feast you have just created. 

If there is a family in existence who can get to the end of such an event without any harsh words or passive aggressive silences, they are surely mutants. 

A new show called The Big Family Cooking Showdown starts on BBC Two tonight, in which families compete to produce the best meals in their homes and in the studio kitchen, with Michelin-starred chef Giorgio Locatelli and legendary cooking teacher Rosemary Shrager judging their food.  Think Masterchef crossed with the Generation Game and you'll get the idea.

The voyeuristic among us will be hoping the show reveals the tensions that inevitably accompany family cooking efforts. For cooking together is enough to try the patience of even the most foodie-minded of families. Add to that the pressure of a televised competition, and the programme is almost certainly destined to descend into something more akin to just a Big Family Showdown. Because anyone who regularly cooks en famille will know that:

1. There is such a thing as too many cooks

The trouble with families is that everyone has an opinion and isn't afraid to voice it. Four people standing over your shoulder saying: "Why are you chopping the onions like that?", "That sauce needs more salt", "Don't you think you should have the potatoes on a higher heat?" - is absolutely the most irritating thing about cooking with your family. 

Especially as the older, more experienced members of the clan tend to believe firmly that their way of doing things is the only way. 

Quickly, what began as a delightful scene of familial bliss descends into a full-blown row about the proper way to peel a potato.

2. Someone will always ends up taking control

There's always one (and let's be honest, it's usually your mum) who won't be able to stop themselves quietly (or, as the case may be, not at all quietly) taking charge.

"Ooh, I tell you what, darling, why don't I do *insert task involving skill* and you *insert simple task a monkey could complete*". 

You're not fooling anyone, mums. The control freak inside you is real and it isn't pretty. 

3. Some people always need a sous chef

That thing where someone decides to take one for the team and make dinner for everyone by themselves but then needs so many sous chefs that suddenly your kitchen resembles Gordon Ramsay's, with the chef standing at the hob, barely looking up, barking orders at his army of helpers.

Tip: if you're going to offer to cook for the family, don't expect any help. 

4. The kitchen will be a state

If there are children involved, this is a given. Parents - you need to accept this from the start and remind yourself constantly of how good it is for them to learn about cooking, and how lovely it is to spend time together as a family not in front of multiple screens.

When, three hours later, your kitchen cupboards are caked in brownie batter, the bin is overflowing, and a box of broken eggs is running all over the floor, it tends to be harder to maintain the zen. Also, be warned: they will want to eat everything as they go, raw flour included.

5. Someone will get bored and wander off

Everyone always starts enthusiastically, but at some point your teenager will get distracted by his/her phone, your five-year-old will lose interest, your partner will inexplicably wander off, and you're left to finish it all off. 

Perhaps the key is to keep it simple: make a meal with the exact number of elements there are members of the family, and tell everyone they have to stay in the kitchen until their particular task is done. Sounds like fun, no?

6. Someone will break something and blame it on someone else

When Granny's cut glass trifle bowl comes tumbling down out of the cupboard and smashes to smithereens, it's always someone else's fault. "You shouldn't have put it on the top shelf!" "It was your idea to have trifle anyway!" "I didn't know it was Granny's!"

At times like these it's important to retain perspective and remember that there are worse things in life than broken trifle bowls. (Maybe...)