27 Stages Of Trying To Get To Sleep When It's 'Boiling' Hot This Week

·3-min read
Photo credit: Janine Mclaren / EyeEm - Getty Images
Photo credit: Janine Mclaren / EyeEm - Getty Images

When you live in the UK, you spend approximately 10 months of the year waiting for the summer.

It's that rare moment in the calendar when you can unashamedly tuck into a Fab lolly for breakfast and sunbathe topless in the garden before the inevitable sprint inside at the sound of the postman.

For Brits more accustomed to rain showers than sunshine, we love nothing more than welcoming the slightest hint of Mediterranean heat that so rarely comes our way.

However, this week the Met Office issued a red extreme heat warning on Monday and Tuesday in the majority of England, with ttemperatures forecast to reach up to 41C. And let's just say that we are not prepared.

After just five minutes of outdoor heat, our SPF50-smothered skin turns rouge and a sweaty upper lip becomes a permanent fixture.

Photo credit: Getty Images
Photo credit: Getty Images

Basically, we think we like heat but in reality, we're miserable people who survive better in the winter. Winter, we can do. Summer, we try, fail and sweat at.

As this week and countless Twitter memes suggests, what we're really bad at doing is sleeping in the heat. Is there anything worse than lying in a bed drenched with sweat as you fan yourself with a bank statement while sucking on an ice cube?

As a result, we've rounded up the 27 stages of a night's sleep in British summertime.*

1. Enjoy an ice-cold shower before bedtime

2. Ditch the fleece pyjamas for the summery satin alternatives

3. Climb into bed and throw the duvet on the floor in a huff

4. Strip out of pyjamas horizontally – there's no way you're risking getting hotter by standing up

5. Turn on lamp. Immediately Turn off lamp. The last thing you want to see a river of sweat trickling down your stomach

6. Get up to open the window

Photo credit: AleksandarNakic - Getty Images
Photo credit: AleksandarNakic - Getty Images

7. Face-plant back onto the bed

8. Hear the faint buzz of an insect

9. Frantically dart your eyes the dark room in search of the bug

10. Silence

11. Close eyes but convince yourself the insect is deadly and on a mission to kill you

12. Google 'can a fly kill you?'

13. Hear buzzing again and climb out of the bed to open window wider

14. Furiously climb back into bed

15. Lie awake, staring at the ceiling. Grab phone and scroll through Instagram Stories

16. Realise you've wasted 40 minutes on a deep dive into a former Made in Chelsea star's account and accidentally purchased their 'must-have'/advertised shampoo

Photo credit: mikroman6 - Getty Images
Photo credit: mikroman6 - Getty Images

17. Get up to have a second shower

18. Flop back into bed

19. Get up to down a glass of water, subsequently feel sick and starfish across the mattress

20. Close eyes as you take a deep breath

21. Scream at your significant other when their foot accidentally grazes your calf

22. Finally fall asleep

Photo credit: Emmanuel Faure - Getty Images
Photo credit: Emmanuel Faure - Getty Images

23. Wake up shivering at 4am and scramble to find the duvet cover

24. Fall back to sleep

25. Wake up 30 minutes before alarm goes off with one foot hanging off the side of the bed

26. Lie awake until alarm goes off

27. Pray for winter

*Warning: By the time you're reading this it'll probably be freezing and you'll be wrapped up in about four layers of knitwear in search of the nearest mug of hot chocolate*

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