20 rubbish presents you can buy from your local garage on Christmas Day morning (if you're desperate)

Car freshner

You best hope there’s some Little Trees in stock, mate. It’s you’re only hope of looking like you actually put some thought into this crappy decision. [Photo: Little Trees]

A Rustlers burger

Get something for her she’d never get herself. [Photo: Rustlers]

Reusable cup

If you don’t drink you’ll die so essentially this cup is the gift of life. [Photo: hotline.co.uk]

LED candles

A nonperishable reminder of your excellent life choices. [Photo: Jasmine Jones]

A bag of kindling

Tell her you’re going to buy and install a wood burning stove and this is just a precursor. [Photo: cedarwoodfules]

Reduced food items

Not just a cheap and perfectly edible Christmas dinner but the gift of time. Way more important than superficial stuff like home cooking. [Photo: Student Money Saver]

A selection of electrical goods

If you live somewhere posh like Surrey you might luck out with some up market electrical shiz. Does your nan need a drone? Never mind, she’s getting one now. [Photo: Jasmine Jones]

Kitchen roll

Not the cheap stuff, the good stuff. Just one towel is enough to wipe away a Christmas worth of tears. [Photo: Cleaningsupplies4u]

Some paper cups from the Costa Express machine

Stack and tie with your shoelace et voila! A summertime picnic set. Something to look forward to, innit? [Photo: Costa]

Chocolate bars

Preferably ones with biscuit in to show care about their fibre intake. [Photo: keepingshop]

A lighter

Tell her she must keep it close to her bosom always as a reminder of the eternal flame that is your love. [Photo: ebay]

A grab bag of crisps

Don’t show up empty handed at the in-laws! Bring a grab bag for all to share. [Photo: Lizzie Hammond]

Extortionately priced bottled water

Show your willing to go the extra mile by spending triple the average price on a bottle of water. [Photo: Danone]

AA batteries

Batteries in classic double A. [Photo: Duracell]

A cornish pasty

This gift can be used months after the date of receipt. [Photo: Ginsters]

Novelty travel pillow

Not just for travelling, can be used on the sofa or sat on if you’ve got piles. Great for all ages really. [Photo: Pack My Case]

Character fleece blanket

Kids love a good fleece blanket to play with at Christmas. [Photo: Jasmine Jones]

A pack of fags

Give the gift of cancer this Christmas. [Photo: Mr Capetown]

Phone case

If it doesn’t fit – no problem! Can be used upturned as a soap dish or to collect nut shells. [Photo: ebay]

USB charger

Or – OR novelty bottle stop!

Leaving your Christmas shopping till the actual day huh? You mad bad renegade. If you’re the type who decides at the eleventh hour you might give a tiny rat’s arse about giving gifts, your choices are pretty much limited to the petrol station. The absolute state of your life! Might as well embrace it.

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